


You taste like camomile and freedom

by laurelleghuleh



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Enemies to Lovers, Everyone Has Issues, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Forbidden Love, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Psychological Trauma, Rough Sex, Sex, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Spoilers, Taller Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), The Underground (Shingeki no Kyojin), Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:34:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 64,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27375010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurelleghuleh/pseuds/laurelleghuleh
Summary: A well-known criminal from the underground is tasked with killing four Sorvey Corps soldiers, Erwin, Levi, Isabel and Farlan, but something in her plan goes wrong. She will be forced to join the team and submit to Captain Levi. But the girl has another mission to accomplish. The titans, the fate of humanity and her destiny, irreparably intertwined with that of Levi, will completely upset not only her plans but the captain's too.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 52
Kudos: 95





	1. Prologue + Characters

**Author's note**

Hi readers, I'm Laurelle! Some notes before we start.

  * This is my **first** fanfic ever and I'm writing it as a sort of exercise to express my creativity and practice my English, which is **not** my first language. So be gentle with me guys, **but** any constructive criticism about grammar or anything related to the language is more than welcome. Please, tell me when I'm wrong and correct me.
  * I **do not own** Attack on Titan and its characters, or any of the fan-art I'll use. I'll insert the author's name in the notes.
  * The story is highly inspired by The Birth Of Levi/No Regrets and takes place after its events. 
  * As you’ve already read, this story is a **Levi x OC** , however you can replace the main character with yourself if you want to.
  * This story is also published on Wattpad and Tumblr, you can find me there as [laurelleghuleh](https://www.wattpad.com/user/laurelleghuleh).
  * The story will contain **heavy issues** , such as past trauma, death, strong language, and sexual content. So, **you minor** , I see you, go somewhere else. Love you, be safe.
  * Here's the link for the **characters specifications (**<https://docs.google.com/document/d/15NS81l_H_fklhQ1MFHwo9NeKDFcOvya6pbJwHeAD2LQ/edit?usp=sharing> ). Levi won't have his own chart, since he is basically the original aot character, but taller (like 5'8). Or you could just imagine Daphne/you being slightly smaller than him, just a few centimeters.



### Prologue

_**Pungent**_. The smell of the underground has always had something in it so pungent, a smell of dirt, decomposition, and death. You couldn’t just avoid it: it would have followed you anywhere, anytime.

And yet, for a brief second, you could have run away from it. During my usual wondering around the underground capital, thanks to some _3D maneuver gear_ I had bought at the black market, I’ve once made it to a secret spot where you could at least feel a light breeze of wind, savor a tiny slice of sky, and dream a little dream of freedom.

Nothing more was allowed in the Underground: dreaming was somehow impossible and all that smell has always been keeping me from even thinking straightforward.

The stink was even worst anytime I felt it coming from myself: the blood on my hands from the lifeless body of a victim, the dirty money getting silently into my pocket, the crying from the scene of my last crime… sometimes, all of that was just too much even for me, even for the greatest scoundrel of the Underground. On top of that, I was the villain of my own story.

Three years ago, I escaped from a brothel thanks to – let’s say – a benefactor and since than I dedicated my whole life to save my sisters, still held there. In particular one of them, Abigail, my _real_ sister – for what I can remember, we both got there together from the orphanage. I stole money, made allies – and enemies too -, I did anything in order to gain money and passes for us all. But it was never enough. Nobles used to make fun of the poor people, constantly raising the price to get on the surface, to get a pass and the needed documents.

At that point I was hopeless and my crimes became even more feral than before.

One night, one of my fellows told me that s _omeone very powerful_ had highly requested to talk to me about a serious matter. I agreed: a new client.

"Trust me, with this you’ll get the biggest bang for the buck" said the hooded man.

"I’m listening"

"Four targets, up there, on the surface. Four targets for a lot of gold, four passes, and a safe place to live"

"You talk shit. Who do you want me to kill? The king?"

" Kid, I don’t have much time. Four targets, are you in? "

" Start calling the funeral home "

Four targets from the Survey Corps, four names, four faces: Erwin, Levi, Isabel, and Farlan. 

" Them for us, them for our freedom. Four passes won't be enough, but I'll pay. I'll pay for the other tickets with the gold. Ok. That's good. I’ll make it. **This time** **I’ll make it work.** "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this tasting, write me in the comments what you expect! By the weekend the first two chapters and a whole playlist for the story! Byeeee


	2. Two wings, but to fly where?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then, right when I found the stairs signed on my map, I felt it. A warm body against mine, an arm blocking mine, and a sharp, cold knife right under my chin. I could feel the figure, a masculine one, not much taller than me, either much bigger, but strong. His grip on my arms was firm while I was twitching, caught by surprise. He must have been quieter than me.  
> “You have two options” he said whispering slowly “I can kill you right now, right here or you can kindly tell me who the fuck you are”

### Two wings, but to fly where?

**The Survey Corps’ HQ**. Very little surveillance, almost nothing. _After all, they are soldiers themselves. But still... A bit pretentious, aren’t they?_ I thought _Well, lucky me_

I hid in the bushes until the supply wagon came. I planned to get in with the supplies, maybe stole something like some bread or a potato. Just in case they had found me, I would have been just a little poor girl looking for some mercy. Not so far from reality.

And then I just needed to find them: first the Commander, Erwin. He would have been in his own room, supposedly on the first or maybe the second floor. And then, on my way out I would have found the dormitory where the other three were sleeping. A cut on their necks and the job would have been done.

While I was waiting, I watched carefully the huge banner on the building: **two wings** , almost intertwined with each other, almost unfolded, upwards. Two wings, but to fly where? They were already on the surface. Lucky bastards.

To be honest, I hadn’t thought about it until that moment. They were soldiers and not some ordinary flat feet, but the Survey Corps. It was hard to understand for someone like me, someone from the underground, but they used to fight titans, right? They used to help humanity against its hopeless destiny. And I was about to kill _four_ of them.

_Gosh, what got into me? I’ve never, ever, hesitated in my whole life. And this time, oh this time I cannot._

_The supply wagon, it’s time. Here goes nothing._

Everything went smoothly. I got in the building pretty easily and got a loaf of bread as planned, then hid it under my dark coat. Long hallways stood out in front of me and there, at the end of them, I would have found some stairs. The dark was my accomplice, but really, nothing compared to what I was used to: tiny lights were helping me out here and there, in that unknown place.

And then, right when I found the stairs signed on my map, I felt it.

A warm body against mine, an arm blocking mine, and a sharp, cold knife right under my chin. I could feel the figure, a masculine one, not much taller than me, either much bigger, but strong. His grip on my arms was firm while I was twitching, caught by surprise. He must have been quieter than me.

"You have two options" he said whispering slowly "I can kill you right now, right here or you can kindly tell me who the fuck you are"

Yes, I actually had two options: I could have tried my luck, hoping he wasn’t as strong as I sensed, get out of his grip and kill him right away. Or I could have shown off some of my acting skills and play my plan b: the tiny scarred poor girl, looking for some food.

A big hiccup slipped out of my mouth.

"S-Sir, sir, please spare me… I-I was just looking for some food… M-my pocket, under the coat, there’s some bread I’ve stolen. Take it, but please spare me!" I said while faking some other deep sighs and shaking like a leaf.

He seemed to believe me. One of his hands lightly slid under my coat, palpating my clothing. I was praying so hard he wouldn’t find my weapons. While the other hand was still firm on my neck, one of his legs secured mine with a swing, holding me tighter to him.

Just what I wanted.

In the exact moment he got the loaf of bread, I swung one of my legs to bend his knee, punched him on the stomach, and got myself out of the grip, carefully avoiding the blade. I lost the count of how many times someone held me in that way… although that felt kind of different…

Once freed, I rotated my body confronting for the first time my opponent and then I saw them. Two piercing grey eyes, hooded under a frowned forehead.

After throwing him a wicked smirk, I immediately jumped off the next window right beside me, activating my 3d maneuver gear, also hidden under the coat, but there they were again, his eyes. Like two little fireflies it seemed like they were still watching me. I probably stared at them for too long.

He was still watching me. Worst, he was following me.

I heard the same sound of my gear, like it was duplicated. It took me a second to realize he was right after me, fluctuating on the roofs and getting closer.

"This damned prick, who is he?" I mumbled. A soldier, probably. A male soldier. That’s for sure. Strong, indeed. Black hair with an evident undercut. Two grey intense eyes. Could that be…?

 **Levi. Captain Levi.** My gut told me I was right. That was one of my targets.

Perfect, that was just perfect. If he had followed me somewhere far from the HQ, I could have had another shot to kill him and then maybe had the time to get to the others. But the sun was rising and my clock was ticking: I didn’t have much time left.

At some point, I found myself in front of the famous walls, tall and solid. I thought he would have followed me there, after all that was his territory.

I was wrong. Right after jumping off of them, the noise of his gear stopped, so I turned around and saw him. He stood there, on the edge of the walls, surely looking at me. I felt his eyes on me.

And then, I felt something else, something I couldn’t identify. Heavy footsteps coming in my direction and an unsteady giant naked body had appeared on the horizon line.

"Is that a fucking titan?!" I screamed.

Adrenaline rushed in my veins and as soon as it approached me, I started jumping around on its body, cutting here and there, without a scheme, clumsily trying to defeat that thing.

"The nape, cut the **nape**!" I heard from a distance.

 _Is that God? Or my subconscious?_ Who was it?

But I didn’t care, I followed that instruction and, avoiding another of the titan’s punches, I jumped right on the back of its head and sliced it.

Suddenly, the body fell heavy on the ground, and mine followed it.

I couldn’t seem to regain my composure. I was there, sitting on that immense, now dead, body, with my eyes fixed somewhere. Sighing and shaking I sat there for a while before losing consciousness. But right before that, a dark figure appeared on the titan’s body.

"So _obedient_ for a thug"I heard and then nothing.

_Is this what it feels like to be dead?_

A huge headache seemed to wake me up, the pain was quite unbearable.

" _The fuck is this??_" I whispered. Then I felt my hands behind my back, somehow cuffed. My knees bent on a dirty terracotta floor. Where did I ended up? Was that hell? Well, still not as bad as I thought. But, I spoke too soon.

A loud sound of booths crushed on the gate of the cell, where I believed I was held, echoed in my ears, causing me to bend even closer to the ground. A couple of figures appeared behind the fence.

The tallest one, a blondie, started to speak: "How should I start this… Well, welcome to the survey corps’ prison, _prisoner_. I’m Commander Erwin Smith and this is the captain Levi. But I think you already know that, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here you go, the first chapter! From the next one the chapters will be longer: I felt like this one was a sort of "prologue part 2" so it came out a little shorter than expected.  
> I'm trying to post also on wattpad, but I'm struggling a little bit there eheh I'll update you about it if it works.  
> Here's a little reference to Levi running after the MC's ass:   
> Anyway, see you next time readers!


	3. My name is Daphne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t reply, even if my silence was as loud as a response. There was nothing else I could do at that point and at least I was alive. Being alive meant another chance to help my sisters, to still accomplish my mission. I thought it was just a temporary decision.  
> “I take it as a yes. Sleep tight, prisoner” said the commander.  
> “Daphne”  
> The two men turned around in sync.  
> “My name is Daphne” I echoed in my small, filthy cell, glaring at them one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: violence, blood  
> songs: "Survivor" by 2WEI, "You can run" by Adam Jones, "Such a whore" by JVLA

### My name is Daphne

Still feeling dizzy, I tried my best to hold my head high and regain some strength in my legs. I put a foot on the floor trying to steady myself, but I simply couldn’t. I felt so weak that I couldn’t even manage to keep my eyes open.

"You better not move, you’re still in shock" advised me the blondie. Well, the _commander_.

In shock. Probably. My memory was still very cloudy. The last few hours seemed to me like someone else’s memories.

Then, it hit me like a train. The dumb expression on that titan's face as it tried to kill me multiple times, its punches, its grin, and then a voice: “The nape, cut the nape!”

 _Levi?_ Was Levi that saved my ass?

I tried again to hold my head high and there he was, next to his commander: the almighty Captain Levi.

“Don’t worry kid, I’m here just to ask you some very simple questions. Answer me and you’ll be fine, ok?” said Erwin while opening the gate.

Something inside me ignited and a rush of strength fueled my legs. I stood up, foolishly trying to escape. What was I trying to do? Running away while still cuffed?

Levi quickly got me and with both his hands he pushed me back to the floor.

"I am disappointed, prisoner, that’s no good. I’ve just told you to simply answer me, not to escape from me. Are you deaf? _She isn’t deaf, is she?_" Erwin asked Levi, while the captain was still silently staring at me.

"Let’s start all over again, ok? I’m Erwin, that’s Levi. Who are you? And more importantly, what the fuck were you doing here tonight?"

I hung my head heavy, contemplating what to do next. I was cuffed, weak, disoriented, **lost**.

What was I supposed to do next? I failed. I failed the mission and most importantly my sisters and Abigail, my only reason to live. I would have been better dead at that point. I was completely useless.

My flow of thoughts was suddenly interrupted by searing pain. A kick, right on my face, had been whipped by Levi, who impassively stated "You better talk now before I break all your teeth".

"Come on kid, what’s your name?" insisted Erwin.

"Unimportant" I spat, letting a stream of blood twist from my mouth to the ground.

"Tough crowd," joked Erwin "So, what were you doing here, darling, at this hour of the night?"

If I was going to die, at least I wanted those two bastards to know who they were fucking with.

An evil, suffocated, laugh escaped me. I licked the blood on my lips, sniffed, and then I sarcastically said "You know, I was just here to tie up some loose ends, commander… Does the name **Nicholas Lobov** ring any bell in that head of yours, sir?"

Another, quite predictable this time, kick, right in my stomach, from the one and only Levi. And another lump of blood flew from my mouth open wide from the pain.

Erwin blocked Levi with a single hand and then looked at me: "Mh… I see… Well, let me say that I knew this day would have come, soon or later. But let me ask you the same thing, honey: do you know _who Nicholas Lobov actually is_? Do you have the slight idea of what kind of mess you have put yourself in?"

No. I really had no idea. So, I stayed silent. I wanted to open my mouth, say something, fight, but I really didn’t know much more than "four targets, kill them all and you’ll be free".

"Because I’m a merciful man and I can quite tell what kind of situation we’re dealing with, I’ll explain everything to you, prisoner. We, the survey corps fight the titans, we try our best every day to help people, but we’re very broke. Not only broke, but we’re also constantly hampered by some nobles who still prefer to spend money on futile stuff rather than help humanity. Old news, right? Well, one of them in particular, your beloved Lobov, didn’t quite like the idea of me getting more supplies and helps for the future missions, so he tried to get me out of the picture. But I was no fool and I cut him off first. Yes, little girl, Lobov is now worm food. I’m sorry to disappoint you but you were used for some futile and pointless revenge, but we are quite used to this kind of game."

He paused, then looked again at the puzzled expression painted on my face, while I was still trying to elaborate the whole story. Then he said, "I must admit I’m curious: what did he promise you to accept? To risk your life against the Survey Corps?"

"Four passes…"I tried to whisper.

"What? I can’t hear a thing, kid!"

"Four passes" I coughed "Gold, four passes and a house to live on the surface"

"Did you hear that Levi, we’re worth like two other peopl-"

"No" I interrupted him "Four passes for four targets"

"Who else, then?" asked Erwin.

"A-a certain Isabel… and a certain Farlan"

Another one. Then another one. Levi started to kick me so hard I almost lost my consciousness again, but luckily Erwin stopped him right away.

"Levi, calm down… she couldn’t know…" Erwin said while still holding the captain’s arm.

"Sorry kid, you’re late for that too. They’re dead. The titans got them"

I wasn’t thinking right because of the pain, but I digested that information and Levi’s anger. That Isabel and that Farlan must have been some comrades, or worst, some friends of his… someone close to him.

I felt a little empathy for him. I felt sorry. He was visibly hurt. I was trying to kill people he cared about, people who were already stolen from him. I really deserved to die.

My eyes started to get a little glassy. I thought that I’ve never felt more misery than at that moment.

But Erwin’s voice caught me again by surprise, so I lifted my chin to listen to him: "You, just a last question. I promise. Where did you get the 3D maneuver gear? And who taught you how to use it?"

I noisily swallowed and immediately answered, fixing my eyes on the ground, shaking, afraid of another of Levi’s feral kicks: "I won them not so long ago on the black market. In the underground capital." I paused "There are very few specimens down there but it is pretty easy to notice them... they are quite evident." I caught a little breath "Nobody taught me how to use them. I spent months studying them and once I got them, I knew how to use them. That’s it."

"So, you’re a fast learner, aren’t you?" said Erwin.

"No. It’s the underground. You have to adapt. Swim or you’ll drown"

Levi tensed. On the contrary, Erwin seemed pretty excited by my little preach: “That’s the spirit, prisoner! And that’s why I have a proposal for you, a proposal that you cannot refuse…

I wasn’t the only one confused by his words. Levi’s forehead frowned, just like a little earlier when I escaped from his grip. Still silent, he turned in front of his commander, with a visible question mark right between his eyes. "_What the hell are you talking about?_" he whispered, but Erwin ignored him.

"So, prisoner, let’s recap. You came here to kill us, in order to gain your freedom, right? But unfortunately, two of your targets were never here and on top of that, we caught you. Now, we can take you to the cops who will quite surely hold you in jail forever for this and, who knows, what else you did in the past. Or, you can join us…"

"**WHAT?!**" Levi and I yelled in sync.

"Or, you can join us. Let us borrow your capabilities for the greater good… You know, it’s funny. We’ve already made a deal like this in the past, with an ex-underground thug…" laughed Erwin, looking at Levi with a playful expression. But the Captain stayed still, visibly against that decision.

What was that supposed to mean? Someone from the underground escaped and made it to the Survey Corps? No way.

And what about me?

Erwin got suddenly closer to me, looked at me straight in my still watery eyes and then said "You’ll be a soldier. You’ll help saving humanity and…you’ll be free. Or at least you’ll be on the surface"

I didn’t reply, even if my silence was as loud as a response. There was nothing else I could do at that point and at least I was alive. Being alive meant another chance to help my sisters, to still accomplish my mission. I thought it was just a temporary decision.

"I take it as a yes. Sleep tight, prisoner" said the commander.

"Daphne"

The two men turned around in sync.

"My name is Daphne" I echoed in my small, filthy cell, glaring at them one last time.

_LEVI'S POV_

What did just happen?

After the interrogatory, I followed Erwin down the corridor, not saying much and keeping my usual composure. But once arrived right in front of his door, I decided to speak up: "I’m not ok with this. We can’t trust her. Yet"

"Levi"

"No. What if she’s still in touch with the nobles? What if she is a spy? What if she lied down there? What if-"

"That’s why you’re going to survey her" he declared "Day and night if it’s possible"

"Are you for real, Erwin?"

"Let me finish, Levi. Let’s hold her down there for tonight, then tomorrow morning give her the room right next to yours, since Tom passed away, so you can keep a better eye on her. Give her a tour of the HQ, give her some guidelines about our activities and spaces. Let her have lunch with her fellows and then train her in your squad. End of the day, then repeat until the next expedition. I can’t wait to see her in action" He paused "Is that clear, captain?"

"Tch. I’m here to kill the titans, not to babysit a thief" I argued.

"Listen, Levi, I knew this day would have come. The nobles won’t ever stop. It’s better to gain a new ally today, than a new enemy tomorrow. Give her a chance, as we did with you. Don’t forget that. Moreover, what do you think? When you arrived three of us were constantly spying on you and another two were after Isabel and Farlan. I’m sorry, this is a standard procedure for the new guys" said playfully the commander and then left.

Funny, very funny.

I decided to go back to my room for another sleepless night. Head full of thoughts.

_What did just happen?_

A girl from the underground. Daphne. _Daphne_. A girl from the underground, another Lobov’s pawn. Just like me. Why did I feel so confused? Frustrated? It’s just a girl. Just a girl from the underground. Well, a thug. A criminal. Right, a criminal, just like me.

A couple of wings of freedom on my back would have never washed away my past, my sins.

I felt a little empathy for her. I felt sorry. In the end, she was gifted with another chance in this life, just like me.

That night, memories of my past and her face intertwined, playing a twitchy melody that kept me awake, restless, all night long.

To be honest, the sun was almost up when I got into my room, but the HQ's alarm rang only some hours later. It was time to go and get her.

I got down to the prison and there she was, still asleep, resting her head on her knees: her nose pointing the gate, her eyes slightly twitching, her lips fighting to stay closed. She didn’t seem that much agitated but something in her dream was surely challenging her.

I stopped and stared. Again, her name echoed in my head, then Lobov’s, Isabel’s, Farlan’s, and that smell, the underground’s smell.

Soon after, she moaned: "Abi… Abi… Abi…". I shook my head, stepped into the cell and that’s when she screamed: "ABIGAIL!". She instantly woke up, unable to properly breathe, shaking and looking around anxiously.

"Oi. Calm down" I commanded.

But it was like she wasn’t really there.

_DAPHNE’S POV_

_Where am I? Oh... this is my old room, at the brothel._

_"Daphne?" I heard. This is… This is her._

_"Did you come back??" I would have recognized her voice in a thousand._

_"Abi…" I whispered hugging her tightly. Her hair, shiny and perfumed as always, her skin soft under my fingers, her little figure embraced in my arms: nothing had changed._

_"Daphne, so you’re finally back! When will you take me on the surface?" she asked impatiently._

_"Abi, I don’t know… Soon, soon, I’ll take you there soon, but…" I felt so confused, where was I? What did just happen?_

_" I see…It’s still not time, right? Well, never mind. Now, sister, I really have to go, I have a client in 10 minutes…" _

_"What?! Miss Martha has promised me she would have spared you or at least would have made you do something else" _

_"Well, since you’ve gone, we’ve lost some clients, so we had to work a lot around here. But Martha gave me two days off!! And she told me I could refuse the sick customers if I wanted to" _

_"That was not our deal…" _

_" Don’t worry sis, I can handle it. You know I’m Abigail" _

_" Again with this bullshit, Abi? Do you still believe Miss Martha and her fucking fairytales?" _

_"That’s not true! And stop swearing Daphne!" She sighed “I’m Abigail, I’m the one who brings joy, I’m the helpful one. The subservient one. I’m an Abigail. You’re Daphne, the one who runs away, who wins, who’s free. You’re a Daphne"_

_" I don’t want to hear this nonsense ever again, Abi. I’ll be back, you’ll be free too, you’ll be a Daphne too, or whatever, you’ll…" _

_Her delicate hand cupped my left cheek" Don’t, Daphne, don’t. I’m fine here… This is my life. It has always been like that. Don’t make a fuss out of this. I’m fine, I promise… And I have some great news to share with you…"_

_A knock on the door interrupted us" Abigail, your break is over”"_

_"Comiiing" she shouted back "Daphne, sister, come see me soon, I’ll wait for you…"_

_" End of the break, Abigail” yelled the man storming into the room. The man. The only man in the brothel. Just thinking about him made me so sick I couldn’t even spell his name in my head."_

_His filthy hands grabbed her, while she playfully waved at me. I tried to take her hand, screaming her name, but when I saw his face above her little figure, I choked._

_The room around us started crumbling, the walls fell and the pavement disappeared. I screamed her name again. Then I blacked out._

As soon as I woke up, a pair of black boots appeared in front of me. Was that a dream? Well, a nightmare.

Looking up I saw Levi, staring at me with his unreadable face.

I tried to calm down, slowing my breath. I was so in pain: my arms and legs were sore, my mouth tasted like old blood and my head still ached from my nightmare.

I eyed the captain and said "What are you looking at, pervert? Did you enjoy our last night session that much? Would you like a second round?"

"Tch. No, thanks" He said, half-kneeling in front of me "It took me too long to clean my boots from your nasty blood" he continued while passing behind my back looking for my handcuffs.

" _But keep this in mind_" he whispered in my ear "_next time I won’t be so gentle_" and then looked fiercely right in my eyes.

" _I would like to see you try_" I provoked him.

We eyed each other for what felt like a while, then a click and a small pleasure made me feel relieved for a moment: my hands were free.

"Come on. Get up, cadet"

"What did you just call me"

"Cadet. From now you’ll be a cadet. And I’ll be your captain. You were assigned to my squad. So, **captain**" he remarked pointing himself "**Cadet**" he stated pushing me by the shoulder with just his index.

" **I**" I mocked him, trying to mimic him "**got it**". My index was almost on his shoulder, when he grabbed me and shoved me against him, just a couple of inches from his face.

"Listen up, cadet. You’re really pissing me off, right now. But you’re playing with fire here: just one little mistake and you’re terminated. So, no funny business. Fix that attitude of yours or _I’ll fix it for you_. Did I stutter?"

I swallowed loudly. I wasn’t afraid of him, and yet I felt something weird in my stomach.

He glared at me once again then started to walk out of the cell. Not looking at me he gestured me to get out and follow him. And so I did.

Down the hall, he explained to me a few things: my future schedule, the structure, the hierarchy and most importantly the **rules**.

I could tell that he wasn’t a big talker. He really spent a few words for each sentence. Moreover, he spent the whole walk cleaning his hands. Was he cleaning himself because he had touched me? Really? What a weirdo. Well, I couldn’t actually blame him: I was a mess of dirt and blood. But still, what a weirdo.

"This is your room. You’re lucky you’re not sleeping in the dormitory with the others…but that door over there is mine, so remember: don’t mess around. I’m watching you"

"So, you really are a pervert"

"Tch. Get your ass in there, clean yourself up and wear your uniform. The lunch will be served in a couple of hours, down at the cafeteria. The big room in front of the window where I got you yesterday night. It won’t be hard to find. Don’t be late, cadet"

I nodded, completely unfazed. I wouldn’t have left him messing with me or getting into my head. I politely nodded again and then entered the room.

The bedroom wasn’t that bad. Not too big, there was everything I needed: a queen-size bed on the left, a desk paired with a chair right beside it, under a large window. On the right side of the room, in the middle of a tiny library and a wardrobe, there was a little door. _The bathroom_ , I thought.

I headed there immediately, I stripped down and got into the shower.

Hot water was dripping down my body, trying to wash away all the dirt that was stuck to my skin. But my thoughts were still hanging there. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate just on the sound of the water. Almost impossible. While I felt a kind of relief from my now clean body, still my head buzzed with words, voices, images.

_Abi, how are you? What’s the big news you wanted to tell me? I’ll come to you. Soon._

_Captain Levi. What is going on in that head of yours?_ The memory of his eyes fiercely pierced on me rapidly rushed into my mind. His tight grip that held me so close to him. Why couldn’t I wash away that feeling?

Suddenly the water turned cold and before I froze, I jumped out of the shower. They really were broke. However, it was time to get ready.

Back in my room, on my new bed, there was a uniform. I put on the pair of white pants with a dark brown sash covering my hips, the pair of boots, the shirt, and finally the famous short jacket with the two wings. I opened the wardrobe to check it out and there I found a mirror. It felt so fucking strange.

Why did I feel so damn good in that uniform? It felt strange how not only it was complimenting my figure, but it also got me feeling… comforted. Secure. **Safe**.

Maybe it was the feeling of belonging to something. To something good. Or maybe it was just the good shower I had before, and those fresh new clothes. For me keeping everything clean and ordered was a kind of ritual: a ritual to purify myself from the underground. I wasn’t a complete clean-freak, but whenever I had everything tidy and sparkling, I felt in control.

Growing up I developed some strange obsessions related to that: I used to count how many doors and windows were in a room, to organize and align objects. The more I was nervous, the more I was obsessed with those little details.

There were so many things I didn’t have the power to control in my life, especially in the underground, but just checking the order of some books on a shelf would have been enough to relax me.

Anyway, I didn’t have much time to explore more my room or lose again myself in thoughts. I had to head to the cafeteria.

The cafeteria wasn’t truly that difficult to find. A lot of people were already there.

 _Don’t get anxious, everything is going to be alright_ , I thought.

On the right, I instantly recognized Erwin and right beside him Levi. He glared at me, unfazed as always, again gesture me to come to his table.

_If he doesn’t stop gesturing me like a dog, I’m going to beat him up, I swear to the walls._

Walking straight to their table I heard some whispers: _" Who is she??", "Is she new??", "No, I heard captain Levi caught her yesterday while she was trying to rob us…", "What??", "Yeah, I heard that too", "And now she wears the uniform??"_

I tried my best to ignore them until I bumped into someone.

"Well, well, well, you must be the infamous slut from the underground, uh?" said the man.

I looked at him, trying to not lose my cool. Then, a couple of other men got closer behind me.

So, I decided to approach the man in front of me. _A slut, he said. Ok._

I lightly passed a couple of fingers on his shoulder, tracing some circles, then down his jacket, rubbing his chest and stomach, making him chuckle.

"So you really are a slut" he laughed blushing, quite content with my attention.

Not replying, I smirked maliciously at him and once I reached his pants, I crushed his balls with all my strength. A suffocated groan of pain escaped him, collapsing at my feet as I continued walking towards the table. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder trying to make me turn around, but I rapidly grabbed it, twisted it and punched the man right in the face, making him fall on the floor. Another one behind him looked at me horrified and instead of engaging in a fight, he decided to run away.

"Woohoo" I heard someone shouting behind me "That’s was awesome!". It was a woman on Erwin’s left. She stood up while clapping soundly her hands and looking at me, amazed.

I didn’t pay that much attention to her reaction, I just got there and sat on the only free chair, next to Levi.

"Cadet" said Erwin.

"Commander" I replied.

" _Cadet_" said Levi, mocking Erwin.

" _Captain_" I eyed him.

"So, you arrived just on time to give us a show" joked Erwin, trying very poorly to break the ice.

"Oh, come on Erwin. He called her slut. Oruo is always so gross. I’m glad she taught him a lesson!" said the four-eyes. Then, she turned to me and grabbed both my hands, shaking them vigorously: "By the way, I’m Hange. I couldn’t wait to finally meet you. Erwin told me you owned a 3d maneuver gear, that you are from the underground, well not the only one here…" she rapidly glared at Levi, smiling at him. Then, she continued: "and that you were… a _criminal_" she whispered like it was a secret.

_Wait a minute. Is perhaps Levi the guy from the underground? No way._

I tried to ignore her tease and I said, mimicking her "Someone must have informed you that I’m also… a _slut_".

She loudly laughed "Oh my, I already like you! Well, I’m done here, so… See you tomorrow at my training, Daphne! Byyeee" and so she left.

What a weirdo. What is wrong with the survey corps? Are they all insane?

Erwin coughed and said "Well, that was Hange. She manages research and experiments on the titans, but you’ll see tomorrow what she’s up to. Well, I’m done here too, so I’ll leave you two to the rest of your intense afternoon" and so he left too, leaving me and Levi alone, together.

He didn’t say much, he handed me a tray full of food and then commanded "Eat".

_Did he prepare that for me? Or worst, did he just hand me his own food?_

However, I didn’t mind and immediately started to eat. I was so damn hungry.

_LEVI’S POV_

She sat there, quietly eating as I ordered her. _So obedient_ , I thought. _So, she can be obedient when she wants to_. I thought she would have said something back, barking some nonsense, but no.

She just obeyed. I didn’t know if I should have been suspicious of her or else. She seemed too quiet.

However, the lunch break ended and soon after we headed to the courtyard, where we spent the afternoon with the rest of the squad.

It was a very basic training day, just a regular combat session. And as expected, she did well. Well, I must admit, she was great. Thanks to her skills she managed to earn some respect from the others, even though she almost avoided them soon after the end of the session. But before that, I heard some of them asking her who taught her this or that. She always replied "no one".

A little curiosity sparkled within me. What was her life back then? Did she suffer the same misery I experienced or the underground was kinder to her? No, I don’t think so, but still, I didn’t enjoy all those questions that started to build up in my mind as soon as I got back into my room.

 _Another sleepless night_ , I thought. Indeed, it was.

After a couple of hours, there was a strange noise. I stayed quiet for a while, trying to hear something else. And there was another noise. This time I was sure: it came from Daphne’s room.

_Is she trying to open her window or something? Is she trying to escape?_

I rushed to my window looking out: nothing. Then up: she was climbing up to the roof. _What a little thug._

Little did she know there were stairs to get to the roof. Once arrived there I saw her sitting at the edge of the roof, contemplating the sky. _It doesn’t seem like she’s trying to escape_. I hid, surveying her, but she didn’t much more than just sitting.

"I can’t tell if you’re a huge creep or just a regular pervert, captain" she said at some point.

She always knew I was there. _Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers! I've just activated a tiktok account (@laurelleghuleh) where I'll update you about the releasing of the chapters. From now on I think I'll post once a week.  
> I don't own the picture I used for Daphne's room. The image is called "Awakening" and it's by MONTEZUMA, you can find other MONTEZUMA's works on DeviantArt.com.  
> See you next time, readers!


	4. Heart, tell them what you came for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan to stay long  
> I didn't plan to stay long (Stay long)  
> In the snake pit so long, I've got posters up (Stay long)  
> Been defending so long, I don't know how to stop (Long)
> 
> Heart, tell them what you came for  
> Heart, tell them what you've been daydreamin' about  
> What the evening's about to
> 
> (Tell them, James Blake)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: violence
> 
> songs: "Tell them" by James Blake, "Talk" by Salvatore Ganacci, "Forever & Ever More" by Nothing But Thieves, "Bad Man" by Esterly, Austin Jenckens

### Heart, tell them what you came for

LEVI’S POV

“You shouldn’t be here. Do you miss prison so much?” I asked her.

“I’m doing anything wrong. Please, get lost…” she paused and then slightly turned her head, just to say “captain”.

 _Captain._ I repeated the sound of her voice articulating that word a couple of times more. _Captain. Captain_.

“Tch. I don’t care. You should be in your room, sleeping”

“I can’t” She confessed.

_Well, apparently, I wasn’t the only one not able to catch some sleep._

“Again. I. Don’t. Care. Go back to your room”

She stayed silent, ignoring me and still staring at the sky.

“Oi. Are you deaf? I said. Back. To your room. Don’t make me repeat myself or I’ll push you down the building”

She suddenly turned her head over her shoulder, staring at me intensely. _If looks could kill, I’d be dead right now._ And yet, on second thought, her eyes were pretty reddish. Glassy. Close to tears. _Was she crying before I caught her?_

Too distracted by my own thoughts, I didn’t notice she had slowly gotten up and pretty close to me. “You are all talk, captain, and no trousers, you know? Always threatening me with death and yet here I am. Still very much alive. Living and breathing”

Her tone ignited something almost animalistic inside of me. Something wicked. And at that moment, I totally lost it. _Who she thinks she’s talking to?_

I fiercely grabbed her collar, brought her to the very edge of the roof, almost shoving her out of it. One of her feet slightly whipped out of the corner, but her face remained stoic. Stony-faced. She grabbed my wrist to steady herself like she was trying to provoke me, fight me, but still stayed almost unmoved.

Looking me dead in the eyes, she was waiting for the death sentence from her executioner. Not a single word. Not a single whine. _Isn’t she afraid of me? Isn’t she even afraid of dying?_ _This must be a bluff._ And yet, she never flinched.

 _Enough_. I decided to let her go, throwing her to the ground. “Back to your room” I said once again.

“Captain?” she mumbled while I was already closing the roof’s door behind my back.

Again. Captain. _Captain_. I turned back.

“Captain, before you go… I wanted to say… I-I’m sorry”

“Ok. Got it. Now, back to your room”

“No” She declared standing up, right in front of me “N-not for this. Well, also, but I wanted to say that I’m sorry… for Farlan…and Isabel… I’ve never stopped thinking about it. You know, about your reaction. They were close to you, weren’t they? I’m so sorry… I was ordered to-“

“Don’t” I interrupted her “Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t know and that was your mission, right?” and then we stared at each other for what seemed a very long time.

I was looking for something else to say or some way to say nothing at all, but a little voice inside me told me to speak. To talk to her about it. But why? So, I soundly sighed and opened my mouth.

“Yes” I declared “We were close. Friends, you could say. More like a family, actually” She immediately tensed.

“I told you, don’t be sorry… I don’t need your pity” I spat as she was lightly shaking. _What is the matter now? Why does she even care? Criminals don’t care_.

“I am. I am sorry” she replied straight away.

“You know, I’m pretty familiar with the underground. It challenges you in any way humanly possible until you can’t bear it anymore, until you are capable of the most horrifying things, just to survive. _Swim or you’ll drown,_ right?”

She flinched a little and then said “So, I was right. You are the guy from the underground”

“Yeah… to be honest, our stories are pretty similar” I confessed.

“I don’t think so, captain”

And then again, my childish curiosity spoke for me: “So tell me about it, cadet”

“There isn’t much to say… You already know pretty much everything. Just a regular thug from the underground. Before that, to quote one of your comrades, a _slut_. A poor orphan making a living by working in a whorehouse. Oh, and I once was a survey corps’ prisoner. The rest is history”

I couldn’t find the right word to say. She really was a prostitute. And Oruo had the audacity to provoke her like that. I felt so upset. He was a great soldier but… a loutish most of the time. I was still speechless. If only she knew that also my mother used to work as a pr-…

“Well, captain, I’ve bothered you long enough now. So, I-“

“Forget about it” I suddenly spat “Whatever happened back then forget about it. Let your past die and most importantly, don’t have any regret”

“Like you did?”

“Yes, and like you should. Be a better person. Do something good. Make new friends”

“I’m tryin-“

“No, you are not. I saw you today. I observed you. You barely speak to your mates. They are your comp-”

“I know you stared at me the whole time, captain” She teased me looking up at me. _Was I staring at her? Was it that obvious?_ I thought.

“Shut up. That’s my job, cadet. I have to survey you and your fellows”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, captain”

“Tch. Be more sociable. Full stop. Now, back to your room…”

“Look who’s talking…”

“Cadet. I warn you: you’re playing with fire”

“I’m just saying that I did everything I was supposed to do today. I ate. I trained. I didn’t try any “funny business” as you said, so-“

“That’s not enough. You have to trust them and they have to trust you. Some of them will join the Survey Corps. Some of them we’ll be in our squad, so you need to trust them. The next expedition will take place soon, so be more sociable. End of discussion”

“Ok, I wasn’t sociable, buuuut I observed them if that counts for anything”

“Tch. Let’s hear. Enlighten me, cadet. Share with me some of your wisdom”

She frowned her forehead, upset by my little tease, and then she started “Some of them are already both talented and motivated, like that Mikasa. Then we have a bunch of “I don’t know why I’m here” beefy guys. Similarly, a bunch of “I want to be here but I don’t know if I should”, you know, the motivated but poorly skilled type. Still, I admire their spirit, like that Armin. He seems a nice person. And lastly, the ones who give me chills. Like that blondie, Annie. Her eyes looked almost dead… Even though she was the only one truly challenging me during the combat, she mumbled some nonsense, like that she wants to survive, she won’t join the survey corps. And yet, she was one of the strongest in the group. Weirdo. Oh, and talking about weirdos, let’s not forget our Jean. He hit on me three times. Three. Only during the training. And then once again soon after it ended”

“So, you can be very talkative when you want to, Daphne” And also, she had quite a good intuition. She could really read people. Wait… _Did I just call her by her name?_

“I-I was just trying to give you my point of view, captain…” _Is she blushing?_ “I need some more time to trust them” She continued “I’m not good at socializing, let alone trusting people. I’ll do better next time”

 _Yeah...I know what you’re talking about_ … _Trusting people ain’t my thing either._

“Try. And now, go and try to sleep” I ordered “Tomorrow it’ll be quite a busy day. Erwin just informed me there’ll be Eren’s sentence. Have you heard of him?”

“I heard Mikasa and that short blondie talking about him. They seemed pretty worried about him. So, is it true that he can shift?”

“Yeah, he’s the guy. Tomorrow the Supreme Commander will determine which division will look after him… well, survey him. He’s fundamental for our mission. We can’t afford to lose him. So-“

“Yeah, I know. Back. To my room.” She sighed almost mimicking me. I stared at her dead in the eyes. She enjoyed teasing me way too much for my liking.

“Good night, _captain_ ”

I nodded, unable to respond, while my head was still focused on that _captain_.

DAPHNE’S POV

_I think I’ll never get used to the sky._

I’ve dreamed about that so many times and yet I couldn’t still find my peace. It felt like I couldn’t allow myself to feel at ease, let alone content to even that view.

I had no choice, and actually, their offer had given me a little more time to think again about my plan. I would have wait and then, when the right opportunity would have come, I’d run away.

 _Maybe during the next expedition…What a coward_ , I thought immediately. I couldn’t not only accomplish my mission but also I was no use to their cause. _What a coward_. Maybe I should have helped them, for a while, and then escape.

I was so conflicted, confused.

That night changed everything for me. When that thing, the titan, attacked me nothing else mattered. Any worry I had ever had in my life couldn’t compare. Its expression haunted my thoughts throughout the day as I was trying to plot my way out of that place.

I needed to go back to the underground again, I couldn’t let things that way. _Wait for me… Wait for me, Abi…_

As her face appeared between the shining dots of the wild blue yonder, a single tear dropped down along my cheek to my jaw. “ _Crying won’t fix anything, you coward. Stop it”_ a voice in my head told me.

And that’s when I sensed him. Someone. No, Levi was watching me, and soon after I said something to get his attention. He was just surveying me, _yeah sure_ , but still, his presence didn’t bother me that much, quite the opposite.

Scratch that, not only the titan, also the captain and his revelation about being the guy from the underground haunted me all day and for the rest of that night too.

Fortunately, the night didn’t last that long, and “ _a busy day_ ” awaited me.

First thing in the morning I headed to the cafeteria where a quite enthusiastic Hange was already bothering an unfazed Levi.

“Good moooorning, little early bird!” she shouted at me, while Levi only nodded in my direction, simulating a greeting.

“Why so early, darling?” Hange asked.

“The captain had informed me just yesterday that today we would have had a lot on our plate, so I wanted to be ready as soon as possible…” I replied.

Sincerely, I didn’t want to be in their way. The faster I would have gained their trust, the faster I’d had a chance to run away.

Moreover, Levi seemed rather pleased with my answer. _Did I catch him hiding a little smile in his cup?_

“That’s great! Since she’s already here you two should accompany commander Erwin to the court, I’ll go get the kid. I’m so thrilled to finally meet hiiim! See you there!!” and so she left.

Again, I was left alone with the captain. He took another sip and then extended one of his arms to a table behind him. “Here, eat something, so we can arrive at the court before the crowd” said Levi, not daring to even look at me.

“Good morning to you too, captain… and thanks anyway” I didn’t make him repeat it and I did as he said. But here he was again, bossing me around while being nice.

He had prepared a cup of tea and some slices of bread with jam. _Did he prepare it? For me? Is he just acting like a hunter feeding his prey right before killing it, or is he actually a caring person?_

My little and silent breakfast was soon over, so we headed to the stable to get a couple of horses. Levi seemed to have his own and then he grabbed another horse for me: “Take care of it. Horses are pretty smart animals” he said while brushing his horse’s mane “They have a great memory and they can understand human emotions. They’ll read you right away…They are known to be able to smell fear, you know? So, remember what I said to you yesterday: forget about the past and be present. Moreover, don’t be afraid. Whatever you’re going to see today, trust me, trust us”

I nodded, swallowing soundly. I somehow did trust them. I trusted him.

“ _You’re such a good little liar, aren’t you, Dafne? You trust him, you trust them but they shouldn’t trust you. You don’t deserve being here, you don’t deserve being a soldier”_ said again that voice.

However, we made it to the court and met Erwin right in front of it. I saw both of them chatting about something and before I could catch any clue the assembly had already started. The room was packed with people: soldiers from all the ranks, regular people, and even a priest.

“Get here, next to me” said Levi catching me by surprise “Be a _good girl_ and stay quiet until the very end” _When will he stop bossing me around?_ _I want to punch him so bad._

“Now, look there. Right in front of you. See, that’s the gendarmerie, our opponent. A bunch of chickenshit… If they win Eren’s custody, they’ll kill him straight away. And they still dare to call themselves soldiers” he explained.

I listen to him carefully as I scanned them one by one. Then Levi pinched my hand “Here he comes”.

As soon as Eren got inside the room the air got heavier. The gendarmerie was pretty agitated, they made a big fuss while arguing with a mad priest. On the contrary, Erwin confronted them and without losing his cool he proved his point. He was in charge.

But still, everybody seemed to be afraid of Eren: _what if he couldn’t control himself? What if he was a bluff? What if-_

While the whole commission was arguing, Eren was kicked right in his face. _LEVI_. _What the fuck is he doing???_ He kicked him again, and again, and again. Even harder than before. He was ruthless. _What the-_

__

But I soon realized what he was doing. He was trying to prove he was in charge, that he had Eren under his power. He was the only one who could have stopped him if necessary. _Fair enough, but isn’t he even a little afraid of that kid? Levi is still a mystery._

Soon after, Mikasa tried to scream and suddenly stood up. So, I moved closer and stopped her “Wait, Mikasa. Wait and see. Trust me” I told her.

It was a setup, I knew it.

When Levi was satisfied with his job, Erwin started to speak again. He explained once again how indispensable was Eren’s power to their mission and proposed to assign the boy to the only one who could have surveyed him: captain Levi. The supreme commander accepted. They won Eren’s custody.

Soon after the end of the assembly, Hange, Erwin, Levi and I escorted Eren back to the HQ and tried to help him with his bruises. Hange had carried some medicine with her, but Eren was so in pain. Levi had been far from gentle with him.

That’s when I remembered an unguent Martha used to hand me whenever I encountered a difficult customer. I once was beaten up pretty bad and I still remember Martha’s words “Here, take this. You know, sometimes this type of thing happens around here. Get used to it, babygirl”

Yeah sure, like it was totally normal.

However, I tried my best to replicate the recipe pretty fast with some ingredients brought there by Hange.

“What are you doing, cadet?” immediately said Levi, standing behind me and observing what I was doing.

“What does it look like to you, captain? I’m trying to help him out” I confronted him.

We stared at each other. None of us dared to look away.

“Oh, c’mon Levi, cut her some slack” said Hange.

I glared at him once again and then got back to my recipe. Soon after I was finished and I handed the unguent to Eren.

Half-kneeling down in front of him I said “It should help speed up the process. Or at least it’ll help endure the pain. It contains aloe” I smiled at him, trying to cheer him up a little.

“T-thank you s-so much, it feels really nice” He stuttered.

“You’re welcome, kid. You did well today” I said as I playfully rubbed his head. He giggled.

“Wooo, it’s true! It does feel nice. Where did you learn that, girl? I want the recipe now” Hange said enthusiastically as she was applying a little of my unguent on her arm. “This girl continues to amaze me, I’m glad you two captured her” she laughed and then she turned to face both Levi and Erwin. And so I did too.

The captain eyed me. Unfazed. _A penny for your thoughts, Levi?_

However, I chuckled a little. Hange’s fervor was quite contagious, I must admit.

Suddenly something else caught my attention: Eren’s bruises started to fade away. _What the fuck?!_ “I think I saw something even more amazing, Hange. Look at his skin…” I said pointing to him “I don’t think that was my unguent” _What kind of witchcraft is this?_

“No, darling, that’s the titans' power. But still… how fascinating…” said Hange, drooling. Another weirdo. Well, another nice weirdo.

However, that’s what Levi was talking about before. “ _Don’t be afraid. Whatever you’re going to see today, trust me, trust us”_ he said. I turned around to watch his reaction and he instantly glared at me. A hint of a smile appeared on my face. I wanted him to know I wasn’t afraid.

The more I spent time with them the more I could see what they were about.

Soon after, Hange escorted Eren back to his dorm, while Erwin, Levi and I headed down the hallway in the opposite direction.

Before he left, Erwin said “We made it. Another step further” and then he approached me “You did well today too. Thanks for handling Mikasa, she could have gotten herself into trouble without you”

“Don’t mention it, commander. She was just blinded by her feelings. She was clearly worried about Eren’s fate, I totally get it” I replied.

“Sure, but you demonstrated a lot of self-control and discipline today. Well done, cadet”

“I’m just good at reading people and situations, but thanks commander” I tried to minimize my actions. “ _Look at yourself: behaving, obeying, being a good girl… what have you become, Daphne?_ ” that voice inside my head echoed once again.

The commander discharged us, so Levi and I headed to our respective rooms.

“Are you happy now?” Levi suddenly asked me when we were almost at my door.

“Excuse me, captain?”

“Now I’ll be on Eren’s ass. I won’t have time to survey you” he said, getting close to me. Way too close “Consider yourself lucky, cadet” he continued.

“If you ever miss my ass, _captain_ , you can make an appointment. I’ll definitely keep myself free for you” I teased him, preparing myself for the worst.

His jaw tensed as he scanned my face. He inhaled soundly, never looking away from me. He looked like a wild animal, a predator. His eyes were running furiously all over my face, restless.

“Calm down, captain. I was just messing with you…” I hissed, almost feeling my own breath coming back to my face. He was way too close.

“I’ve already warned you. Smartmouth, drop it already” he whispered “Just because you behaved today, it doesn’t mean I’m buying it. I’ll still keep an eye on you”

“Oh, my dear captain, I know you’ll do” I teased him.

My fault. I brought it on myself. He gripped my jaw with just his hand and so my head banged on the door. He stared at me furiously but a small grin painted on my face. _You don’t know who you’re fucking with, Levi._

He groaned and let go of me. His expression suddenly changed: did he regret acting out of rage?

“C’mon captain, it’s time to go to sleep, right?” I whispered massaging my chin and trying to make eye-contact with him.

Levi suddenly grabbed my hand and took it away from my face. With his left one he cupped my cheek, so he started stroking my jaw with his thumb. I stared at him trying to keep my heart from jumping out of my ribcage.

His thumb softly traveled back and forth on my jaw, while the other fingers stayed solid on the back of my neck. What was that all of a sudden? And the expression on his face…He seemed sorry. Then his eyes traveled from my chin to my eyes, looking for something. He sighed soundly and moved his attention back to my jaw.

He eyed me once again and then left me there, without saying a word.

Once in my room, another sleepless night awaited me, and yet another day came. I really was a lucky bastard.

However, when the daylight hit my window I got up, showered and then headed to the cafeteria where again a silent Levi was waiting for me. Sitting next to him was Eren, quietly eating. On my usual seating position, there were a cup and a plate. Again, Levi had prepared that for me.

I noticed the plate was stuffed with biscuits, slices of bread and some fruits. Was he making amends for yesterday? I smiled at him, but he stayed silent.

While I was still focused on the food, he shyly scanned my face, looking for some evidence of our last encounter. I saw him out of the corner of my eyes so I kindly asked “Is everything alright, captain?” but he just gave me a dirty look.

Once he was finished with his tea he started to speak “Today we’ll move out of the HQ. We will travel a little and get to an old castle, which is actually the old HQ. There we will hide you, Eren, so that freak can continue her experiments on you in peace. Hurry up and meet me at the stable” and so he left.

I rolled my eyes, so Eren laughed a little. He was clearly afraid of the captain. _How can I blame him?_

“Scary, isn’t he?” said Eren when Levi left the cafeteria.

“He is all barks and no bite, trust me. However, I guess he is just trying to be a good captain… in his own way, but I think I get it” I admitted.

“I heard he went hard on you too, right? You are the criminal from the underground… Oh, I’m sorry, it didn’t come out that well… “

“No, don’t worry. You’re right, I am the criminal from the underground. And yes, he wasn’t that gentle with me either” I said.

“But you don’t seem frightened around him, how do you do that??” I really didn’t know what to say… Maybe it was because if Levi wanted me dead, I would have already been worm food.

I didn’t know for how long it would have lasted, but to be honest, judging from his last behaviors Levi seemed as conflicted as I was. Luckily for me.

After we finished our breakfast, we headed out and started our little trip along with the Special Operations Squad, also known as Squad Levi: that creep Oruo, Eld, Gunther and Petra. The elite squad of the Survey Corps, hand-picked by the almighty Captain Levi.

Once there, we all reunited in front of the gate.

“Oh God, this place is a mess. Look at all that weed!” exclaimed Gunther.

Indeed, it was a mess. A huge castle, for sure, but it rather looked like a dump now.

“In which case we have a problem, don’t we?” said Levi, coming from our backs “Best get a broom and get to work”.

 _Is he for real?_ A question mark appeared on my face and Petra immediately caught it.

“Oh, that was just the calm before the storm, now you’ll see what captain Levi is really all about” she giggled as she took me by the arm, escorting me inside the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the playlist, here you go:
> 
> [LaurelleGhuleh](https://soundcloud.com/user-610080118) · [You taste like camomile and freedom](https://soundcloud.com/user-610080118/sets/you-taste-like-camomile-and)


	5. A word to the wise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was about to turn left to my room when Petra approached me: “You stood up to Levi”.
> 
> “Barely, the captain is very… strong” I replied.
> 
> “Yeah, Levi is the best” she said, underlining again the captain’s name “I’m totally in awe whenever I see him fighting”.
> 
> “Indeed, he is the best. I have a lot to learn from him” I said trying to cut that awkward conversation and get back on my way. What the fuck is she trying to hint?
> 
> “Well, I’m always in awe when it comes to Levi. A girl is allowed to dream, right? I think you can understand me…”
> 
> “No, actually I’m not following you, Petra” I replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs: "Poison" by Brent Faiyaz, "Pacify her" by Melanie Martinez

**A word to the wise**

****

LEVI’S POV (from the night before)

I tried to slow down my breathing. I was panting.

“C’mon captain, it’s time to go to sleep, right?” she whispered softly, like she was trying to reassure me. I could sense her eyes traveling all over me, but I couldn’t even dare to look at her, so I continued staring at the door’s handle beside her right arm. Then I saw her raising her hand to her chin, massaging slowly all the way to her jaw and cheek too. _Did I hurt you? I hurt you. Why did I react like that? What got into me all of a sudden?_

I grabbed her hand. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have acted like that. _I’m sorry_. _Daphne, I’m sorry._

While I stopped her right hand with mine, I slowly raised the other one, cupping her cheek. Her skin felt so smooth… so silky under my touch. _Did I hurt you?_ Then, I placed my palm on her neck, moving slowly my thumb on her jaw. _Does it hurt? Tell me where it hurt_ s. _Daphne,_ _I’m sorry_.

I wanted to tell her, to tell her how sorry I was but my pride silenced me. I only stared at her.

Her eyes trembled. As far as I could tell she wasn’t sad or even afraid, she rather looked… embarrassed? Her cheeks got suddenly red. _Maybe I am actually making her uncomfortable. I should stop. I should just let her be._ And so I did.

I sighed soundly and after stroking her cheek once more I left, without saying a word. _What a coward_. I really was.

I quickly rushed into my room, shutting the door behind me with all my strength.

 _What got into me? What was I thinking?_ Conflicted thoughts populated my mind. _I’m sorry_.

_I know I should be suspicious of her. We still can’t fully trust her. Even though… She is actually behaving herself. Since we arrested her, she didn’t anything wrong. She’s always neat, her uniform tidy, and her scent, her scent it’s making me going crazy these days. She smells really good, like something sweet and warm. Anyway…she’s never late or rude to anyone – well except for those who deserve it… and me. I quite deserved it too. I wasn’t the nicest to her either._

_She did well at her training sessions, during the assembly and then she even helped Hange and Eren. The way that night she apologized for Farlan and Isabel, what kind of criminal do such a thing? She’s probably a decent human being._

_And yet, I needed to make all this up, act bossy all the time with her to test her, to test her loyalty. I should just continue like this, after all, I am the captain and I should be impassive with her. I cannot make exceptions. I cannot, even if she smells good. Even if she comes from the underground, just like me. Even if she worked as a prostitute, just like my mum. How could I possibly forget what she told me last time? I’m the only one who can actually imagine the pain she’s been through._

_And yet, I acted like a dick all the time. That being said, I can’t even treat her better just because I pity her or else… Even though, I don’t think is pity what I feel for her… However, four-eyes is right for once, I should just cut her some slack. If I want her to trust us, I firstly should trust her._

First thing in the morning I picked Eren up and we went to the cafeteria. This time, as I was preparing Daphne’s breakfast, I foolishly thought about getting her a bigger plate, full of everything I could have found there before that flock of brats came. _What am I even doing?_ I’m glad Eren didn’t ask me anything about it. He was still too afraid of me to stick his nose in my business… and to be honest, I didn't even know what I could have ever answered if he'd asked. _What am I even doing?_

However, she was already there. On-time, as always. So, I handed her the plate and the cup I had prepared.

She definitely noticed the difference. She smiled at me, giving me a better look at her face, illuminated by a ray of sunlight, coming from behind me. I checked over her face and neck to see if there was any sign of yesterday. She noticed me checking her too. _She looks fine_. _She even looks tranquil_. _I’m glad._

Nevertheless, I discharged both of them soon after and went outside to meet the rest of the squad. I informed them that both Eren and Daphne would have traveled with us to the castle.

“Tch, really? That girl is coming with us?” I heard. I knew it was Oruo.

“Exactly. And you better watch your mouth this time or that will be your last words. Understood?” I spat.

“Y-yes, sir”

“You are a boor sometimes, Oruo” said Petra.

Once Eren and Daphne had joined us, we departed. During the trip Petra tried her best to interact with Daphne, asking her pretty general questions. _They look so different and yet so similar_. I observed them the whole time. At some point, we arrived and the castle looked worse than I expected. It was a mess.

“Listen up everybody. I want this place spotless” I commanded “Let’s start from the inside. Eld, Gunther you two will take care of the towers and the last floor. Petra, Oruo, the dorms and rooms on the second floor. Eren, Daphne, on the first floor. Then we’ll proceed with the rest of the building when the other soldiers will join us”

“Yessir” They shouted in chorus.

DAPHNE’S POV

I patted Eren on the back “Let’s go, buddy”. In response, he only snorted.

The captain provided us with all the essentials for cleaning, therefore we started straight away.

“So, captain Levi is a clean-freak… I thought it was just a rumor” said a quite annoyed Eren.

“Well, how could you blame him? This place looks like a dump” I replied.

“It’s not only about cleaning…” Interrupted us Petra entering the room “He wants everything spotless, to the point where he can see his reflection on the surface” she lightly laughed.

“Oh, Eren try not to look so discouraged” she then continued “You Daphne, on the other hand, you don’t seem that much bothered by it”

“Cleaning is not a big deal. The satisfaction after it is the reward, I suppose”

“Oh no, she’s one of them!” playfully shouted Eren.

I laughed, he looked so silly “When I was younger, I was the one in charge of the housekeeping – _If you could call that a house_ I thought - among my… - _sisters?_ \- sisters, so I’m kind of used to these things”

“Oh, so you have sisters! Are you the oldest?” cheered Petra.

“Not really, but I’ve always acted like I was-”

“More cleaning, less speaking” said Levi entering the room. He started sifting through the whole room, passing his index on each surface. Though we did work hard, so he couldn’t complain much.

“Since you’re almost done here, Daphne you’ll go downstairs and start cleaning there. Eren when you’ll be done with those curtains, you’ll help her out down there. Understood?”

“Yessir” we answered in sync.

And so I did. When I passed beside Levi to leave the room, he looked at me with a glimpse of satisfaction.

Once there, I could smell something strong, which was almost intoxicating me “I better get to work… This place looks more like a basement rather than a prison. I wonder how low it goes…”.

A little curiosity sparked in me. _This is an old military base. This place goes a couple of levels under the ground. What if this place could hide some passage? Could that be possible? When I was looking for secret passages to get my sisters out of there, I remember reading about the undisclosed routes used by soldiers to get a faster way to the underground. Could I-?_

Completely distracted by my own thoughts, I tripped into something. _What the heck- a handle? Could it be a… trapdoor? To the underground?_

I wasn’t overthinking it too much and I promptly opened it. _Dark, I can’t see a damn thing…Well, now or never, let’s go._ The descent was very difficult since I couldn’t see much, but I tried my best to follow the walls of the pipe. At some point I suddenly fell into a hole, hitting hard on my spine. _That must have been a dozen meters._ The pain got even worse when I realized how dirty it was. I was completely covered with mud and dust. Once I had recovered a little, I tried to look around me. My eyes already got used to the dark and I could see a couple of corridors in front of me, one of them more illuminated than the other. _Here goes nothing_ I thought getting closer to that corridor.

The light was feeble and it came from a couple of manholes on the ground. _Oh my…_ And then I saw it. The underground. Right there. Its pungent smell. Its lifeless colors. Its desolation.

_Damn, how high am I right now? I could never make it from here… unless… unless I could use my 3d maneuver gear. I could use it. I could and I will. Maybe tonight or tomorrow night, if Levi doesn’t follow me. There’s no other way. I don’t know the surface. I would never make it to the underground traveling around the districts up there. I don’t know where to find a gate to the underground. Instead, this passage will take me right where I want to go. This is my only chance to escape. I’ll think about it, but now I really have to go before they realize I’m gone._

Going back, I heard some noises coming from above.

I rushed back but I found myself stuck in the middle of the corridors where I had fallen before. The hole was too high and the place too dark.

“Oi, are you there?” I heard coming from above. _Is that Levi? Oh no… oh no… ok, don’t panic_. _Don’t panic._

“Captain?? Is that you??” I tried to scream like I was scared or else.

“Take this rope” he shouted.

“Ok, I'm coming up”

I started to climb, but the mud on my hands made me slipped twice. I eventually made it almost to the end of the rope, but still I couldn’t see anything. I suddenly felt a hand under my forearm and another one behind my back.

“C’mon you’re almost there” I heard Levi saying, pretty close to me.

He caught me off guard with that move and I almost fell. But in that position, he was able to catch me. I practically collapsed on him as we ended up on the ground, in a sort of weird embrace.

“Are you ok?” asked Levi, only a couple of inches from my face.

“Y-yes. T-thank you for rescuing me…” I stuttered.

“Eren, couldn’t find you, so I rushed here…” _Did he rush here? To find me? Oh yeah. What if I escaped, right? What if your dear prisoner made it out of here?_

“What the fuck were you doing down here?” He continued, getting up. His tone had suddenly changed. Maybe he had realized that I could have actually escaped down there.

“I was cleaning and I suddenly fell in the trapdoor…C’mon, let’s go back” I promptly replied.

He didn’t say anything and just followed me. Once out of there, some curious scouts were waiting for me in the hallways, mumbling and whispering behind my back, as I passed between them completely covered by dirt.

Once close to the dormitory hall, Levi started to talk again “What were you actually doing down there?”

“I’ve already told you. I fell” I replied.

“You fell onto the trapdoor… and then walked all the way to that hole? Did you roll or something?”

“Funny. Very funny. No, I just couldn’t see anything, I was so confused and then-“ My fake excuse was providentially interrupted.

“Daphne! What happened- Oh, captain Levi, I didn’t see you there” said Eren, running towards us.

“Ehi kid, don’t worry. I’m fine. I just _fell_ ” I said eyeing Levi.

“Ok, that’s good to hear. See you at the cafeteria then…” and so he left.

“If you excuse me, captain, I’ll go and take a shower now. You should do as well” I said entering my room, once again next to his.

“Tch” I heard coming from him and nothing else.

 _Another close call_ …I thought. _I hope he won’t mind too much._ _But I know, he will._

It was time for me to head to the cafeteria. Leaving my room, I saw Levi coming out of his. _What a coincidence, lucky me._

“Captain” I said. But again, nothing. He stayed silent, glaring at me. Then, he gestured me to follow him. _I’m this close to punch him, but now I’m not in the position to make him even angrier with me. Calm down, Daphne, calm down._

When we entered the cafeteria, everyone was looking in my direction, again. _Don’t get anxious, don’t get anxious_. _Maybe they are looking at Levi._

I was following Levi to his squad’s table when I heard someone calling my name. It was Eren.

“Daphne, the guys wanted to ask you if you’d like to join us for lunch…”

“Ehm, I don’t know if I’m allowed to…” I eyed Levi like I was asking for his permission. He left without saying a word, so I followed Eren to his table, where Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Jean and Connie were.

They were all pretty nice to me, I must admit. We spoke about everything and anything.

“I was wondering how old are you Daphne?” said Eren at some point.

Jean immediately hit him on the back of his head “Don’t you know you don’t ask a woman’s age”.

“No biggie, your question is totally fair. I’m definitely older than you. I’m 24”.

They were all impressed by my answer. “I’d have bet you were 19 or 20. However, you look younger than you are” said Connie.

“Thanks, I take it as a compliment, Connie” I softly smiled. _I’m still not used to receive compliments or things like that._

Soon after Mikasa, who was right in front of me, spoke “I wanted to thank you Daphne… for the other day, at the sentence. I could have made it worse if you didn’t stop me…”

“Oh, don’t mention it. I was as confused as you were, but I kept my faith in captain Levi’s actions” I replied straight away. She shyly smiled in response.

“Talking about the captain…” started Sasha, next to me “Isn’t he staring at you?”.

“No, he’s probably _surveilling_ me” I said without overthinking it. On second thought, he was actually staring at me. I sensed his eyes from the opposite side of the room. He was looking at me so fiercely, I could feel his eyes directly into my soul.

Without looking away from me, he continued eating and drinking. I couldn’t tell how much time passed. “Well, if you call that surveilling…” said Sasha, like she was hinting at something else.

_What the fuck does Levi want from me?_

“If you don’t mind me asking… But, what kind of relationship do you have with the captain?” I don’t know who asked me that, probably it was Sasha again, but I was still focused on Levi. He wouldn’t stop staring at me. And I felt like I couldn’t look away from his grey eyes, like the first night we met, they were haunting me even from a distance.

“None…” I mumbled still staring at him “He’s just plotting my death, I guess. If you can call it a relationship…” I added sarcastically, now facing the others. They all laughed and we turned our attention back to the food.

“Cadets” I heard someone saying. It was Levi. _When did he arrive?_ “Today you’ll train with the adults. Don’t be late” He eyed me once more and then left.

“Yessir” we all answered in chorus.

When our lunch was over, we all headed together to a big room where the training was held. A big soft carpet was right in the center of the room, almost covering the whole pavement.

“Well, make yourself comfortable. You can stay with your t-shirt or tank top, bare chest, whatever it’s fine. Then choose your partner for today. Please, try with someone you’ve never paired, so that you can challenge yourself a little more, alright?” said Nanaba, a veteran member of the corps, as far as I knew.

I was looking around me, thinking about my possible partner. _Mikasa would be a great opponent or maybe I could ask Gunther, he seems a strong soldier._

Pondering the situation, I sensed again Levi’s gaze from the other side of the room. He was sitting behind a desk with another squad leader. I was so pissed off by his staring, so I said only moving my lips “ _What are you looking at?_ ” _._ He rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the others.

I saw some other girls taking their shirts off, staying only with their sports bra or tank tops. I still wasn’t that confident to show my body to them, but on second thought that was just a training session, so I had to be as comfortable as possible. When I finished unbuttoning my shirt, I was wearing my sports bra only and I caught Levi out of the corner of my eye, once again staring at me.

So, I turned around completely to face him and I gestured him to close his mouth. He was so pissed off I could see his jaw clenching from a distance.

However, I had caught someone else attention too. Jean coughed behind my back and then said “Ehi Daphne, may I ask you if you want to train with me? You seemed pretty skilled last time…”

“Sure” I answered unfazed.

“Oh great, ah ah, perfect, perfect” he started mumbling “So let’s get started, ok?”

“Ok” I said. Before he could do much, I knock him out, making him fall to the carpet.

“Ouch, that was… Ok, let me try again. Let’s start again from the beginning” he said getting up and positioning like he knew what he was doing. Thus, I waited for him to attack me. I crossed my arms and stared at him.

“Oh, it’s my turn. Ok, so…” and then he started to get closer to me, throwing a punch in the air. I promptly caught it, twisted his arm and made him fall to the ground. Again.

He hit the ground pretty bad, so I decided to help him out. I offered him a hand and he grabbed it straight away. Once up, he didn’t want to leave my hand and he started whispering “Wow, Daphne, we need to set up a couple of sessions together. You have to teach me those moves…”

“You just need to talk less and practice more, Jean, but not with me” I whispered back.

At that exact moment, that little gag was interrupted by the one and only Levi, who was now wearing only his white tank top.

“If you want to practice, at least choose a decent opponent” he said looking at me, then he turned facing Jean “Cadet, go wash your face. Once you are back, find someone at your level. Leave her to me”. Jean only nodded and run off.

“Bring it on, _captain_ ” I said, bowing. We positioned ourselves, as everybody turned around to watch us.

As I slightly moved my feet, he promptly moved towards me. I started to throw some punches but he caught them all. I was able to parry his kicks and punches too, but he was definitely stronger than me. I turned around to avoid another punch, leaving him space to attack me from behind. He locked my neck with his right arm as I tried to grab it with all my strength.

Even though I was almost suffocating, I managed to say “Us like this… It brings me back to some lovely memories captain, don’t you agree?”

He groaned. I soon got out of his grip, escaping from the free side of my neck, whipping a leg back just to distract him, but he promptly grabbed it, making me lose my balance. While I was trying to not fall, I grabbed his top to steady myself, instead I just dragged him with me down to the floor. Here we were again, one on the other in the most awkward position ever, while the other scouts were watching us.

Levi seemed caught completely off guard by what happened and he just stared at me with his mouth open, breathing heavily. I didn’t overthink it too much and I rapidly threw him away, switching our positions. Now that I was on top of him, I could have punched him better, but he promptly grabbed my hand again, pushing me aside and switching our position again.

“This is your punishment for lying to me this morning” he whispered, leaning closer to my ear. I was still struggling to escape from his grip.

“Captain, what are you talking about? I would never lie to you, sir” I said sarcastically, managing to push him again onto the floor.

We continued rolling all over the carpet trying to knock out the other one, until a voice interrupted that little show of ours.

“Oh, c’mon you two, get a room! There are minors here too!” said Hange laughing “Levi, spare that poor girl. I need her for my experiment tonight. Are you down for it, Daphne?”

“Y-yeah, sure” I answered. Levi was still on top of me, blocking both of my hands with one of his, over my head. So, I coughed and then said “If you could kindly take off of me, sir…”

He eyed me fiercely, then stood up and went back to his desk. Everyone also got back to their business as I followed Hange out of the room.

“So tonight, after dinner, come to the courtyard of the castle. I can’t wait to introduce you to my two little children: Sawney and Bean” she said.

“Two little children?” I started asking her, with a puzzled expression painted on my face.

“Yeah, the two little titans we captured last time! Don’t worry, we’ll have so much fun together! See you there!” and so she left.

Still confused, I felt a couple of pats on my back “You did pretty well against the captain! You know they call him humanity’s strongest soldier?” said Sasha enthusiastically.

Soon after, all the other soldiers joined us, as we walked to the dorm’s hallway. I was about to turn left to my room when Petra approached me: “You stood up to Levi”.

“Barely, the captain is very… strong” I replied.

“Yeah, _Levi_ is the best” she said, underlining again the captain’s name “I’m totally in awe whenever I see him fighting”.

“Indeed, he is the best. I have a lot to learn from him” I said trying to cut that awkward conversation and get back on my way. _What the fuck is she trying to hint?_

“Well, I’m always in awe when it comes to Levi. A girl is allowed to dream, right? I think you can understand me…”

“No, actually I’m not following you Petra” I replied.

“Oh dear, I see the way you look at him. I used to fantasize about him the same way…”

“I’m not looking at him in any way!” I interrupted her, but she didn’t pay that much attention to me.

“But don’t dream too much” she continued “he’s not interested in anything other than fighting titans. I know what you’re trying to do, but it won’t work” she then added, while I had already turned my back to her. _This bitch…_

“I think you totally misunderstood the whole situation, Petra. I don’t know what you’re hinting at” I said, trying my best to not lose my cool.

“A word to the wise is enough…” she said and then smiled at me. I bit my tongue and smiled back. We stared at each other like we were silently fighting. Soon after she left me there wondering what the fuck she was actually about. _Maybe she’s just jealous. However, I hate it when people jump to conclusions. I hate it with my whole soul._

I sighed and got back to my room. _Fuck_ , _I need another shower_.

Closing my eyes under the comforting flow of hot water I couldn’t stop thinking about Petra’s words. And immediately his face appeared on the back of my eyelids. Levi, right on top of me, sweating and panting just a couple of inches from me. His bare forearms extended over my head to prevent himself from collapsing completely on me. His eyes trembling and going back and forth from my eyes to my mouth.

I groaned so loudly I echoed in the whole bathroom. _What am I doing? Am I feeling aroused just by the thought of him? What the fuck is happening to me? I must be going insane._

I rushed out of the shower, trying to keep my mind busy, eluding the image of Levi… of Levi swinging his wet hair over my face, almost brushing my forehead. _Stop. I said stop. Stop thinking about him._

I practically shoved my dinner down my throat, avoiding almost everyone in the cafeteria. I successfully made it and then headed to where Hange was waiting for me.

Once arrived I realized what I had signed for. Hange had mounted two big tents under which her “two children” were catching some sleep. Or at least were trying to.

“Daphne, welcome!” she whispered waving at me.

I waved back at her, getting closer suspiciously.

“Oh, don’t be afraid. Tonight, we’re going to have some fun!” She smiled widely, but I still looked quite concerned. “So, as I’ve already announced you, under here we have Sawney and Bean. We need to monitor their resistance in the dark, are you following me?”

“Sure” I answered straight away.

“Excellent. The first has just fallen asleep, so we need to keep up only with this one and see how he behaves”

“Sounds like a plan” I smiled at her.

“That’s the spirit! Anyway, this is Lauda, one of the members of my squad and, today, my assistant” Lauda shyly shook my hand and bowed her head.

“I’m Daphne, nice to meet you Lauda” I said.

Then we entered the tent where the titan was held. It was rather annoyed by our arrival.

“Calm down, big boy, a long night awaits us” said Hange sarcastically.

“So, how long do you think it will take?” I asked her.

“The first one collapsed not long after the sunlight faded, only a couple of minutes before you came. But with this one I can’t tell. However…”

“Good evening” _I could recognize this voice among millions. Levi,_ I thought.

I didn’t even dare to look at him.

“Oh Levi, I’m glad you joined us, but I don’t recollect inviting you” said Hange.

“You didn’t. I wanted to see what kind of freakshow you are up to” replied Levi, with his usual unfazed tone. _Yeah sure, that’s the reason why you came. Sure. You’re not here to keep an eye on me._

He sat down on a sort of pillow next to Lauda, who was right at my left, but slightly rotated in my direction.

“Cadets” he said, greeting us. “Captain Levi” Lauda replied immediately.

On the other hand, I felt like my words were trapped in my throat. Still not looking at him, I whispered “C-captain”.

_It’s really going to be a long night._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers! I managed to upload the story on wattpad too.  
> I hope you're all doing well and enjoying the story so far, see you next time!


	6. Camomile...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My point is: try next time to be more indulgent with your subordinates… Try to loosen up a bit…”  
> Levi was silently following me all along. So, I looked at his cup with a little tea-bag inside and continued “For example, what is that?”  
> “Tea” He spat.  
> “Tea. That’s no good at this hour of the day. Theine is a strong stimulant-“  
> “I don’t recall asking you for advice”  
> I clenched my jaw. This man is so difficult. I sighed soundly “Why don’t you try this…” I handed him a tiny bag that I was keeping inside my jacket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers, some very important notes before we start.  
> I care a lot about this chapter, it's one of the few I already had in mind before the story started to grow significantly.  
> There will be few but meaningful actions, lots of dialogues needed to give a better understanding of Daphne's backstory and essential for the evolution of her relationship with Levi.  
> As already announced in some previous chapters, her past is pretty dark, so there'll be mentions of prostitution, manipulative behaviors and also the description of a panic attack. So If you aren't comfortable reading these things right now, don't.  
> I hope you like it anyway.  
> Last thing, I don't know who made the fan-art I used for this chapter. If you do, let me know in the comments!  
> A couple of songs I recommend:
> 
>   
> "The night we met" by Lord Huron; "Sign of the times" by Harry Styles; "In my veins" by Andrew Belle.  
> Bye, see you next time readers!

**Camomile...**

****

LEVI’S POV

When I entered the cafeteria, something felt odd. Out of place. I was later than usual and everyone was already there. But I knew someone was missing. Someone. _Daphne. Where is she now?_

“Looking for someone, Levi?” said Mike sarcastically.

“Mind your fucking business, Mike” I replied harshly.

He sighed and then added “If you’re looking for that girl… she chowed down her food and ran off. I asked her where she was rushing off in such a hurry, she mumbled something about Hange and an experiment they had to do together or something-“

I didn’t even wait for him to finish his sentence and I started walking out of the cafeteria. _What the fuck is she doing? Is she trying to avoid me after what happened during the training? This girl…_

The irritation was growing inside of me and I couldn’t even stand the sound of my boots echoing in the deserted hallways, as I walked towards the courtyard. _Is she really avoiding me?_

Once there, in the middle of the lawn stood out two massive tents and a little light seemed to come from the biggest one. _I’m sure I’ll find them under there._

“Good evening” I said.

There she was, between Lauda and Hange. I sensed her uneasiness as I entered the tent. She knew it was me and yet she never turned or raised her head to even look at me. _What the fuck is wrong with her now? She really was avoiding me._

“Oh Levi, I’m glad you joined us, but I don’t recollect inviting you” said Hange greeting me with her usual and unnecessary amount of enthusiasm.

“You didn’t. I wanted to see what kind of freakshow you are up to” I announced.

_Why are you avoiding me? Look at me._

“Cadets” I added, trying to get her attention. Lauda raised her head and kindly replied to me. Daphne still stayed silent.

As I sat down on the only free pillow, next to Lauda, I finally heard a whisper “ _c-captain_ ”. It was her. She still didn’t dare to look at me. _Look at me._ I turned a little in her direction, just to have a better view of her. _Look at me_.

“However, where were we, Daphne?” asked Hange. Daphne’s gaze was still fixed onto the ground, a few inches from the titan. Still silent. She only raised her shoulders. _Look at me_.

“Oh well never mind” spoke again Hange “Well, since we’ll stay here for a while… Have you ever seen a titan in person, Daphne? Or is this your first time?”

“J-just once” said Daphne.

“Oh my, really? Just once? When? Where? How tall was it?? Did you kill it??” continued Hange, almost drooling. _Sometimes she gives me chills._

Hearing that question Daphne’s eyes suddenly opened wide. She raised her head to give a better look to her interlocutor, who was excitingly waiting for an answer. Then, she finally looked at me. Our eyes locked in an intense gaze. We still both remembered pretty vividly that night. _She was about to get herself killed. If it wasn’t for me…_

But she was still silent. Without looking away from her trembling eyes, I spoke on her behalf: “Just a few days ago. Out of the walls in front of the HQ. A 7m-class. And yes, she killed it, before passing out due to the shock”.

“No. Way. Really? So, you’re as skilled as they say!” added Hange.

“No, I’m not. The captain helped me with that thing. He told me where to cut and saved my life” she confessed “Just a few moments after trying to kill me…” she then added spitefully.

_Tch, really? Are you fucking kidding me?_

“Not before _you_ tried to kill me. Then, _I_ tried to kill you” I argued, maintaining my composure.

“Guys, chill…” Hange tried to get in the middle, raising her hands.

“I wouldn’t have had to kill you if you hadn’t gotten in my way” suddenly spat Daphne. Her tone completely changed. She was almost growling. She had turned her chest in my direction, placing her hands on the thighs. Her eyes were wide and her chest puffed out.

“On your way to kill me!” I shouted back, pointing at her violently “And Erwin too! And-“ I was about to continue when her attention was caught by Lauda, who had started shaking convulsively. All this time her eyes were fixed on the titan, that had started to get agitated by our shouts. Lauda really lost it. _How many hours has she been here_?

My mouth spoke sooner than my brain. “Oi. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Lauda wasn’t able to respond. “Oi, get a grip-“

“Are you nuts or what??” Yelled Daphne at me “Don’t you see she’s having a panic attack!! You fucking dickhead. Fucking moron” she continued mumbling furiously at me. She got closer to Lauda and whispered softly: “Lauda, listen to my voice, I’ll bring you out of here. Stay with me, ok? Focus on my voice only, ok?”. Therefore, she eyed Hange who helped her lifting Lauda and carrying her out of the tent. I followed them without saying a word. I didn’t know what to do.

Lauda was still shaking violently, her eyes lost somewhere, her breath uncontrollable.

Daphne took one of Lauda’s hands and massing it she whispered to her, quietly, like she was trying to not disturb her “Darling, listen to me, why don’t we lay down. C’mon lay down with me. Calm down, calm down. I’m right here with you…”. It looked like she knew what she was doing.

They laid down on the lawn, next to each other. She was still holding her hand, gently brushing the thumb on her palm “Ok, Lauda, breathe in with me, then I’ll count to five and we’ll breathe out together, ok? Are you with me?” Lauda almost faintly nodded.

“Ok. Breathe in…1, 2, 3, very good, 4,5, breathe out…Great, Lauda. Let’s do it again. You’re doing great. Breathe in…” As she counted again, she sat next to Lauda’s face to brush her hair “and breathe out…” She blew soundly “You’re doing great, darling… once more…”

They kept doing it for another couple of times until Lauda’s breath was steadied.

I stayed still. Not able to do much. I had been watching the whole scene carefully and really felt like a douche.

“How are you feeling?” Daphne asked her softly.

“B-better, t-thank you so much… I don’t know what got into me…I-I-“stuttered Lauda getting up.

“My bad. Lauda is not used to be this close and this long to titans. Well, nobody is, except for me. I’m so sorry Lauda, but…”

“Don’t worry Hange, I’ve just got suddenly anxious. It’s my fault…” added Lauda.

“However, you should go to your room now and try to catch some sleep. I suggest you drink something warm before, or a couple of glasses of water would be fine. If you get anxious again, be stronger than your temporary fear and focus on your breathing. Focus on yourself. Breath in and breath out. Ok?”

“Yes, thank you again, Daphne… I really appreciate what you just did… I owe you”

“Oh, don’t even say it. I know what it feels like…it’s not your fault, but you can work on it. Ok? Sleep tight” said Daphne, hugging her and waving her goodbye.

I was still staring at her and she felt my eyes on her. We stayed like that. Like we used to, eyeing each other fiercely, almost fighting in silence, for what seemed an eternity. Her hands on her hips, her eyes locked with mine, her nostrils moving nervously, like an animal.

Hange suddenly said “Sorry to interrupt your articulate conversation, but the baby just fell asleep, so we can call it a day and go all to sle-“

I didn’t wait for her to finish and I headed back inside _. I need a cup of tea_.

DAPHNE’S POV

I was livid with rage. If I could, I would have killed him on the spot. My eyes were still glued on his figure as he walked away.

“Oh, Daphne. Let him be…” said Hange patting on my shoulder “I know he may come off as a grumpy and cold man in front of people, but he’s actually nice… in his own way…”

“Yeah, I know. I do know. But he should loosen up a bit sometimes and drop that icy attitude he always pulls off… He gets on my nerves”

“Maybe, you could help him... smooth his edges. You know, you two are more similar than you believe… you should try to talk to him” suggested Hange.

“I don’t think he would appreciate any intrusion, let alone mine” I declared.

“There's no harm in trying, right? You may end up discovering something fascinating…”

I sighed “I’ll think about it… Anyway, thanks for asking me to join you. It was…interesting, for sure” 

“Oh, don’t mention it, it was my pleasure!” said Hange smiling “I thought you could have helped me and it turned out I was right! You handled Lauda very well, thank you very much”

I smiled at her and greeted her goodbye. _Besides her insanity, Hange seems a nice person._

On my way to my room, Hange’s words echoed in my mind “ _You two are more similar than you believe…_ ”. It reminded me of that night on the roof, when Levi told me something analogous “ _our stories are pretty similar actually…_ ”

_Why? Why do they think so? What do they know about me?_

My noisy thoughts played on the beat of my heavy steps long the corridors. _Are we similar?_ Lost in my mind, I didn’t realize I’d reached the cafeteria where a lonely Levi was.

His face was aiming out of a large window above a burner, where a small pot was warming up.

I stopped and stared for a moment. _I think I’ve never seen Levi like this before._

His arms were crossed over his chest and his back was flexed so that I could see his muscles through his jacket. His figure was slender and yet sometimes you could spot a well-built musculature.

Memories of his toned arms, sweaty and flexed over my head, fleshed in my mind. As I attempted to wash those images away, I heard a voice “See something you like?”.

“Yeah, the pot. I was about to make one too” I replied getting closer to him.

He turned around sensing me coming. His eyes looked tired. One could have said even sad. _What was he thinking about? Did I bother him?_

He was staring at me, still silent, so I decided to speak up again “I won’t disturb you much, just the time to prepare-“

“You can use this water if you want to, I can make another one later…”

“No, it’s fine, really”

“I insist” he said eyeing me over his shoulder and then he looked again out of the window.

“Are you trying to apologize for what happened out there, captain?” I suggested.

“Absolutely not. I’m not sorry for any of my actions” he replied confidently.

“Well, sir, I must inform you that you actually should be sorry”

“Since when do you think you’re allowed to give me orders?”

“I’m not giving you orders. I’m just saying you should have been a little more delicate with Lauda”

“And do you think I care?” he said impassively.

“I know you care about us cadets” I suddenly tensed. _Did I just say us cadets?_ _Us?_ He tensed too.

“She was having a hard time, being all day in front of those creatures, doing who knows what under Hange’s orders. She panicked…” I continued.

“I must inform you that there’s no room for weakness here. This is not a place for the wusses” he said and then turned his gaze again out of the window.

“Is that so? Do you really believe what you’ve just said?”

He suddenly turned again to face me, his forehead frowned.

“You may be humanity’s strongest, but we are humans. We have weaknesses. That’s what makes a person stronger. A fighter. Learning how to control them, even win them, makes us better” I declared “Back in the underground, I was capable to kill ten men in one night without a single sign of regret or fear or whatever on my face and then go back home all alone and have the scariest panic attack. Or suddenly get extremely anxious at the marketplace just thinking that someone could have recognized Daphne the criminal… or the slut. I was evenly ashamed of my past and present life, not that I had other choices down there…” I sighed “My point is: try next time to be more indulgent with your subordinates… Try to loosen up a bit…”

Levi was silently following me all along. So, I looked at his cup with a little tea-bag inside and continued “For example, what is that?”

“Tea” He spat.

“Tea. That’s no good at this hour of the day. Theine is a strong stimulant-“

“I don’t recall asking you for advice”

I clenched my jaw. _This man is so difficult._ I sighed soundly “Why don’t you try this…” I handed him a tiny bag that I was keeping inside my jacket.

“Do you mind explain what is this? Are you trying to drug me?”

I rolled my eyes. _This man…_ “I would never. However, this is a blend of mine-“

“I knew it was a drug” he said annoyed.

“Oh c’mon, cut it out!” I screamed exasperated. His eyes widen. I coughed “T-this will help you sleep, give it a try…”

“Can I at least know what it contains?”

“Mainly camomile… the rest is a secret”

“Camomile…” repeated Levi, as if to look in his memory for that flower, tiny and helpless, seen by chance once in a field, maybe during one of his first missions.

“And where did you learn all of these sorceries you’re doing lately?” he added.

“Miss Martha… Most of the girls in the brothel used to have problems sleeping, some of them even suffered from night terrors. Miss Martha taught me how to make it so I could help them out a little. At least at night… She taught me all these _sorceries_. Unfortunately, she taught me everything I know”

“Is she a relative of yours?” he asked.

“No. She was my master’s wife”

Levi seemed to be intrigued by that answer, so he investigated more: “Was she important to you?”

“I guess you could say that …” I replied.

He tilted his head, like he wanted to know more. I gave it a try and I opened up a little with him: “Martha was the one who took me and my sister Abigail from that sort of orphanage, well, more from the streets. We used to help her in the kitchen or with the housekeeping and once we were both barely teenagers her husband forced us to prostitute ourselves…” I paused.

I noticed he was following my story carefully, so I continued “I think I’ll never know which side she was or still is on. His accomplice or his greatest enemy. She took good care of us all, teaching us all about life, and at the same time she was merciless. Both manners and words. _Life is a bitch, babygirl_ she used to tell me _and so I am…_ However, she was the one who made me escape, so I owe her at least that one”

“Is that complicated to escape from there?” asked Levi.

“It depends. It can be even impossible. Not for me as you can see. But overall, complicated” I replied.

“Why so?”

“It’s a long story…”

“Tell me this long story” he said.

I didn’t make him repeat it again and I started to say: “My master is-… was a very powerful man, even if one wouldn’t say from his appearance. He looks like trash. Really. Rumor has it some aristocrat from the surface protects him. On top of that, he has a lot of men around the whorehouse and all over the underground to prevent someone escapes”

“And you? What makes you so special?”

“Nothing really… I used to train with his men since I was sixteen. Martha allowed me to. She thought that it would be useful to have someone able to fight among the girls…” I paused “Actually, I was freed because I killed some people for her…. and once finished the job, she told me _If you leave now, don’t ever come back or try any funny business making your sisters escape, I’ll haunt you down with every man I have_. I then discovered that those people she made killed were some business of her and her husband would have never had to know about it. So I was better off dead…”

“You could think of something to make them run away and hide them somewhere…”

 _Yeah, that was the plan, bighead._ “As I told you before, it’s not that simple. They would have found us. They do have a lot of men. All over the underground. And that’s not all… gaining a pass for the surface gets more expensive with the time. We could have hidden for a while... but all we really wanted was to get out of there”

“I see… So your sisters are still there? You called them sisters, right?” he asked.

“Yeah… I’ve always called them sisters, but, as far as I know, only Abigail and I are blood-related…”

“What about her? You could at least save her” He probably said those words regardless of what that could have meant to me, but at that exact moment I felt my blood boiling.

“You know what? Why do you even care?! That’s none of your business” I shouted furiously. _I regret opening up with him_.

“It is. Now tell me” he declared.

I started walking in a circle, impatiently, and then I stopped right in front of the window, pondering my answer “I-it’s… a long story and my water is ready…”

“Again with this long story… We still have time to talk while you drink your drug, ehm sorry, your _blend_ ” he said, a bit sarcastically.

I crossed my arms and mumbled: “Whatever”. Therefore, I attempted to get the water but he anticipated me, grabbed a cup and then said “Leave it to me, you talk”.

I snorted. “It’s complicated… One could say that Abigail and I are like chalk and cheese, in every aspect. She’s always bubbly and smiley. She has the features of an angel. Her eyes have the same color as the honey and her hair’s always shiny…” He handed me the cup “Careful it’s hot, you better wait…” he said. I looked at him and slightly bowed to thank him.

“So? Go on” He said crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the kitchen counter. I noticed he was still holding in his hand the tiny bag I had handed him before.

“Yeah, ehm… Well, because of her _angelic_ appearance and sweet manners, she soon became our master’s favorite. He treated her like his own treasure and he feared that soon or later I would have taken her away from him. He tried his best to tear us apart. He manipulated her until she was his personal puppy…”

I stopped there. My words were trapped in my throat… Even Levi seemed upset by that story. I swallowed that sudden sorrow and I kept going.

“Even Martha helped him control her. Abigail has always been so naïve… it was pretty easy to manipulate her. They told her stories about me and her…”

“Like?” he interrupted me, full of curiosity. Although it hurt me to talk about that, I was glad he was there to listen. That was the first time I’d ever told my story to someone and...I was glad Levi was the first.

“Like our names…” I said annoyed. He tilted his head in confusion.

“Martha used to entertain us with stories of all kinds, especially at night or during the housekeeping to keep us distracted. Abigail’s favorite was the one about our names. Martha used to say that everyone’s name has a meaning, a powerful meaning, that can even predict our future…”

“Bullshit. I believe that everyone is in charge of their future. I don’t believe in destiny” suddenly affirmed Levi.

“Yeah, I agree with you… But Abi always hung from her lips”

“Well, what about your names?” he asked.

“Story goes that Abigail was a famous servant, born to serve and bring joy wherever she’d go. I don’t remember well the whole fairytale. Long story short, she saved her husband from sure death by giving everything she had and then she was blessed for her sacrifice…”

“Oh, you don’t say… So quick-witted. And what about you?” _Why so curious Levi?_

“Fun fact, Daphne was a magic creature loved by a powerful god, who wanted to posses her, maybe even rape her, who knows... She didn’t want to lose her freedom but the god didn't agree with that. She started running away from him and during the chase she desperately asked mother earth to help her, to spare her. Therefore, she was transformed into a laurel tree while running. Her persecutor was devasted and because of his devotion to her he decided to honor her making that plant his favorite and gifting heroes and winners with a laurel wreath”

“Pretty intense. So, you are the one who runs away and she is the one who stays and serves. Makes totally sense. So that’s what she believes…”

“Yep… So well-planned that I even assumed they gave us those names on purpose. I don’t remember much about my life before the brothel, so that could make sense. Not that my name matters much to me…” I confessed.

“Fair enough….” he said.

“Moreover, about Abigail... when I told her about my pact with Martha, she told me _us all or no one_ and told me to not come back until I found a way to save us all, otherwise she would have been content with being with the master…”

“Maybe she is so afraid of that scum that she wouldn’t risk escaping if she wasn’t sure of the outcome…” he considered.

“I don’t really know, probably you’re right… That night we had a terrible fight. I constantly think about that day… I still feel so guilty… However, since then, I've been watching her from a distance just to check if she was alright, sometimes send her stuff, but nothing more. Recently I’ve been having some strange dreams about her…”

“Your blend is getting cold” he interrupted me.

“What?” I asked, caught off guard. He pointed the cup.

“Oh yeah, sorry…” I said and then I took a long sip.

“Anyway, you’re on the surface now. One day you’ll find a way to help her. Don’t get too obsessed over being free or not. Maybe she feels free there, maybe your idea of freedom is different from hers. And once you’ll face again the titans, you’ll even reconsider what you believed freedom is” said Levi boldly.

I didn’t know what to say. I looked at him trying to digest his words. Then he spoke again “In this world, you better find your own freedom. As you will see, being on the surface doesn’t mean much. Be free in your own way”

“What about you? Do you feel free?”

“I still don’t know…” he replied. _Did I make him uncomfortable with that sudden question?_

“However, thanks for your advice… I’ll think about it” I said bowing my head “And thanks for listening to me… even though I don’t understand why you care about it…”

“I just do” He said straight away. I eyed him trying to make him say something more. _Always so secretive, Levi._

“One day I’ll tell you my story. I promise” he paused and looked intensely at me, getting away from the counter “Now go to sleep…” he said and started to walk away.

“Goodnight, _Levi_ ” I said.

He stopped for a moment, in the middle of the kitchen, and without looking at me he said “Goodnight, _Daphne_ ” and left.

LEVI’S POV

_Levi. Goodnight, Levi. As if her calling me captain wasn’t already confusing…_

Once in my room, I placed the tiny bag that she gave me on my desk. I took a few steps back and then I looked at it again.

 _What am I doing?_ I thought, _It’s not a grenade_. Sighing I took it again in my hand. I massaged it gently between my fingers and, almost as if I had to take some courage, I inhaled intensely, as much as I could.

 _What is this? This scent…_ And as I was thinking about it, I almost dozed off, still holding that bag in my hands. That night I slept like never before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Martha's fairytales about their names are actually real. The Abigail's one comes from the Bible. Daphne's story is the myth of Apollo and Daphne, here's a link for that: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_and_Daphne . You should also check the amazing sculture by Bernini, in Galleria Borghese (Rome, Italy), called "Apollo e Dafne". Bye!


	7. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be a little shorter than the others, but I hope it will entertain you anyway... (¬‿¬)  
> *cough cough*  
> I said what I said.  
> Let me know in the comments how you feel about this one, I'm curious...
> 
> Warning: mention of death.
> 
> Songs: "Hello My Old Heart" by The Oh Hellos, "Broken Bones" by KALEO, "Streets" by Doja Cat.

**HOMECOMING**

****

LEVI’S POV

_I couldn’t figure out where I was._

_I was surrounded by the green hills and a boundless land loomed all around me. Nevertheless, I kept walking in the meadow, without a precise goal. I thought it was a farm. There was a light breeze caressing my skin and the sun was high in the sky._

_All of a sudden, I heard a voice. “Levi, my sweet Levi”_

_“Mom?... Mom… Is that you?”_

_When I saw her, she was already running towards me with her arms outstretched and her hair swaying in the air. I hugged her tightly, lifting her from the ground and I felt my body naturally responding to hers like I remembered every inch of her._

_“Mom…” I whispered burring my face in her hair, placing my chin on her shoulder. For a moment a sweet feeling of peace made me feel light. I felt at home._

_“My sweet little angel,” she said. I believed I’d forgotten that sound, lost somewhere in my mind… But no, deep down inside of me, I knew it was her._

_“Mom…” I inhaled her scent as we stayed like that, embraced. After a while she moved away a little and, staring intensely at me, she started caressing my face and hair._

_Her glassy eyes looked all over my face, observing my features, my contours._

_Her lips twitched as she tried to say something. I rested my head on her hands and took a breath of relief. I felt so in peace there, in her hands._

_Watching her carefully, she was actually different from my memories. Her face was full, her hair strengthened, her expression quiet. She seemed in good health._

_“I see you are in shape. I know you’re a soldier now” she said “Look at you, all grown up, Levi…”_

_“Mom…” I kept babbling._

_“We don’t have much time, Levi. I have something to tell you…Listen to me… Don’t be afraid”_

_“Mom, what are you talking about? I’m not afraid”_

_“Oh, Levi… Yes, you are… Let yourself go, fearlessly…”_

_“Mom?”_

_“Don’t be afraid, Levi” As she repeated my name, the sound of her voice changed, altered, and got lower, warmer, younger. Whose voice was that?_

_“Don’t be afraid Levi”_

_Her face started to blur “Mom, what’s happening?” Her features faded away until I couldn’t recognize her anymore. Now someone else was in front of me and that’s when I saw her “Daphne? Is it you?” I asked._ _“Don’t be afraid, Levi” she said._

_A strange sensation flooded all over me. I was still overwhelmed with tranquility, still serene in those hands, even if they were Daphne’s. My mother’s face seemed to appear again and I was more confused than ever. I shook my head and she disappeared again, suddenly replaced by a blurred image and then definitely by Daphne’s features. I attempted to touch her face, trying to stop her from switching. Their voices overlapped “Don’t be afraid, Levi”_

_I finally managed to grab her cheek and her face stopped. Daphne was now in front of me. She was wearing a long, white and plain dress, something like a tunic._

_“C’mon Levi, they’re waiting for us…” she said taking my hand in hers._

_I didn’t protest and simply asked “Where are we, Daphne?”_

_“Stop it with these silly questions and follow me, Levi”_

_We started running across the lawn, towards what seemed to be a big farmhouse. She repeatedly turned to look at me, smiling and gesturing me to hurry up. Her smile shined brighter than the sun behind her figure. She looked happy and I was at peace._

All of a sudden, the loud noise of the military alarm violently woke me up. _What was that dream_? As I washed my face in the sink, I tried to rewrite my dreams and rebuild all the pieces of those blurred memories I had.

_My mom. Daphne. A farm. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?_ I had never felt so confused and rested at the same time. After all, sleeping was not so bad.

_Fuck, I am late._

I went down to the cafeteria where I found Hange and Daphne animatedly chatting.

“Morning sunshine!” shouted Hange at me. _Here we go again_.

“Good morning, captain” calmly said Daphne, handing me a warm cup of tea and then sliding on the table a small plate with some biscuits. A faint smile appeared on her face and I politely nodded in response.

“Did you sleep well, captain?” she then added. I knew she was referring to our last encounter. _If only she knew what happened in my dreams…_

“It’s true, Levi, you’re glowing today!” Hange stooged her.

I gave both of them a dirty look and then, burring my face in the cup, I said “Yes, thank you, I slept well”. _If you only knew…_

While I was drinking my tea, I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe what happened the night before could have been the start of something. We could have been friends, or at least not jump at each other’s throats at any time. We could have tried. And yet I still couldn’t figure out what that dream meant, and between one cookie and another the images buzzed in my head, to the point that I could no longer stay at the table.

As soon as I was done, I tried to leave, but my attention was caught by their conversation. Hange was trying to convince her to participate in another of her goddamned experiments with the titans. Therefore, I spoke. "Daphne serves me today," I said, grabbing her by the shoulder, urging her to stand up with me, "I’m sorry, four-eyes, next time”.

“Ooooh c’mon Levi, didn’t they teach you the noble art of sharing?” protested Hange.

I didn’t even bother to answer her, while Daphne and I were rushing off. She turned to Hange a couple of times as if to apologize, and I pulled her out of the cafeteria by the arm.

“Thanks for the rescue, Captain” she said smiling.

_What is it now? First, she calls me Levi, then captain again?_

“There’s no need to call me Captain when we are alone. You can call me Levi” I extended her an olive branch “But not in front of the other brats. They’d get carried away” I corrected myself.

“Ehm… Ok, thanks… I’ll see what I can do about it… So, what do you need me for… _Levi_?”

“What?” I asked her.

I had lost track of our previous conversation as I contemplated her face asking me: “You said before you needed me today”

“Ehm…Yeah. Sure. That” I pulled myself back together “So… today we’ll train with the 3D maneuver gears. Since you’re already pretty skilled with that, you’ll help me with the brats. And after that, you’ll put them away where we usually keep them”

“Oh, great. I’m looking forward to it!” she said enthusiastically.

“I see you’re in a good mood today” I told her.

“Actually, I am in a good mood…” she replied, shyly.

The training went smoothly. Except for some of them. Hopeless cases.

Daphne helped me throughout the whole session. She even showed some tricks to the other cadets. I noticed she had a peculiar way to move her blades. She rotated the blade’s grip with only one or two fingers, never losing control of it. _Fascinating. Rather fascinating._

When I was on my way out, I walked up to Daphne and I said, "Gather all the devices and bring them down. It’ll take you a while. When you’re done, meet me for lunch”

She nodded, mimicking a military salute. I almost laughed.

In the meantime, I went to do some paperwork for Erwin and after I headed down to the cafeteria. Later, Daphne joined us and we all started to eat.

At one point burst into the room Hange. She threw herself into our table, crying and breathing heavily. Daphne promptly asked her, "Hange, what’s going on??"

"Sonny and Bean" she kept babbling, "Sonny and Bean... somebody killed them... somebody killed them..."

We were all shocked by that news. _How was it possible? No one could have killed them without the three-dimensional maneuvering devices_ …

Erwin rapidly commanded everyone to not move from the cafeteria and ordered his team to patrol the castle.

I turned to Daphne, who was trying to comfort Hange, and I asked "Did you see anything odd after putting the devices back?"

She shook her head "No. I recounted them several times to be sure. They were all there. And when I came back upstairs, there was no one around the hallways. They must have taken one of them while I was already here…".

I trusted her.

"All right…” I sighed deeply “Hange, you can go to your room and calm down. Daphne, if you want, go with her. I’ll join Erwin in the research...".

We had already combed half the castle and actually a couple of gears were missing, but there wasn’t a shred of evidence of what happened.

Soon after I met Hange, alone.

"Weren’t you with Daphne?" I asked her. "I was about to ask you the same thing… When I calmed down, she told me she’d come looking for you, to help-"

It took me a second to understand. _You fucked up big time, girl._

I don’t know how, but my instinct told exactly where I would have found her. I took my device with me and went quickly down to the basement.

 _Please tell me you didn’t. Please tell me it wasn’t you_ , I kept saying in my mind.

Once there, I found a hatch on the ground half opened and, unfortunately, I realized that I was right. _You fucked up big time, Dafne. You fucked up._

I still remembered vividly that time when I rescued her down there and after a while, I heard the noise of a device, her device. _There you are_.

“So, you decided to get yourself killed today” I said, catching her off guard.

She was about to jump off a manhole after she supposedly had broken its sides to make it wider.

"Levi..." she said, backing away from the hole and then standing up “Levi, wait…” she continued. She looked frightened. _You better be_.

"You know, I must admit I fell for it, lock, stock and barrel. I believed you… I wanted to believe you. And then... And then you decided to make this huge mistake right under my nose…"

"Levi, it’s not what it looks like..." she began to say.

“So tell what it looks like, Daphne? Tell me!” I yelled at her, almost growling.

"I did not kill Hange’s titans! I swear! I would never do that to her, you have to believe me..." she shouted, close to tears.

"Really? And you think I’ll buy it now?"

"Levi, I beg you. I’m telling the truth. I just took advantage of the situation to run away, but it wasn’t me! I’m just trying to get back to the Underground... I just want to see my sister again... just for a second...I beg you Levi…" she cried.

_Were you really about to leave? Like this?_

"While everyone’s looking for the responsible, looking for who stole the device and killed the titans, you thought it was a clever choice to run away. To steal a gear to escape down here? Have you lost your mind?" I ranted as I approached her, through the filth of the slums.

"I didn’t steal anything! This device is mine!" she yelled at me "I earned it! I didn’t steal it from anyone!" she kept shouting.

"This device? The device you earned by putting out to half the Underground? You mean that device?"

I didn’t mean it that way, but I was too angry with her to think straight.

She suddenly attacked me, driven by an uncontrollable rage. She got bloodshot eyes and she was grinding her teeth, in a rage. Not making a special effort, I only parried her punches.

Once she noticed I didn’t resist, she eyed me, confused by my reaction. Therefore, she stepped backward and fell down the hole, never looking away from me. And I didn’t stop her.

I felt again that strong frustration growing inside of me. _I don’t know what to do. I never know how to act around her. What should I do now?_

I sat there for a while, contemplating the underground from the hole. Its pungent smell came up to my nostrils and brought back to me some memories I thought lost.

_You don’t even understand what you’ve just done to me, Daphne. I can’t sit here and do nothing. I have to go find her. Now. Before she gets in trouble._

Fortunately, I hadn’t lost sight of her and following her, I made my way over the roofs of the capital, thanks to the gear.

She went down the street, covering herself with the cape she was already wearing before. _I guess she doesn’t want to catch anybody’s attention._

So as soon as I touched the ground, I walked around to steal a cape and hide my device and uniform. Luckily, I found a small market stall where, after threatening the owner, I got a pretty big one.

At one point I saw her entering a small road on the left, so I hurried to reach her before I lost sight of her. _Where is she now?_

Around the corner, I felt a knife at my throat. "Where do you think you’re going?" That was her.

DAPHNE’S POV

"Where do you think you’re going?" I threatened him pointing a knife on his throat.

As usual, Levi remained calm, even if I had definitely caught him off guard.

"I’m coming with you," he said.

"Forget it" I told him and then got back on my track "You’re just gonna get in my way, so get the hell out of here."

"Say whatever you want. I’ll follow you anyway" he stated.

I turned around and said "Look, Levi, everybody around here knows who I am, so..."

"Then, we will keep a low profile..." he interrupted me, looking at me with a serious expression painted on his face.

“What do you think you’re doing, uh? First, you called me a whore and then-“

“I never said that” he interrupted me.

“Tomayto tomahto” I mumbled as I started to walk away, leaving him back.

He followed me, so I turned back again “Stop following me”

“No” He only said. I rolled my eyes and walked away again. "Then hurry the fuck up" I commanded.

He didn’t complain much, but after a few steps, he told me "But I’m warning you, as soon as we’re done here, I’ll bring you back up to the castle and this is not up for discussion”.

“Whatever..." I replied.

However, we were already close to the brothel. Therefore, I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up a ladder, from which we would have had a better view of the building. We put ourselves on the last step. It was rather small for both of us to sit straight and he was literally breathing down my neck. But neither of us seemed to mind it.

"See? Over there. That big mansion. My sisters are there" I said.

"Why such a big place? How many of you are there?" he asked.

"Do you mean my sisters? When I was still there, there were eight of us: me, Abigail, Nina, Ruth, Saejin, Tabitha, Eve and Chadia. Chadia was very old and had a few affectionate clients. She died the year before I left. There are Miss Martha and the Master. His minions, about a dozen, the stableman and many other patrons. On the ground floor, there are two betting rooms. I can’t tell you how many people usually hang out there, but not a few, especially at night. Looking at it now, I’d say there are even more than I remember..."

He nodded, analyzing the building "Yes, I already see a dozen only through the windows, four at the entrance, two in front of the gate...What were you thinking, uh? Let’s ring the bell and say hello to everyone, perhaps?"

I twisted around to confront him. _How dare you…_

Turning my face, I realized how close we were. Our eyes locked under the hoods and for a moment I forgot what I wanted to say. I swallowed as I couldn’t take my eyes off his. _I hate the way he makes me feel_.

“So?” he asked me, bringing me back down to earth.

"There is a passage..." I coughed " There’s a passage I know that’s gonna take us to the back of the brothel. If we’re lucky, we might not find a lot of surveillance and be able to get upstairs”.

He nodded and once back on the road we descended into a small and old aqueduct and finally we arrived right where I wanted. We hid behind a fence covered with weeds to inspect the building.

"Great. It’s packed with these pricks. Lucky us” he commented sarcastically.

"Shut up or we’ll get caught” I whispered at him.

"Look, I see someone coming outside..." he told me turning my chin in the direction of the building. At the back door appeared two men carrying a body, a dead body, and throwing it to the ground, next to the trash.

I froze up. _That’s not possible_ , I thought _. Ruth_.

They had thrown that body in the trash, as if it were garbage.

I would have recognized her among a thousand. It was Ruth. _My poor little Ruth_.

Her ebony skin was covered with pustules and various wounds, her little face was swollen. But I knew it was her. Her figure, her clothes, her hairstyle. It was her. _Ruth_.

For a moment I felt myself fainting. My head was spinning and my heart was pounding, crushing against my ribcage. "Ruth... Ruth..." I babbled.

Then suddenly, blinded by the pain, I shouted her name, crying desperately.

Apparently, someone heard me and those two men turned in our direction. I suddenly felt Levi picking me up and taking me away from the fence.

"No, Ruth... How dare they… How… Ruth…" I kept talking incoherently, screaming and wriggling in Levi’s arms.

I couldn’t even properly walk, Levi had to carry me away. I was panting and shaking. I couldn’t see straight. The images of Ruth’s body thrown out of the door repeated in my mind nonstop. I was only able to whisper her name or “Levi, Levi…” as he continued to carry me away from there.

“I’m not sure but I think they are following us now… Please, Daphne, move” he said still holding me tight under his arm.

“I-I can’t…” I managed to stutter. I felt like everything around me was spinning and I couldn’t regain my composure. Luckily, Levi was supporting me all the way.

“Ok. Now, they are definitely following us and I have bad news for you. They have the 3d maneuver gear too. We can’t afford to pick a fight here. We need to change our route and find a quiet place to use our devices without being seen… C’mon Daphne, you can do it” Levi said.

I was still shaking as Levi suddenly turned right. He had practically lifted my whole body from the ground and as soon as we got there, he gently put me back down.

“C’mon I think we made it…” he whispered.

But at some point, a pair of men came out from an alley and we had to rush and change our route again. We ran away from them, hiding between the flock of people and we made it again in another deserted lane.

“Play along, I think I have a plan” announced Levi.

After getting into another street, Levi suddenly pushed me against the wall. He put his forearm over my head, hooding my figure under his coat. I still couldn’t stop panting.

“Levi… Levi” I continued babbling.

“Shh, be quiet, they are coming” he whispered getting closer to me.

“Levi… Ruth is dead, t-that was her body… and she-” I stuttered, still shaking.

“I know, but please Daphne, calm down, calm down…” he said placing his forehead on mine “Shh… they are coming” he kept saying.

“Levi… Levi…I-I…Ruth...” I stuttered.

I was trying to pull myself back together, but everything seemed to blur. I couldn’t slow down my breath and all I could feel was a deep pain in my chest. I put a hand on my heart and I whispered again “Levi…”

“Please, shh…” he hushed me again.

I felt one of his hands hooking mine on my chest, he looked into my eyes intensely and all of a sudden, his lips found mine.

My heart was pounding so fast in my chest I could only focus on how soft he felt against my mouth. He was gently pressing his lips on mine, but as soon as I squeezed harder his hand, he inhaled soundly and let a warm breath out of his nostrils. He immediately pulled me in and now we were glued to one another.

It felt so addictive I couldn’t allow that moment to end.

As soon as I felt him slightly moving away, with my free hand I grabbed his coat and crushed my lips against his, again and again. He didn’t protest and rather lowered his forearm, sliding his hand under my hood, running his fingers through my hair. I felt my knees getting weaker as he parted his lips allowing my tongue to slip inside his mouth.

Nothing else existed, all my senses were absorbed by how intoxicating he tasted.

My hands found his chest and then his neck, so I pushed him even closer to me. I was kissing him like my life depended on it.

A suffocated moan slipped out of my mouth as I felt again his hot breath and he almost lost it. I suddenly became aware of how aggressively he was responding. It felt like he wanted it so badly. As much as I wanted it too. So, I let myself go, completely, and the air got thicker. I felt my cheeks flushing, I was out of breath. None of us dared to break off that kiss. When his hands found my waist, I felt lightheaded. His touch was so gentle while his lips were hungry, possessive, consuming.

All of a sudden, he stopped and pressed his forehead on mine. We eyed each other, both out of breath. Our lips were swollen and our cheeks red. I didn’t know what to do or say.

Levi swallowed noisily and then whispered, still pressed against me “I think they’re gone. We have to head back now…”.


	8. Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a huuuge mental breakdown, a few days ago, I published this chapter in Italian. It was midnight, it had been a very bad day for me and I felt like I needed to write it in the easiest way possible, to really vent and let myself go. So, here you go with the English translation. I must admit it was harder than I expected but I made it ahahah 
> 
> It’s a stressful time for me, especially because of college, and writing this story is a very effective way of distracting me and shutting any worries out of my head, even just for a while.
> 
> There will be a brief introduction of two important characters for the story: Ruth and Nina. 
> 
> To clarify once more: Daphne is just my OC, you can insert yourself as her if you want to.
> 
> I didn’t have much time to think about some songs to recommend, but I can tell you that I didn’t stop listening to Dirk Maassen’s "Addio" while writing the chapter. It’s a masterpiece, you should definitely listen to it at least once in your lifetime. 
> 
> Forgive me for this long-ass intro… Sending you all my love, see you next time.

**BRUISES**

DAPHNE’S POV

“I think they’re gone. We have to head back now…” Levi suddenly said.

Our bodies were still glued one to the other, so close that their borders were blurred, so close that I could no longer tell where one started and the other ended. Our foreheads connected and our breaths, still unsteady, mingled in the small space they were granted between us.

As soon as I heard him say those words, I felt like landing from an unknown planet, regaining possession of my body and almost being able to sense again every inch of my skin, and Levi’s against mine.

_"I think they’re gone. We have to head back now…”_ I repeated those words again, in my head, trying to isolate them one by one and assimilate them. And yet they were inconsistent, they made no sense at all.

I believed I could read them again, written all over my face, which was reflected in Levi’s eyes, right there in front of mine. Everything around me regained its weight, its smell and its sound: the racket of the people a few streets away, the pungent smell of the Underground, that kiss just to distract our chasers and the body of Ruth thrown into the trash.

Again, I felt my heart running wildly in my chest and furiously slamming against my ribcage, the sound of my thoughts going crazy on both sides of my head and breaking against its walls, my legs getting weaker.

Levi seemed to notice it and he told me, grabbing me by the shoulders "Hold on to me, I’ll bring you back up". I barely protested with my head, but at that moment it seemed impossible for me to do anything else.

I hated being so weak sometimes. I hated always being at the mercy of my emotions. At that moment I actually hated everything and I felt like I was going completely insane.

"Come on," said Levi, then he looked around, he wrapped me around my waist and activated the three-dimensional maneuvering device with his other hand. I held on to him, closed my eyes and let him do whatever he wanted.

I couldn’t stop formulating rambling thoughts and a strong sense of frustration seeped through my skin, down to my bones. If I’d opened my eyes at that moment, I wouldn’t have been able to stop the tears.

As soon as we reached the manhole and the ground, I escaped from Levi’s grip, pushing him away. I felt like I was close to losing control of myself.

I began to walk in the darkness of that old abandoned canal, looking for the trapdoor and, inadvertently, I opened my eyes. A warm flow of tears completely wet my face, I felt like overflowing and I could no longer tell if I was blinded from the darkness or pain.

"Daphne, wait..." tried to call me Levi and as soon as his hand touched my arm to stop me, I dodged it with unexpected violence. I could hear his footsteps right behind me and his voice slowly trying to call my name again.

I struggled in the dark, trembling and holding my chest tightly with my hands to block a strong urge to burst, until I realized I was under the trapdoor. I stopped, undecided about what to do: it was too high to reach. Suddenly I felt again Levi behind me, who forcefully blocked both my shoulders. He didn’t say anything, he just squeezed me tight and reactivated the device.

When we arrived in the basement, I moved immediately away from him again. I plodded along, despite a little light had returned and I could finally see again. My legs didn’t seem to cooperate, and even keeping my eyes open had become torture.

Levi’s steps religiously followed mine up the stairs: at that moment his figure behind me felt like something suffocating yet reassuring.

I could not fully realize what surrounded me, I kept walking on the memories of someone else, probably a soldier of the Scouts who I must have been once, a few hours before, someone who knew those corridors and where her room was.

But one thing was sure, I wasn’t alone. Levi was walking a few steps away from me like he didn’t want me to intrude on that pitiful funeral march. On the other hand, around us there was an endless and messy row of curious cadets, intent on discovering what had happened. It felt like a deja-vu. Nevertheless, I proceeded, like I was sent to the gallows.

Their eyes focused on me had no weight, as if they couldn’t reach me and a bubble protected me from their every whisper or look.

Without even realizing it, I was already in front of my room. When I crawled just a few centimeters from the entrance, I felt again Levi’s body dangerously close to mine.

Both his fists moved forward and stopped on the doorjambs. Then his face leaned close to my ear and so Levi said, almost whispering: "Please, Dafne, say something".

Unable to spell a word and still trembling, I gripped the handle of my door.

"Say something, anything" he continued.

"No..." I whispered so softly that I couldn’t even hear myself.

"Daphne, I know you’re in shock but..." he tried to say grabbing me by the shoulder to make me turn around.

Helpless, I let him play with me as if I were a puppet and as soon as our eyes met his expression instantly changed. My face completely marked by tears must have somehow struck him to the point where he wasn’t even able to finish his sentence. He swallowed soundly and kept staring at me.

I felt my eyelids heavy and my face sore. I faintly opened my jaw and after a couple of attempts I managed to stutter: "Alone... I want to be alone"

"No, Daphne, listen," he tried to say.

"Leave me. Alone." As I articulated those three simple words, I felt my throat burning and its walls cracking trying to let out that feeble thread of voice. At that point, I couldn’t hold back any more tears.

I quickly opened the door and then slammed it. I left Levi out and as I let myself fall to the ground with my shoulders glued to the wall, I pictured his reaction.

There was nothing more to hide, it was just me in that room, which at that point seemed really someone else’s, a stranger, a good soldier, definitely not me. I had left my sisters in those monsters’ hands, with that flimsy promise to come back, to come back and save them.

_Who am I kidding?_ I had no plan and any attempt was constantly boycotted by something or someone, by Marta, by the master, by the aristocrats, by money, from time, from fate, from that stupid fate written in someone's name. Supposedly my destiny was not to turn into a fucking tree, but to continue to flee aimlessly, chased by something, that was breathing down my neck.

There, on the ground, with my head in my hands, I let myself go to an uncontrolled, desperate and humid cry. I felt my back arch unnaturally at every hiccup and the tears dropped down on my clothes, on the carpet, everywhere.

I tried to calm down thinking rationally about what to do next: going back to the Underground now would be suicide, I didn’t know what was happening. On the other hand, staying still seemed to be equally impossible. Every good plan, every little thought was promptly overshadowed by that image that would have never stopped haunting me. Ruth’s dead body and the memory of her loud laughter, of her abrupt manners, of her quick comebacks, the memory of her alive. Those images seemed to not match that horrid show I had saw down there. And yet I was sure that was her.

Ruth was around the same age as my sister Abigail and growing up they became quite inseparable, despite their differences. Ruth had always had a bad temper and Abigail’s candor often hurt her to the point of inadvertently pissing her off. But Abigail had always been far too lenient and good, and she always managed to be immediately forgiven.

Ruth was sly, stubborn, one would say far too unreasonable sometimes, but she would have fought tooth and nail because of something she firmly believed in. She had even managed to fool Marta and gain some advantages, like working in the betting rooms rather than always work as a prostitute.

She had an eye for cards and bets and was extremely good at putting in place any rude customer, despite her small figure.

My chest squeezed at the thought of what might have happened to her. _Knowing her pretty well, she could very well have asked for it... but how to justify those pustules all over her body? What if it was the master? What if other girls ended up in the same condition as her? What if there’s a plague going on?_

I felt overwhelmed by all those thoughts and just mentioning the others, Nina’s face immediately appeared in front of my eyes, still flooded with tears. _Nina...how is she doing_...I thought.

Ruth was a loose cannon who was hiding a secret, that one day would have surely cost her her life. Her clandestine and unclear relationship with Nina had always been well hidden mainly by the discretion and mysteriousness of Nina, much older and smarter than Ruth.

I always thought that Nina was one of the most fascinating, charming and sharp women I’ve ever met, and I always wondered how someone like her still couldn’t escape from there, and first of all how she even ended up in that rathole. Her only religion was money and what they could give her. In that world and within those walls very little actually, but that tiny feeling of power gave her an overwhelming and indescribable pleasure. And yet, her only love was Ruth and her big amber eyes.

It killed me that I couldn’t know what was going on and that I couldn’t do anything at all, so my anger suddenly seemed to reinvigorate my legs. I made my way into the room and everything that had accidentally found itself in my path was thrown away or completely disintegrated.

The tears kept marking my face, while every throw, every punch didn’t seem to make a big difference. The anger kept boiling inside me and at that point I had shouted so much that I had no more air in my lungs.

Once I was drained, I let myself fall to the ground again, in the middle of the room and so I decided to lie there, on the floor, surrounded by sheets, pieces of wood and broken shards.

A little wind suddenly seemed to warm my cheeks and I could not hold my hand from touching my lips. As soon as my fingers felt that flap of skin, I impulsively retracted them, as if it were not mine anymore, as it belonged to someone else. _Levi_.

There was another unfinished business: that kiss and his, and my unexpected reaction.

While I was trying to slow my heart rate, other memories of that moment suddenly resurfaced. It was definitely more than a moment and perhaps it was more than a plan. More than a kiss. At least for me.

From the first time I saw Captain Levi and felt his piercing eyes on me, I was completely mesmerized. Inexplicably, I had to admit it.

Growing up I had always rejected attraction in all its forms, as an evil illness that would lead to further weaknesses, such as love and a possible relationship. My spasmodic obsession with Abigail and my sisters already made me constantly insane, let alone let someone else enter that precarious balance of feelings. Luckily, no one had ever caught my attention, much less had I ever allowed a man to sneak into my head and enslave me to my futile and surely evanescent feelings.

I had learned with time to distinguish my work from personal pleasure, which I could get only from myself or from a client trying to isolate myself from that trivial form of entertainment. I had never judged my clients, I knew perfectly what they wanted and what they were desperately looking for, but for me that was just mere role-playing, that I put up to live and hope not to get killed by the master or by Marta in a tantrum.

I had trained my body and mind to navigate parallel tracks, my heart and my brain to never communicate. Yet Captain Levi seemed to have created a short circuit.

It was not his undoubtedly magnetic appearance that struck me, but his aura. Levi could walk and everyone around him would hopelessly be inclined to show him reverence, to show him respect and to comply with every order, despite his cold and unreadable ways, often severe and almost intolerable. He must have earned that kind of devotion, he must have been a good captain and this idea had often been clear to me, in his attentions and his words. I had this feeling that Levi wasn’t that impassive character he was playing. His speeches had always been full of wisdom, heartfelt and honest.

Those were the words of a soldier who must have been through a lot. When I found out he came from the underground too, I was even more intrigued and that mystery became more and more fascinating. And I was worried about myself it could have become far too tempting.

I found myself too often fantasizing unexpectedly, even if for a short time, about him. _What’s wrong with me?_

None of those feeble dreams could, however, compare with what I had experienced on my skin a few minutes before. Levi had once again shown this unpredictable mixture of warmth and impulsiveness, softness and lust. And I couldn’t shake that feeling off of me, which seemed to completely pervade me again, while I was still on the ground, unable to do anything else.

He had slipped so deeply under my skin that he completely clouded the memories of Ruth and my past. Even that kiss, however, had the bitter aftertaste of loving forbidden things and I immediately thought it would be better to forget about it as soon as possible. I had already enough on my plate.

It was just part of the plan, we managed to convince those two goons that we were just a couple of lovers looking for a quiet place. _"Play along,"_ he said, _"Play along,"_ and so I did.

That kiss meant nothing and should have meant nothing more than that.

LEVI’S POV

I clenched my teeth when the door closed in front of me. There wasn’t much else I could do at that point, and for a while I stood there, slightly leaning forward, while I tried to call her name again.

I kept telling myself that I shouldn’t have kissed her at a time like that and especially without her full consent. I thought it was the easiest thing to do and now I felt helpless at the possibility of having once again faded that dream of peace between us.

If on one hand I couldn’t go back on my steps, on the other I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss and that intoxicating taste that I couldn’t wash out of my mouth, and the memory of her soft skin under my fingers and that eager desire of her, more of her.

"Captain Levi" I suddenly heard coming from behind me.

Erwin had just shown up and his unmistakable voice kept calling me at least a couple more times. Then I finally turned to him.

"Could you tell me what’s going on?" he asked, "What’s happening inside Daphne’s room? What the hell is going on?"

Indistinguishable noises began to follow one another: thuds, shouts and something that sounded like a glass breaking on the ground. I was just about to open the door and break into her room, but I decided to grab Erwin by the arm and I dragged him to my room.

"Levi?" He once again asked me, "What happened to you two? Do you think this is the right time to leave?"

"We were in the Underground," I said without a second thought.

"Are you kidding me? The Underground? With our devices? While we were ransacking the whole castle for-..." then Erwin’s expression suddenly changed and he added, "Oh... now I get it"

"No, Erwin, it’s not what you think," I told him promptly.

"Levi, you know, I have complete faith in your decisions, so just know that whatever you choose to say to me now, I’m gonna take it as read. But don’t abuse my blind respect for you. Now tell me the truth."

"I’m sure it wasn’t Daphne who killed the titants."

"All right. I believe you. Now, what about the devices?"

"She took her device..." I instinctively replied.

"I see... and what did you go to the Underground for? Was she trying to escape?"

"Erwin, I’m sorry, but I can’t answer that."

His jaw tightened and we stared for a while. I didn’t regret any of my answers and I would never tell a soul what Daphne confided in me or what I saw down there with her.

"All right..." he sighed "Before I leave though" spoke again Erwin "I’d like to remind you that the 57th expedition is pretty close, Levi. I want you to stay focused. Don’t lose sight of the target. And get that girl in line, I want her to fight in the front row, by our side. Okay?"

I nodded in response. Erwin was absolutely right, that was not the time to get distracted...

"Well, then I’ll see you in the cafeteria for dinner..." and so he left.

Under the lukewarm flow of water, I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened.

One day a mysterious girl from the Underground literally catapulted into my life and brought with her a series of questions that I persisted in not wanting to answer.

I thought of the Underground as part of a past that I would never have access to again. I was not ashamed of my life before the Scouts. That was just what I had been arranged with and my present was what I had managed to do with that. Our mission against the titants had given me a new purpose in life, a noble cause to which I had dedicated body and soul, without any regret.

And yet since that night, I’ve been forced to dig up something latent, my past and the Underground, and with that girl also something that I’ve probably never experienced in my life.

Moreover, having seen that horrifying scene with her down there had upset me so much: I felt Daphne’s pain and her guilt of not having been able to save that girl and all those who still perished in that hovel. Which they still dared to call "Underground Capital". If they called it a catacomb, it would have sounded less ridiculous.

I felt the desperate and childish wish to help her and I thought that maybe showing her the true meaning of our mission could have helped her as much as it had helped me. A small hope was still burning somewhere in my bowels: if we had destroyed the titants, we would have saved everyone, even the Underground.

After I’d cleared myself of all the filth that kept sticking to me, I was on my way to the ground floor. As I left my room, the idea of knocking on Dafne’s door had occurred to me. I needed to know how she was doing, I needed to talk to her.

First, I tried to knock timidly, with a slight knock, but nothing. Then another one, but stronger. I thought about opening the door anyway, but something told me to let her go, maybe I’d meet her in the cafeteria. _Leave me. Leave me alone_ she said. Her broken voice, her completely lost expression, stuck in my head as I proceeded in the opposite direction to her room.

When I got down, I realized that she had not come down yet and as time passed, I realized that she would never come.

It seemed that my presence in the cafeteria had attracted more attention than usual, but I tried not to care too much about it, in the end, nobody dared to ask me anything and I remained in my usual silence.

Before going back to the room, I decided to prepare a plate with something to eat for Daphne and just as I was leaving the room, Hange appeared in front of me.

"Midnight snack?" she asked, blocking my way with one arm.

"No," I answered annoyed. With one hand I twisted her arm to make it lower and I walked past her.

"Levi, wait," she then said.

"If you wanna know, no, it wasn’t Dafne who killed your beloved giants and-"

"I already knew it. I never thought it was her..." As I heard those words, I turned around.

"I just wanted to know what happened to her, I saw her before walking in the hallway, I tried to call her, but... it didn’t even look like her..."

Hange seemed genuinely concerned about Daphne and I didn’t know what to say.

"It’s for her, isn’t it?" she said, pointing at the plate I was holding.

"Yeah, I don’t think she had dinner," I said.

"All right..." sighed Hange "I hope to meet her tomorrow..." she smiled at me, and I answered with a brief nod, and then I started to walk away.

Once arrived in front of her room, I tried to knock again. I tried one more time, but nothing.

So, I decided to put the plate on the ground:" Please, Dafne, don’t make me break down the door. Just open it," I said caught in a wave of sudden and brief anger. _No, that’s not good._

I sighed deeply, waited a bit and then spoke again: "Listen, I didn’t see you in the cafeteria... So, I brought you a plate with something to eat. I leave it here... Although I don’t know if you are hungry or not-"

Something stopped me, so I took a second deep breath and then "Actually, I don’t know anything, I don’t know what’s going on" _How are you? What was that chaos before? Did you hurt yourself? Are you okay?_ I actually wanted to tell her "Daphne, answer me" I could only say. _Fuck, answer me_. But still nothing.

"Say something... Please don’t make me open the door" _I just want to see how are you doing. Fuck, answer me_

"I need to talk to you," I said, as I kept talking to the door, "I’m sorry about what happened. I’m sorry about what you had to see. And I’m sorry for acting on instinct. I’m not one to apologize, I’m not one to have regrets, but I shouldn’t have..." I stopped for a second "kiss you without your consent, Daphne, I-". Unintentionally I grabbed her door handle and opened it. I wanted to see her, I wanted to talk to her and I was talking too much for my liking. _No, I can’t just invade her space like this. What the fuck am I doing?_ And with the same speed, I immediately closed the door. I shouldn’t have done that.

"All right... Then I’ll leave the plate here"

I didn’t know how much she had listened or if she had listened at all as I had hardly tried to tell her something logical. But all of a sudden, I felt two intense knocks on the door and then another, more delicate.

_What the fuck does this mean? Thank you, Levi? But why should you thank me? Ah, for dinner maybe... Or did she wanted to say "Go away, Levi"? Did I picture those knocks?_ I had no idea what it meant, but I just needed to make sure that she was still alive behind that door and that was enough.

I put one hand on the door and then I said one last time, "I’m sorry, Daphne. Good night."


	9. Bites

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FanArt: by roredwarrior
> 
> Songs: "I Feel Like I'm Drawning" by Two Feet, "Shiver" by Maroon 5, "Do I Wanna Know" by Arctic Monekys.

**BITES**

LEVI'S POV

As usual, I couldn’t sleep that night either, but for once, at least, I had a "good" excuse. I desperately wanted to know how Daphne was doing, and at the same time, I also wanted to start caring less about that girl. I could have really gotten myself into trouble.

I had always lost out when I cared about someone else: my mom, my friends, my comrades. And once I learned my lesson, after countless deaths, I had completely trained my mind and body to suck it up and move on. Honestly, there was nothing else I could do. Each loss had brought me to my knees, still, none of those seemed to stop me from achieving my goal, which was to annihilate the titans. To wipe them off the face of the earth. Once and for all.

And yet with Daphne, it was… different. I still couldn’t fully understand the nature and depth of my affection for her. I found no explanation for that chronic attraction I felt towards her and her story. _Maybe just empathy... yes, maybe just empathy, for another poor scrap from that hovel called Underground..._

The sun rose. It was about time for me to go down to the cafeteria and let that brand new and challenging day begin. When I was almost in front of the main stairs, I noticed a bit of bustle: some cadets were crammed in front of a window, intent on looking out and making almost incomprehensible comments. Among them, I saw Petra, who immediately noticed my gaze and ran towards me.

"Captain, good morning!" she greeted me with her usual enthusiasm. “What’s this fucking racket now?” I cut her off. "Ahem... Well..." While Petra was stuttering something, I went to the window, getting those brats out of my way. _Tch, what the fuck they are ever looking at._

"Here she comes again..." one of them whispered as they all stepped back. Then I saw her: Daphne was running like an insane around the castle.

"How long has this been going on?" I asked Petra, who had come forward, close to me. "I don’t know, sir, for a while I guess, but..." she shyly replied, intimidated by my possible reaction. "And you back there? What are you looking at, huh? Fuck off" I yelled at the cadets behind us. They instantly ran off.

"Captain, do you want me to go talk to her? You know, girl to girl..." I heard Petra say at one point, but I was too focused on thinking what the hell Daphne was trying to do to answer her. After a while, I came up with "No, Petra. In that state, if you tried to talk to her, she would probably rip your head off. Let her be. See you in the cafeteria."

As I walked down to the ground floor, I passed before the main door and there I felt like my legs didn’t want to move forward. I stopped and after a while, I decided to head outside. I stepped into the walkway and waited for her to pass in front of me again. Our eyes met, but she didn’t care too much and she just kept running around the castle, so I lost sight of her again. _Tch, again with this ignoring-me thing?_

On the second lap, as soon as I caught her gaze, we stared at each other again. Her eyebrows frowned visibly and so she stopped. After catching some breath, she started to walk in my direction. Actually, it seemed like she was coming right towards me. So, I decided to say something to her, "Oi, go take a shower, today Hange wants to do experiments on Eren-" She didn’t even let me finish, and when she was a few inches away, she just walked past me, without saying a word, and kept walking straight into the castle. _This girl, she..._

Later, Daphne didn’t come to the cafeteria and appeared in the courtyard just in time for the experiments. There were only me, her, four-eyed, and the whiner. During the whole experiment, Daphne stood aside, holding the notebook that Hange had given her, and she was just there waiting to write down what she was told to.

Eren failed to transform and Daphne helped him to come out of the stench where we had put him before. Once outside, she bound his hands, where he had bitten himself several times to induce the transformation. After patting him on the shoulder, Daphne suggested "Maybe it’s better to give the kid a break. It’s time for lunch anyways". Hange seemed to agree with her, so we all headed to the tables we had set up outside to eat something with the other soldiers. And still, Daphne was clearly avoiding me.

_I have a bad feeling about this._

DAPHNE'S POV

After interrupting the morning experiments, we decided to take a lunch break. Eren seemed exhausted and as much as I understood their intentions, I was often puzzled by Levi’s impassiveness and Hange’s twisted curiosity. Although that morning those simple thoughts seemed hard even to process. I still felt my head particularly heavy after another sleepless night. Even the sweet words of Levi on the other side of the door couldn’t have had any effect on my sorrow. Indeed, if anything, they made everything worse. I wouldn’t have let those two piercing eyes look inside me again and distract me from my real goal: to go home, to save my sisters, to live in peace. Full stop.

While I was focused on my food, I felt a gaze on me and an unexpected shiver seemed to run up my back. Levi, as usual, was staring at me, while he was sipping something from his cup and standing a few meters from his teammates' table. _Don’t you ever get tired of this, Levi?_

I intercepted his eyes. I tried not to get too caught up in the situation, but something told me to play a little anyway. _Let’s see how long can you keep up with me, Captain._ Without looking away from Levi, I kept on eating and drinking casually. Suddenly a small drop slipped out of my mouth, so I retrieved it with my thumb. That same voice in my head told me, " _Do it. Do it. You’ll make him go nuts”._

So, I went along with it. I put my thumb in my mouth and I sucked it slowly. I took all the time to calmly look at Levi’s reaction, who suddenly froze. His mug was still a couple of centimeters from his lips, now slightly open, while his gaze was focused on mine. My mouth curved in a small and mischievous smile. In response, Levi decided to turn his back on me. _Daphne 1 Levi 0_.

Soon after Petra approached him. She had probably witnessed the whole scene, but I couldn’t care less. She could think what the hell she wanted about me. I laughed and stared at the food again, but all of a sudden, I felt a little pat on my back. I saw Hange passing by, saying "Follow me". I did not make her repeat twice and I immediately ran after her.

"I’m sorry to bother you, but I really wanted to talk to you for a bit" she began to say, as we proceeded towards a small grove in the garden. "No, Hange, I’m the one who should apologize first... the other day I really fucked up" I interrupted her, bowing my head. "Yeah... You fucked up," she said, looking at me over her shoulder. "Hange, please you have to believe me. I wasn’t the one who killed your tita-"

"I know. I never suspected it was you... I know you got off to a rocky start with us, but I couldn’t believe you were capable of such a thing, so I never thought it was you". "Really?" I asked her, a bit curious.

"Call me a dupe, but... I feel like I can trust you, you know?" she said with a big smile, "From the first day I saw you, I immediately liked you. You look like a girl who knows what she’s about. However, I hate when people jump to conclusions. The fact that you’re from the Underground doesn’t mean a thing to me. In my eyes, that doesn’t make you either worse or better than any of us..." Her words seemed to comfort me straightaway. Hange was so transparent and honest. And I was incredibly grateful to have her somehow on my side. "But bad timing, girl," she added. I looked at her a bit confused.

"Erwin told me that you two ended up in the Underground and that Captain Levi didn’t give him much more explanation. But let’s just say I’ve done some math. I think you just took advantage of the situation to escape and I get it... Bad timing though" _Levi didn’t say anything about it. So, he didn’t explicitly tell the Commander about my attempted escape. Seriously? Ok, but why? Was he trying to protect me or just not to make a pointless fuss out of that?_ I thought, but then Hange’s voice brought me back down to earth.

"I understand you want to leave, but I guess Erwin found his way to keep you here, right?" We looked at each other and all I could think was _"Yes, Hange, a kind of way like if I tried to escape, he would personally escort me to the police who, after all I did in the Underground, would probably cut my head off in the public square. Something like that"._

"But why? Why coming back? What did you leave there?” she asked. I sighed and in total honesty I told her: "My sisters. I want to save them from there. Bring them on the surface to see the sky and give them a safe place to live". My few but sincere words seemed to hit her immediately. So, she inhaled soundly and then spoke again: "Look, can I give you some advice? A little friendly tip?"

I don’t know why, but her way of talking and her totally naive hint at being friendly with me had provoked a minor and uncontrollable reaction in me. So, a little giggle slipped out of my mouth as I nodded. She seemed to notice it, so she vigorously took me by the arm and said, “Well, the 57th expedition is around the corner. It’s a crucial moment now that we have Eren with us. So, wait a little longer. Bear with it. Help us. Fight with us. And if everything goes as planned, I’m sure we’ll find a way to help you. Maybe we could talk to Levi... I don’t know, but I promise you we’ll find a way, okay?"

I squeezed her arm tight. I perfectly knew she was just trying to comfort me, but I really needed a break from everything that was going on in my life at that point. "And what happens if the mission doesn’t go according to plan?" I naively asked her. Hange stopped and grabbed me by the shoulders. She didn’t know what to say. However, our attention was immediately caught by a sudden roar, like an explosion, and so we rushed back.

Once there, a huge smoke enveloped what looked like a massive carcass, over which towered Eren, visibly terrified. All around him, the other cadets had drawn their swords towards him and between them and Eren, there was only Levi, unarmed, with his hands stretched out, saying "Don’t panic, I just said don’t panic. And that goes for everyone". The ferocious looks of Petra, Gunther, Eld and Oruo were fixated on Eren as if they were completely ignoring their captain’s orders. They looked like hunting animals, ready to attack their prey at the first wrong move, while Levi kept saying "Don’t panic".

As soon as we realized what had just happened, Hange went into raptures and immediately ran towards him. "Please let me touch your arm. Please, I swear I’ll only touch it," she said, and as she begged him, almost drooling, she got closer. With both her hands she caressed the carcass, still steaming. "Hange, no wait!" I tried to scream, but it was already too late. As soon as she felt the heat on her hands, she threw herself on the ground, aching but extremely happy. She had an expression like she was in ecstasy, and I was at loss for words. Hange was a curious character.

Eren freed himself from the carcass and fell to the ground, catching everyone’s attention. Levi quickly got closer to him and asked, "How are you feeling?". The boy was visibly stunned, so the captain dismissed him, returning to his companions. A glance was enough to put them in line.

Levi always seemed to have everything under control.

We went back to our tables to finish what we started and at some point, Petra came up to me saying: "Daphne, we were thinking about training a little bit in the afternoon with the devices. Would you like to join us?". "Um... sure, why not" I said. I still had no idea whether or not I could trust Petra, but Hange’s words had shaken something inside of me. The 57° expedition. The 57° expedition and then I would have found a way. We would have found a way, together.

"Great! See you later then" she smiled at me. "Sure... Thank you for inviting me, Petra" I added.

"It’s the least I can do... And since we’re here... I wanted to say that I’m sorry about the other day. You know, after training… I spoke out of turn. I got caught up in the moment," she said, slightly lowering her head. "No worries. Like it never happened" I immediately replied. Then she smiled and said "Good" and so she left.

A few hours later I was there again with Petra, Gunther, Eld, Oruo, and other veterans who I hadn’t yet met. Shortly afterward, Levi and two other team leaders joined us to supervise. I was oddly confident that afternoon: Hange’s words had encouraged me to work hard and the invitation of Petra... well I must say, I was impressed and somehow glad she was trying to get along with me.

As soon as she saw me coming, Petra greeted me energetically and beckoned me to join her. "I usually pair up with Oruo, but if you want, we could-" she started to say. "If you want, I can train with her" I heard a voice coming from behind me. It was Eld. Eld Jinn. Second in command among the Levi Squad’s soldiers. "Since we have not yet got to know each other..." he added smiling, as soon as I turned towards him. Eld had an honest face and the appearance of a warrior who knew what he was doing. I didn’t overthink it and said, "Surely, Eld. Thank you". 

As we were approaching the grove to train, Eld started to speak, "I saw you with the devices. You looked pretty skilled. I have to say I was amazed by-". "By me? Because I’m a girl from the Underground?" I interrupted him. I shouldn’t have answered him like that. He didn’t say anything wrong, actually. I’ve always been such a terrible socializer.

"Absolutely not. I was amazed in general. You looked like you perfectly knew what you were doing with these freaking things. It took me forever to learn," he laughed. He didn’t seem to care at all for my interruption. "I’m sorry, Eld..."

"Don’t mention it. I guess it wasn’t easy... I mean everything, so don’t worry, I get it" he promptly declared. "Yep..." I replied, showing him a shy smile. Eld didn’t seem so bad.

"Hey, Eld" I heard a voice coming from our shoulders "If I were you, I’d be careful to handle those devices next to that one. She could steal them and run away, maybe run away to kill some titans she’s _not supposed to_ kill". It didn’t take me long to connect that annoying tone to Oruo’s fuck face. As soon as I turned around, I jumped at his throat and knocked him down.

I sensed Petra and Eld coming closer as they tried to separate us. While I was squeezing Oruo’s neck in my hands, he still gave me that kind of look like he wasn’t still ready to give up. “Excuse me, what did you say? Try me now, you fucking moron!" I yelled as I held him tighter "Sorry, what? I can’t hear you, asshole. Speak louder if you dare!!". Oruo was struggling beneath me, trying to free himself from my grip.

By now many had come to watch us, when at a certain point I felt two hands taking me by the waist and lifting me. I was still holding Oruo’s neck, who was promptly pulled away by a couple of soldiers behind him. Petra got closer to him and shouted something like, "What’s wrong with you?". I didn’t understand much more, but I kept my blood-shot eyes glued on him, not caring much that someone was carrying me away.

I soon realized it was – of course - Levi. As I freed myself from his grip, he tried to pull me by the arm saying "Get back inside. Now.", but I growled at him "Leave me alone, Captain". "Daphne..." he threatened me, now standing right in front of me.

"Fuck off and let me smash that asshole’s face" and while I was yelling at him, I tried to get back to Oruo, but Levi got in my way. Again. "Get a grip. You're pissing me off right now. Calm down," he whispered. "Fucking leave me alone!" I yelled at him. He took my tantrum quite badly and as soon as I tried again to walk past him, he fiercely grabbed me and carried me inside the castle on his shoulder.

I kept trying to wiggle out of his grip, shouting nonsense. I kicked him and punched him on his back, screaming to let me go. Levi didn’t seem to care. At some point, I just gave up and let myself go like a dead body on his shoulder.

As soon as we arrived at my room, he let me off and again we found ourselves there, in front of my door, silently staring at each other. "Take a shower and calm down," Levi said, and then he turned his heels. He just took one step and then he added, still not turning around: "Don’t let words make you lose control like that. They’re just words..."

I stayed silent and as soon as he stepped forward to leave, I instinctively reached for his jacket and grabbed it with my right hand, as if to stop him. I didn’t really know what I was doing. He still didn't dare to turn or say anything, but at some point I saw his left hand coming back and looking for mine. Once he found it, he gently squeezed it and slightly turned his face, looking at me over his shoulder. And then, without saying a word, he left.

Later, I was at dinner with Eren and the others, who were all about telling me about the ceremony that was held that afternoon. They had officially joined the Survey Corps and it seemed like Erwin had given them one of his famous speeches to convince them. I watched them carefully, one by one. They were really just a bunch of kids, driven by their dreams. They were just a bunch of kids who had just signed a death treaty. I tried not to get too sentimental and I kept listening to what they had to say.

They all seemed pretty thrilled by the words of Commander Smith, who apparently would have shown us the following day the strategy he devised for the next expedition. Honestly, for some reason, I was looking forward to it.

As I left the cafeteria, I heard someone calling my name. As soon as I recognized his voice, I was almost tempted to keep walking and ignore him. "Daphne, hold up..." Oruo said. When I turned around, I saw Petra, Eld and Gunther right behind him. "Ahem..." he stuttered, then Eld pushed him. " Well, sorry about today, I didn’t know it wasn’t you..."

"Whatever" I said, turning around. _If he thinks I’m going to apologize for choking him, he is so fucking wrong._ Then Eld came up to me and said, "Hey, we have a meeting with some team leaders tonight... if you want, you can join us. I think we’ll talk about the expedition or something". "Yes, Daphne, you must come with us!" added Petra, approaching us. I shrugged and added a simple "Yeah, sure".

When we arrived in a room I had never seen before, Mike and Hange were already sitting at a table. The light was soft and the two were chatting animatedly. Later, Levi and Eren joined us and at that point, Hange threw a teaspoon on the table. "I pulled it out of the hand that came out of Eren..." she said, then turned to the boy who was now sitting next to her. "Does it ring any bell?" she added.

"Yes... I remember that before I transformed, I was trying to pick it up from the ground". There were a few moments of silence, and then Hange whispered "Just as I thought" and then raised her voice to say: "That’s why we couldn’t get you to transform this morning. Killing the titans, protecting yourself from a cannonball, collecting this teaspoon. It is not enough for you to hurt yourself. You also must have a clear goal to achieve". Eren was completely shocked by that revelation, but he managed to say, "Yes, it reminds me of that one time with the cannonball... But to transform just for a teaspoon? What’s the point?"

"So, today you didn’t break the agreements you made" Gunther claimed. "Of course,” Eren promptly replied. Gunther sighed in response and exchanged a glance with the others. All of a sudden, they all bit their hands in synch and that totally caught me by surprise. But I quickly realized they were trying to prove something to Eren.

"Fuck, it hurts so bad," said Gunther. "Eren, how the hell do you do this?" added Eld. Then Gunther told Eren "Until now we have always underestimated you and this is only a modest compensation...". "We’re so sorry, Eren, we just got scared. We’re a bunch of idiots, but we hope that you'll still trust your comrades" Petra declared, looking him in the eyes. Her expression and words seemed so genuine and honest. "Please, trust us again," she added. Eren nodded and convincingly said "Of course", then exchanged a glance with Levi.

I was quite amazed by the whole scene. The soldiers of the Survey Corps were always full of surprises and once again I felt growing inside of me a strange feeling, as of excitement. It was that stupid sense of pride for something I didn’t even feel like a part of yet.

LEVI'S POV

We all continued chatting for a while until that brat started yawning nonstop, so Hange decided to call it a day. I stayed a little longer to talk with Hange and Mike about the report on Eren’s experiments. Then I decided that it was time for me to head back. I felt unexpectedly tired. Walking before the kitchen, I noticed a figure in front of the stove and I instinctively stopped. Daphne was standing there, in front of the window, while a small pot was warming up next to her.

"Are you done?" she said at some point. She probably sensed my presence on the doorstep. I didn’t mind her tone and I started getting closer to her. Then she turned around and a frowny face appeared on her face. "What’s with you?" she asked. "I could ask you the same thing," I said. In response, she crossed her arms over her chest.

“It’s nothing," added Daphne after a while. "Oh really? Then, what was that show you put up today, this morning with that crazy race and then later with Oruo at the training session, huh?". She clenched her jaw, then growled "You know I’m having a hard time recently".

She tried to face again the window, but I promptly grabbed her shoulder, making her turn to me. So, I said, "No, Daphne. I have no idea what’s going on with you, because the other day I tried several times to come and talk to you, but you decided to ignore me” I paused as I sensed a little anger growing inside of me, but I simply couldn’t repress it. So, I added “What is it, huh? Are you intimidated, by any chance? Are you uncomfortable talking to me because we kissed last time?"

"No," she promptly answered, "Don’t worry, Captain, I’m not that sentimental. You did what you had to do. That kiss meant absolutely nothing to me." _Nothing. Nothing, you say. Ok. Anyway, again with this captain-thing?_

"I see…" I said, getting closer to her. " Well, I’m glad to hear that, because... I mean, in a few days one of us might even _die_ during the expedition, so it’s convenient for both of us to not get any strange ideas and keep this attitude” I paused. I noticed she had suddenly tensed up at the sound of my words. "But I have to admit..." I started talking again, grabbing a lock of her hair and twirling it a couple of times between my fingers. So, I kept talking, this time almost whispering, "I never expected such an answer from an emotional girl like you."

Thanks to the darkness coming from the outside, both our faces were mostly immersed in the gloom and only a feeble light placed a few meters from us illuminated our contours. And yet, I managed to read all over her face the deep frustration that my provocation had created.

"If it matters so much to you, captain, I can easily demonstrate to you how little I care about that kiss," she barked back at some point. That being said, she let her arms down to the sides of her body and got dangerously close to me. _You’re playing with fire, Daphne_.

But her comeback didn’t scare me that much, so I decided to step further. At that point we were so close that she was forced to take a step back, bumping into the kitchen base cabinet. She tried to maintain her composure, but I had definitely caught her off guard, approaching her like that. I thought it wouldn’t have hurt to tease her a little more. _Now let’s see who’s in charge_. I got even closer, to the point we were just a few inches from each other, to the point I almost broke her pride down.

I placed my hands on the cabinet, right behind her, and our faces were now at the same height. Suddenly her breath became heavier, her lips parted and a deep sigh escaped from her mouth. Her warm breath brushed my skin and getting even closer to her, a small grin appeared on my face. By now, we were basically one glued to the other and I could feel her skin almost burning, her cheeks slightly blushing.

I tried to make her even more uncomfortable by impatiently traveling my eyes from hers down to her mouth and vice versa. She had no clue about what I was going to do next. Then, trying to annoy her, I added, "I don’t think you understood who you’re messing with, Daphne". I squeezed the kitchen top tightly in my hands, flexing my arms. _I don’t think you understood a damn thing, Daphne._

She swallowed soundly, then took courage and told me, provocatively: "And you captain? As far as I can see, it seems like you are the one _afraid_ to make the first move, sir". "I’m not afraid of anything, _little girl_ ," I whispered, touching her nose with mine and almost brushing my lips against hers.

She let a short sigh come out of her mouth, then added "Are you sure about that, captain?" circling her fingers on my collar and dangerously looking at my mouth and then back at my eyes. "Daphne, don’t play with me. You’ll get hurt," I told her frowning. I wasn’t sure who I was actually talking to. I didn’t know what another kiss would have led to: only one would have been enough to change everything, forever. And yet, at that moment I would have given anything to feel once again her sweet taste on my skin, in my mouth, under my tongue.

"Don’t flatter yourself too much, _Levi_ " _Oh really, Daphne? Really?_ Then she continued: "Are you sure you’re not just afraid?" There I couldn’t figure out what was making me insane, whether the way she called me by my name again or those words. _Don’t be afraid, Levi_. I believed I could hear my mother’s voice again. Images from that strange dream I had had a few days before suddenly appeared in front of me, almost blinding me. " _Don’t be afraid, Levi"._ _I’m not afraid._

Daphne tried to draw my attention back to her, asking me with a smug smile painted on her face: "So? Are you afraid you're going to lose at this game, Levi?". I was on the verge of losing my patience, so I took a deep breath. Looking back at her and staring straight into her eyes, I stated "No. I just have too much respect for you," I paused "And the water is boiling," and then I moved slightly away from her.

As I tried to reach the stove to turn it off, she suddenly grabbed me by the collar and pulled me to her. Her lips immediately found mine, which responded as aggressively as hers. I let myself go, completely, as I took her face with my hands. Then I slid my fingers behind her neck and into her hair.

We continued to kiss each other avidly like we were fighting in a bidding war. At one point she took my lower lip with her mouth, biting it slowly and then gradually letting it go. She then looked with such a pleased expression at my unexpected reaction: I was paralyzed and for a moment I just stared at her, almost out of breath. Then without overthinking it, I let my hands slide alongside the curves of her body down to her thighs and I pulled her up, putting her to sit on the kitchen counter.

I felt the urge to attack her lips again, just to wipe that mischievous smile off her face. I kissed her even deeper than before, holding her neck and back with my hands. She instantly responded to me, wrapping her legs around my waist and pulling me in. In the meantime, I started to hear a strange sound in the background, like a rumble, but I couldn’t completely figure out what it was. A white noise resonated in my head and all my senses were intent on perceiving that unexpected and new sensation that was running up and down my body, coming from somewhere deep down inside of me.

Her hands were now on my neck and she slowly moved her fingers close to my mouth, as if to ask my permission to part my lips. And so I did. I slightly opened my mouth, allowing her tongue in, while her hands cupped my face. I really felt like I was about to lose it: my tongue was totally subjugated by hers and after a while, I could no longer hold myself back.

Just for a second, I moved my mouth away from her and I started leaving tiny hungry kisses down her neck to her collarbone. I felt like I was starving and longing for something whose features and taste I couldn’t even comprehend. In response, she tilted her head back, almost in ecstasy. Her breath ran short and her skin crawled. 

When I was closer to her collar, I stopped, undecided about what to do next. So, I looked up at her and she gave me a shy nod as if to allow me to do whatever I wanted.

I moistened my lips as I impatiently tried to free her from the uniform’s leather band over her chest and then from her shirt, as much as possible. Once I unbuttoned it, I stopped for a moment to contemplate the view I had in front of me: from the fabric of her bra to the shadow between her breasts, the goosebumps on her naked skin, right there, in the middle. Instinctively I began to kiss the contour of her right cup, along the line between her skin and the fabric, while my hand slowly climbed on her torso, accompanying my every step on her. Under me I sensed her skin becoming incandescent.

But as soon as I pulled the fabric away, just a little to slide my finger under it, almost caressing her nipple, a loud noise shook both of us. The pot, which in the meantime had continued to warm up, had fallen to the ground, spilling everywhere the water that was inside of it, from the hob to the floor. That bang seemed to bring us both down to earth and we immediately realized distant voices in the hallway adjacent to the kitchen were slowly getting closer.

We eyed each other and instinctively moved away, trying to pull ourselves together. Once she got off the cabinet, Daphne began to button up her shirt and rearrange her hair, while I fixed my clothes and lightly touched my mouth with my fingers. _Who the hell is it now?_

All of a sudden, Mike peeked out from behind the door, saying, "Is everything all right? Did something happen? I heard a bang and...". His eyes ran to the pot on the ground, without even caring too much about us and he immediately understood what happened. "Don’t worry, Mike. It was just me. I made a mess here..." Daphne answered him promptly. He believed her without getting too suspicious and so he left.

Again, we found ourselves alone, while the water kept running down the drawers. 

"Well, maybe it was a sign that we had to stop, right?" she whispered slowly, getting closer to me again. I didn’t know what to say or do, I felt like I was catapulted back into our reality, in Captain Levi’s shoes, and a strange sense of regret rushed inside of me. _What was I doing?_ Sensing my silence, Daphne sighed, but before she could add anything else, I said: "Go ahead, I’ll take care of this _mess_ here", never looking up from the ground. "Okay... Well, good night Levi" she murmured, almost sounding melancholic.

In my life, I have always known what to do, but at that moment I was completely paralyzed by indecision. So I only managed to say "Night, Daphne".


	10. Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I updated the Prologue, adding there a link to a document with all the characters’ specifications (Martha’s and Master’s will be added in the future). I’ll repost here just Alec’s, so… let me introduce you to him!
> 
> Warnings: the first part of the chapter will be about Daphne’s past with Alec. As you can already tell from his description, his story is pretty sad. There’s a death scene that may upset some of you, so skip it if it makes you uncomfortable.
> 
> Songs: “The One That Got Away (Acoustic Version)” by Katy Perry (biggest inspiration for this chapter), “Hurt” by Christina Aguilera (this song kills me every time), “Carousel” by Melanie Martinez.]

**WOUNDS**

****

DAPHNE’S POV

˜ _FLASHBACK_ ˜

_The first time Alec arrived at the brothel he was just 15. His father wanted to introduce him to his job, to secure his position and future. Very thoughtful of his, if it wasn’t for the fact that he had just brought a little lamb in the lion’s cage._

_Alec was already tall for his age, but he kept growing in height until he was almost 6’0. And yet his body stayed pretty slender and delicate. It quite matched his sweet features and manners. Alec was the purest soul I’ve ever met in my entire, albeit short, life._

_At first, he just had to take care of the few horses and carriages the Master possessed. Animals didn’t quite like the Underground’s environment, so Alec and his father were the only ones allowed to go on the surface to go for a ride or escort the Master somewhere._

_He wasn’t authorized to talk to us or even enter the brothel: us girls were off-limits. But, eventually, we found our ways to meet him. There weren’t many nice and young people around the building. And as good-looking as him._

_Nina and I weren’t on the same page about Alec. She used to bully him all the time, calling him whiner or pussy. On the contrary, I’ve always known he was one of a kind. And to be honest, he was so nice that even the Master started to like him and became more indulgent with him. That’s when he softened and I formally met Alec for the first time._

_I remember that one of my first training with my Master’s goons didn’t end well for me. I had bruises and wounds all over my body and face, and I couldn’t even stand up properly. I don’t know what I was expecting, they had never been the kindest._

_However, long story short, that day I was a literal mess and as I was trying to pull myself together, I crawled to the nearest place, looking for some water and rest: the stable._

_As soon as Alec saw me, he ran towards me and started stuttering anxious and incoherent phrases. He took care of me and since that day, after each training he would have waited for me to spend some time together, talking, playing with the horses, walking around the building, or just enjoying our company, in silence._

_We tried our best to not get caught as we treasured those moments together just for ourselves._

_“So?? Did that scrawny ass boy have the courage to kiss you this time?” said Nina, when I entered the kitchen. “What the fuck are you talking about, Nina??” I promptly replied. “Daphne! Pretty please, stop swearing…” complained Abigail “Well, did he proposed???” then added full of curiosity. “WHAAAAT?? EXCUSE ME???” I shouted._

_“Oh, c’mon Daphne. it’s so obvious that even Sae-jin got it!” screamed Ruth walking in the room. “Don’t pull me in. I don’t give a damn about what she does with that poor boy…” calmly stated Sae-jin, leaving the room and dragging away with her Eve, who as usual was not understanding much._

_Sae-jin was always so avoidant. But how could I blame her? The girls could get pretty annoying sometimes. Well, always._

_“Ok, now I’m losing my patience…” I sighed “You’re totally misunderstanding the situation. Alec and I are just good friends” I declared. “I couldn’t care less how you call each other. Friends, brothers, potatoes…” started again Nina, now reaching for Ruth, who instantly intercepted her gesture and sprinted to sit on her lap._

_Nina was always too casual when it came to those things. Whenever we were alone - which happened very frequently given that we were almost inseparable - she used to tell me: “They told us what to do with our bodies, but this…” she pointed at my head “… and this…” and then at my heart “are only ours, or of those to whom we choose to dedicate them”._

_I knew she was talking from experience. Among us, she was the best at faking the whole thing, the clients loved her, but she was nobody’s property but Ruth’s. And vice versa. “Remember doll, loving and fucking are two different things… Well, if you find someone who can give you both, then… Lucky you” and then laughed out loud._

_I never fully grasped what she meant. At that time, I knew so little about relationships, love, desires, but I wanted to know more, to learn more about myself, my true self, the one I couldn’t talk to anyone about._

_Eventually, I figured it out in the oddest way: the thing I despised more than anything else, sex, taught me the most about the others, myself, and my relationship with others. So little could be hidden to two naked bodies, two stripped minds. But that’s a lesson I learned only once out of th brothel, years later._

_But still, at that time, love was only a mysterious word in Martha’s stupid fairytales, in Chadia’s past affairs she used to tell us about, and in Nina’s mischievous hints._

_“Girls… Geez, we didn’t kiss! And never we will!” I stated, getting nervous. “Ok, one more week. I bet tonight tips” whispered Ruth in Nina’s ear. “Deal” said Nina. Abigail chuckled watching my frustrated reaction. Those were our little innocent moments. Just the calm before the storm._

_Eventually, that day arrived. I knew Alec had a crush on me, but I always avoided thinking about it too much, until that day. I was hanging the laundry on the rooftop of the building when Alec came to me mumbling some nonsense. “Alec, are you high or something?” I teased him. He frowned making a hilarious puppy face. He always looked so innocent even when he was angry._

_“N-no. No, please Daphne, let me finish” he said. “Boy, you didn’t even start” I laughed. He couldn’t stand my attitude anymore, so he rushed towards me, making his way through the bright blankets swaying in the air. And there, hidden by their motion, he stole me a kiss._

_He immediately took a step back. One kiss gave him enough courage to say: “I like you, Daphne. I like you a lot. I liked you since the first day I saw you through the window. And I think I’ll like you forever…” he said all in one breath._

_I blinked, unable to say a single word. I knew I liked him too, but I could already tell the difference between our feelings. And I believe he knew that too. Since I couldn’t stand lying to him, I didn’t say anything and I just hugged him tightly._

_I knew that wasn’t love, but Alec always made me feel safe and understood, so I swallowed my indecision and gave it a try. I was so young and naive._

_I used to sneak out at night, climbing down my window, to meet him at the stable. I was always the one who initiated every make-out session and Alec seemed to appreciate it, but he was already content with my presence, he simply enjoyed my company. Instead, I craved to be touched by him, by someone who cared about me, for once. I craved it like I was starving and avidly trying to figure out something, someone. Probably myself._

_We successfully kept it on the down-low for more than a year. When I turned 20, he surprised me with a gift: a knife, with a capital D he personally engraved on the hilt. I couldn’t stop thanking him, when, at some point, he came up with “I know you can handle yourself, but I want you to be safe. Whatever happens”._

_“Alec, you’re such a party pooper. Don’t be so dramatic, I’ll be fiiiine. But still thank you so-“. “No, Daphne, you don’t get it” he interrupted me “Trust me. Things are taking a turn for the worst. The Master is getting himself into… into some deep shit”. “Alec Reed. Did you just say the s-word??” I sarcastically added. But his face was so serious I almost got scared._

_“Things are about to go down, Daphne. Please, carry this thing with you… Oh, I almost forgot about it. Here, I also made this” he said handing me a short leather belt with a little pocket designed for the knife. “You can put it around your…” he coughed “…thigh”._

_His little speech literally gave me chills and I desperately wanted to change the subject, so I seized the moment. “Oh, well… since you thought about this belt on my thigh…” I seductively said, raising my skirt up, exposing my leg “…Why don’t you show me how you imagined it” I suggested._

_He almost choked at my words, causing me to laugh out loud. I hugged him once again, thinking that the heavens had sent him to me. I kissed him on the cheek, thanking him again, and then I rushed back inside since our little time was quickly coming to an end. But his words stuck inside my head for days, weeks, months, until his prophecy took place._

_My last year at the brothel was nothing but a sequence of tragedies. One day Eve found Chadia’s lifeless body and after a couple of months, Sae-jin and her lover, Colton, were brutally murdered by the Master, who found out about their complot against him. Tabitha was given as wife (well, sold) to an unknown client and at some point, Abigail started to act quite strangely around me, almost avoiding me._

_That chain of catastrophes ended with my worst nightmare: Alec’s execution._

_One night, after climbing back to my window, I found two guards waiting for me in my room. One of them quickly grabbed a fist of my hair, shoved me down to the stairs and then dragged me to the back of the brothel. And there I saw them._

_Alec was on his knees and around him stood other guards in a semi-circle. I tried to call Alec but he didn’t seem to even notice me. His eyes were fixed on the ground, his hands behind his back and his body shaking. “Alec, what’s going on…” I murmured again._

_“Oh babygirl, you know what is going on…” my Master’s voice echoed behind me. His filthy hands caressed my skin, from my collarbone to my chin, as he spoke again “Boy, look up, look up at me when I'm talking”. Alec immediately obeyed. His face was swollen and his eyes glassy and red. “Alec…” I whispered in disbelief, shaking my head._

_“See? You see this?” The Master said brushing his index along my cheek and then fiercely grabbing my jaw “This is my property… Everything here is my property… I trusted you boy. But I think you’ve bitten off more than you can chew”. “No… No... Please no” I whispered as tears streamed down my face. He was right: I knew what was going on._

_The Master nodded and all his little dogs moved quickly, obeying him. A second just before that, Alec’s lips moved to tell me something that I wasn’t quick enough to catch. Soon the Master’s goons were over him, ruthlessly punching and kicking him._

_I started to scream and as soon as I tried to move forwards the Master fiercely grabbed me, blocking my arms behind my back and holding my jaw in Alec’s direction so tightly he was bruising my skin. I fidgeted in his grip and while I was sobbing uncontrollably, he whispered in my ear “Oh no no no, babygirl. I want you to watch this veeeery carefully… I want you to learn a little lesson today… Nobody touches what’s mine”._

_I couldn’t stay still in the Master’s hands. I couldn’t stand that view anymore but he was so massive and definitely stronger than me at that time. On the corner of my eye, on the left, I saw a couple of other guards holding a man: Alec’s father. His face was stoic, his body firm. He didn’t even notice me: he was "watching carefully, trying to learn a little lesson that day"._

_When they were done with Alec, the Master let go of me and my body fell heavily on the ground, exhausted. Alec was left on the ground, lifeless and alone. His dad immediately walked away as I crawled to Alec's body, calling his name softly “Alec… Alec… “. My hands stood in front of his black and blue face. I didn’t dare to even touch him like I was in front of something unreal._

_Words seemed to get trapped in my throat and my mind completely blanked out. I don’t know how much time passed, but at a certain point, a sweet voice whispered in my ear “Let’s go, doll…”. I immediately sensed Nina’s strong hands lifting me and carrying me up to my room. I desperately clung to her body as we made our way back into the building._

_That night I did learn a lesson: The Master would have paid for all of that. But revenge is a dish best served cold and the night I escaped from the brothel I left my sister Abigail Alec’s knife: just one knife wouldn’t have been enough for my plan._

˜ _  
_

Trying to not think about Levi’s lips on me was impossible. Even if I promised to myself to cut him out of my mind, that night I allowed myself to repeat that scene, that feeling several times again in my head until I went numb and fell asleep. I felt helpless against those thoughts and I let them get the better of me. _Just for tonight…_ I thought.

Another day came and I told myself that that fantasy wouldn’t have left my room, it would have died there within its walls. _As soon as I see him again, let’s make things clear before anything else happens._ Confident, I went straight down to the cafeteria, but Levi was nowhere to be found.

On the right corner of my eye, I sensed Mikasa, shily waving at me, and Sasha energetically gesturing me to join them for breakfast. “Where is Eren?” I said at some point. _Well, where is Levi?_ I actually thought. “I was thinking the same thing…” mumbled Mikasa. “Maybe he’s just with the captain and his squad, or with Hange” suggested Armin, trying to comfort her.

I decided to use that spare time to practice my future speech in my mind. _"Levi, let’s stop making out in the kitchen. Ok, thank you for your kind attention, bye". No, this is absolutely ridiculous. I sound like I want to make out somewhere else. Oh, breakfast is over._ And as I got up from the table I kept thinking of some other smarter alternatives.

 _"Levi, don’t you ever kiss me again". Are you sure you want to say that, Daphne?_ asked that annoying voice in my head. _Sure. Absolutely. "Levi, don’t come closer to me ever again ". Okay, maybe that’s a bit much. "Levi, stop..."._ And as my feet unconsciously followed the others into the hallway and my mind wandered looking for other excuses, I sensed a presence behind me and a hand grabbing my left arm.

Then, suddenly, a warm breath tickled my ear, saying: "When you’re done with the lesson, meet me at the stable. I’ll wait for you". _Levi._ I instantly froze, unable to take another step forward, and my lips slightly parted, as if I had just seen a ghost.

As soon as I felt that presence moving away from me, a cold shiver ran down my back. He never failed to make me feel so fucking helpless. I turned around and saw the Captain join the rest of the squad, going in the opposite direction. Among the soldiers, I saw Eren, who waved at me and thankfully woke me from that momentary paralysis.

_"When you’re done with the lesson, meet me at the stable. I’ll wait for you. When you’re done with the lesson, meet me at the stable. I’ll wait for you. Meet me at the stable. I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait for you". Stop, stop, stop. STOP. This must end now._

When we arrived in the classroom, we were greeted by a couple of team leaders standing in front of a huge green board. A few steps from them Commander Erwin Smith was waiting for us all to take the seat. As soon as he got our full attention, he started talking "Cadets, welcome. Before class starts, I wanted to carve out a moment to talk to you".

I looked around quickly. Everyone seemed completely fascinated by Erwin’s words. The only thing I could think of, looking at him, was a huge fucking obstacle, the wall standing between me and my true freedom. "The next expedition will start in less than 48 hours. I hope no one wants to pull back at this point" he lightly laughed, looking at the other team leaders.

"I hope not... especially since I hope that each of you will understand your invaluable value. Each of you is a key piece in this plan. Each of you is a key piece in the victory of mankind over titans. Your life and death will have meaning far beyond human understanding. Sacrifice your hearts for mankind".

I only needed those 10 minutes in his presence to truly understand Commander Smith. It wasn’t just his always right choice of words, his statuesque physique, or the charm of his reputation. No. It was his aura. It reminded me of the same feeling Levi gave me. They were men of power, because they emanated that power, in their gestures, in their gaze, even in the tone of their voice.

At that point, if Commander Smith had ordered me to make him soup, I would have made it on the spot. "Well, my time is up. See you at the departure, soldiers," he said, looking at us with severity and pride, and then, after our salute, he left.

Shortly after, the squad leader Ness took the floor. He was in charge of making a general explanation for the expedition. He clarified the main goals, the equipment and the distinction of the different colors of the signal flares, and other basic rules. In the afternoon, the various units would have more information from their captains on their position and strategy.

I did my best to concentrate but Levi’s words still echoed in my head. _"I’ll wait for you"._ Commander Erwin had not hesitated to mention our possible - and statistical - death during the mission. _If I don’t want to die, I’d better listen more carefully_.

Wrong move. Erwin’s speech had a whole other heaviness than Levi’s vague hint. It was life or death, and at that point, I no longer knew which one of those damn two was driving me nuts.

After the lesson, I immediately went to the stable. _Look at you, what are you? His puppy? So obedient... Look at you wagging your tail..._ teased me a voice in my head. I wanted to confront Levi about the other night, now more than ever.

Once at the threshold of the stable I couldn't see anyone and so, I entered the shed starting the monologue that I had prepared before.

"Look, Levi, I don’t have much time to waste... Levi. Where the hell are you... Levi? Are you here?" _I have a bad feeling about this_. While I was still calling his name, at a certain point someone called mine: "Daphne?". That was definitely not Levi.

Eren jumped out of a corner and I instantly froze. Then he added, "Here you are! We were waiting for you," and so I turned around. Behind my back, the whole - I repeat, the whole - Levi Squad was preparing their horses. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit, shit, shit._

Among them, Levi was staring at me with his hands on the hips and the smug look of someone who seemed to have just won a bet or something. As if that wasn’t enough, in addition to that temporary shame, seeing Levi after that kiss was just torture. I could still feel his hands and the icy peppermint aftertaste of his breath all over me.

Once I found a crumb of courage, I managed to simulate a shy salute.

"So how did it go with Commander Smith? Did he scare you enough?" Petra asked me, laughing. "Yep" I replied. "C’mon, get a move on," Levi said harshly. I looked at him, quite confused. “I need to talk to you all about the expedition," he added.

"Oh, wait, Captain! Before we go..." Petra started talking again "Here, Daphne, from now on this is yours!". She handed me a green cape with the wings of freedom on the back. Once I wore it, Petra said: "Wow, green is definitely your color, Daphne!"

I looked around and immediately saw Gunther saying, almost blushing, "Indeed. It looks really good on you, Daphne". Then again, I felt that familiar feeling of being watched intensely. I slightly turned my head to intercept Levi’s reaction, who was checking me from head to toe _. I don’t know what I’d give to know what’s on his mind sometimes..._

"Yeah, sure" Oruo muttered, rolling his eyes and jumping on the saddle. Eld gave me a nod and followed his comrade. The others joined them and then I heard a trot getting closer behind me. Levi was walking towards me with two horses beside him.

Handing me the reins of my horse, he silently approached me, with his usual composed expression. So, I started to say, "Look, Levi, first...", but he immediately interrupted me: "What is it? Were you expecting a romantic rendezvous with me in the stable?"

"No" I quickly answered in a frustrated tone "First of all, I’m sorry for calling you by your name… I didn’t know-“. “I couldn’t care less” he interrupted me and then walked away. “HEY! I’M NOT DONE TALKING!” I shouted back at him. He immediately turned around, looking at me wide-eyed, quite surprised by my tone.

“Secondly…” I coughed “I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night in the kitc-". But Levi didn’t, again, let me finish the sentence, and getting practically under my nose he said: "I think you were pretty clear about it. We shouldn’t have kissed, right?".

I didn’t know what to say and Levi knew perfectly well how uncomfortable he was making me. He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows as if he wanted a quick answer from me. (Poorly) faking a bold attitude, I gave him a wide smile as if to confirm his insinuation and so I began to exit the stable.

But just when I was a few inches away from him, Levi started talking again: "I’m sorry Daphne, I really can’t do this". I couldn’t tell by his tone if he was sad, serious, or almost angry when he said those words. "Me neither, Captain," I told him, showing off the most impassive face I could do, and so I went out, without looking back.

When we reached the others, we set off, riding for a good half an hour. Once we reached an isolated place, we got off the horse and Eld began to explain to us the strategy for the expedition. Our position would have been in the rear. Our only goal was to protect Eren.

"I have reason to believe that Commander Smith is hiding something from us... like a second target of the mission," Eld suggested. "Are you doubting the Commander?" Oruo tried to insinuate. "I’m just saying, there’s a good chance this mission is just a test. A simulation to see if it is possible to reach the district of Shiganshina" Eld declared, instantly interrupting him.

While the rest of the squad seemed to discuss it without much concern, Eren and I were visibly confused. So, I turned around to look for Levi. I needed some reassurance. Meanwhile, he had been on the sidelines, caressing his horse’s mane, enjoying the light breeze of that day. He caught me staring, turned his face and with his lips mimed a "What are you looking at?". _This man..._

Soon after, Eld specified to Eren and me that those instructions were absolutely confidential and no one outside of our squad should know Eren’s position. We both responded with a firm nod.

Back at the base, Levi coldly dismissed us saying: "Well, that’s all for today. If you want to continue your training, the courtyard is at your disposal. Tomorrow, enjoy your day off. We will meet the day after tomorrow, at dawn, before departure. You can go now"

I looked at Levi one last time. _So that’s it? That’s really it?_ I thought.

That night and the whole next day I did my best to escape Levi. At meals, I tried to avoid his table, and I dedicated the day before the expedition trying to make be more friendly with the other soldiers. _"Be more sociable," you said to me that night, right? So, I’ll do my best, Captain_.

After dinner, I was invited by Eren to spend some time together with the other before the departure. The concern for the next expedition was getting heavier and the mere thought of having to socialize more hourse did nothing but make the situation worse. So, I went to the kitchen to get a cup of chamomile tea. I needed to calm down.

LEVI’S POV

I started to believe that castle was haunted for real. That damn kitchen reminded me of those few but indelible memories with Daphne... and yet after a restless wandering in the halls I found myself there again, on the doorstep looking at her as she stared out of the window.

I watched her take the pot from the stove and pour it somewhere, maybe into the cup she supposedly had prepared before. I started to make my way into the room, trying to come up with something reasonable to say to her.

As soon as I got close to her, Daphne turned around. "Captain" she saluted me coldly and then left without adding anything else, holding in her hands the fuming cup. _Say something, you idiot,_ I ordered myself. But nothing came out.

As soon as I realized I was alone in the room a growl of frustration slipped out of my mouth. _Damn it._ But maybe it was a _sign_ for both of us to forget about what happened between us. _Nothing. It meant nothing._

Then, looking up from the ground, I noticed something strange on the cabinet: another fuming cup, placed on a tiny tissue, on which my name had been written.


	11. Stitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a quote from one of my favorite movies with Anne Hathaway. Let's see who finds it. 
> 
> I hope you're all enjoying your holidays, see you next time!
> 
> Warnings: panic attack
> 
> Songs: "Broken" by Lund, "Baby You're Worth It" by Kina, "Lost On You" by Lewis Capaldi (main inspiration)

**STITCHES**

DAPHNE'S POV

"I'm sorry Daphne, I really can't do this". While I was trying to avoid Levi, I kept repeating his words in my head, thousands, and thousands of times again. Neither I could do such a thing. I already knew that one of us would get hurt. And I perfectly knew that would be me.

I already knew I couldn't let myself go with anyone else again after what happened with Alec. I knew exactly how it would have ended.

At the thought of those horrible memories, I immediately felt more confident in my decision.

While I was in the kitchen making some chamomile, I felt that unmistakable, haunting presence behind my back. Accidentally, I had prepared too much water, therefore, as a sign of peace, I thought to leave an extra cup for Levi. Before he could tell me something, I left, hoping that he wouldn't say anything too.

One word from him would have been enough and that wall I had built between us would have collapsed in a second. And still, I could not understand how he had managed to do it. How he had gotten under my skin.

I needed to keep in mind that nothing more would have been between us. _I'm just a cadet. He's the captain._

And above all, soon one of us two could have even died. _Right? Even died..._ But _I_ couldn't allow myself to die yet.

I tried not to dwell on it too much, even if I could already feel a huge weight, like a boulder, shaping on my chest. I went back to the room where Eren and the others were waiting for me. As soon as I took my seat between Ymir and Reiner, I witnessed an animated conversation between Jean, Eren, and Mikasa that made my skin crawl.

"Until a few days ago, you didn't even know this dark reality of yours. And as if that wasn't enough, you're not even able to control yourself..." hinted Jean. "That's true..." Eren replied, keeping his eyes low.

"Well, then our lives and those of mankind depend on Eren. It means that we all risk getting killed without him even realizing it" continued Jean. But soon Mikasa rebutted: "Jean. That's enough. Do you mind explaining to me what is the point of treating Eren this way?".

Without looking back at her, he spoke again: "Hear me out, Mikasa. Not everyone around here is as ready as you are to die for someone just in the name of friendship, you know? We must know what we are called to risk our own lives for. Otherwise, at the crucial moment, we may even hesitate. I must ask him for guarantees. And realize that the risk is worth our life". Then turning to Eren and holding him vigorously by his shoulders he cried out to him: "Listen, Eren, I will fight for you too! Don't disappoint me!"

I don't know what my brain told me at that specific moment, but I instinctively stood up. That boulder on my chest had become unbearable and I had to run away from there as soon as possible. I was going insane. My heart seemed to be running out of my chest, and I only knew one place I wanted to be.

LEVI'S POV

I lingered in the kitchen staring at that cup for I don't know how long. I held the tissue in my hands, turning it and turning it a couple of times more. Then I slipped it into a pocket inside my jacket and brought my attention back to the mug.

There I could read some sort of armistice between us, both unaware of what would have might happen the next day. I could read the sum of the last days since Daphne had arrived here, as parts of that carousel on which we kept chasing each other, without ever reaching or catching each other, but without ever losing sight of one another.

I held the cup in my hands, took a couple of sips, and again that calming and warm taste under my tongue suggested to me I had already savored it somewhere else. _Daphne._ Daphne had that taste. As soon as it became clearer to me, my legs pushed me to go find her, even if just to say her goodbye, perhaps even for the last time.

Running down the main hallway, I heard a murmur coming from one of the salons, therefore I entered there. I figured that if I found those brats, Daphne would have probably been there with them. As soon as I entered the room, they all turned to look at me. I inspected them one by one, but Daphne was nowhere to be found.

"Captain" they all greeted me in chorus. "Daphne," I said, without even articulating a precise question. "Captain, she just left, sir," Historia immediately told me. Without a word, I left by slamming the door behind me and proceeding to her room.

When I arrived there, I didn't think about it twice and I immediately opened the door. I called her name, but nobody seemed to be there. I walked around in circles a couple of times, and then something in my head told me that I actually knew exactly where she was. _Tch, what am I supposed to with you..._

As soon as I arrived on the roof, I found her, crouched in a corner, with her head in her hands. "Daphne?" I whispered. She faintly raised her head, that little much to allow her reddish eyes to peep out. There I could no longer hold myself back and I got closer to her.

Lowering myself in front of her, I said, almost whispering: "What's going on?". She began to shake her head and then stuttered, looking straight into my eyes: "L-Levi... I cannot die". Those words in my head sounded like she had just told me, "Levi, I can't allow myself to die".

Daphne was not afraid to die: she could not die. And I could not promise her that it could have not happened.

I took her hands in mine trying to calm her down, but she kept wheezing uncontrollably and her body trembled relentlessly. Then, staring somewhere between our hands, she mumbled again: "I can't... I can't... I can't breathe". As soon as I remembered a few nights before, in the courtyard with her and Lauda, I immediately knew what I had to do.

I decided to give up my obsessions for a moment and sat on that disgusting roof floor next to her. Catching a tear running down her face with my thumb, I told her: "Hey, listen to me, okay? Follow my voice and try to breathe a little". She slightly turned her eyes and trying to hold back more tears, she faintly nodded.

With one hand I made her lower her legs from that strange posture she had been until shortly before, saying "Relax and look up". Above us the sky that night seemed to have flaunted all the stars of its firmament. The moon was full and its gleam seemed to light everything all around as if it were already morning.

I leaned against the wall behind us, imitating her position and staring at that night sky. Then I told her, stroking the back of her hand: "Breathe in... 3,2,1... Breathe out". She obediently followed my orders, but glancing at her, I noticed that her face was tensed and her eyelids tightly closed.

I told her what to do a couple of times again and then, at some point, I got closer, sitting beside her but now facing her. With one hand I grabbed her face, turning it towards me "Oi. Look at me" I ordered her as she continued to exhale. As soon as she opened her eyes, I said, "You're doing well, Daphne".

At the sound of my voice, her expression loosened up a bit, but her eyes continued to travel impatiently between mine, looking for something to say. And as she tried to regain control of her breath, she secretly reached my hand, which was still caressing her cheek.

At a certain point, she seemed not to bear any longer that constant staring between us and so she rested her head in a spot on my chest, almost close to my shoulder. Having her so close to me allowed me to feel even more the restlessness that her body emanated. I slipped my hand down her back, rubbing delicate patterns along her spine. Then I decided to give her my jacket, placing it on her shoulders.

I hated how much I secretly enjoyed letting her and only her getting so close to me.

Running my fingers through her hair, I asked her: "Better?". With her face hidden, she moved her head still leaning on me, nodding as if to say yes. "Then? Mind telling me what the fuck happened?". She suddenly raised her head. Then looking away, she said: "It's nothing..."

"Yeah, sure". She slightly snorted, then looked at me, undecided on what to exactly tell me: "It's just that heard the others talking about tomorrow's expedition... They all seem so ready to sacrifice themselves in the blink of an eye, instead I...". She paused as if she did not want to tell me the whole truth. I noticed that her body was still shaking. "... I can't".

Then she looked me straight in the eyes: "What it's going to happen, Levi?". I had absolutely no fucking clue about what to say next. "Levi, I cannot die. Not yet. Not before I have saved them...". _I'm sorry, Daphne, I can't promise you anything. And don't ask me to lie to you about it now, because this may be the last time I even see you._

"I'm sorry, Daphne, I can't promise you anything..." I said now out loud "Nor I can go to Erwin and ask him to let you stay here or free you. He would never agree" I continued, but she immediately interrupted me: "I never asked you for something like that".

"I know. Just, let me finish," I said, grabbing her face and bringing her attention back to me: "Listen, if anyone can make it alive tomorrow, that's you. The others may have something to fight for or even die for. But you, you have something to live for. To survive for. Keep this in mind tomorrow." At the sound of my words, her eyes opened wide, in wonder.

For a moment we stayed like that as if suspended, between my words and her big, watery eyes.

I took a lock of hair from her face and then placing it behind her ear, I said: "And if something goes wrong, I'll do anything I can to come and get you". "Levi, don't even say it... I know the mission comes first, so..." she started, but I immediately interrupted her: "Of course. The mission comes first. I said _if anything goes wrong_. So, don't let it go wrong, okay? Are you in, cadet?"

Finally, the tension on her face faded and she managed to give me a half-smile, saying "Yes, captain". "Well, and now..." I started to say standing up from the ground. Before she could protest, I tucked one hand under her knees and made the other one slip behind her back. Therefore, I lifted her, holding her to me.

She clung to my jacket around her, looking at me completely shocked, and then said, "L-Levi, what are you doing??". "It's time to go to sleep. I already told you that you cannot stay up here any time you want. Now, shut up and hold on to me". After giving me a dirty look, she quietly obeyed. She held on to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and resting her head on my shoulder. _Good girl._

On our way down the hallways, she didn't protest. Rather, I could sense her quietly spying on me. But I kept going straight, without saying a word or thinking about it too much.

When we arrived in front of her room, I let her get off of me. I watched her put her feet on the ground: she still could not stand upright properly. I tried to open my mouth, but her quick move caught me off guard: she had grabbed the sleeve of my shirt. Maybe she just wanted to thank me.

"Do you want me to stay a little longer?" I asked her. A brief nod from her was enough, so I went into the room after her.

"I'll run a hot bath for you. In the meantime, don't sit on the bed in those clothes after been sitting on that filthy floor" I ordered her, and immediately she rolled her eyes but didn't bark anything back. When I got back into the room, I noticed she had prepared some clothes for me too and handing them to me she said, "It's a man's pajamas. It should fit you. It was already in the closet when I got here...".

I thought it was of Tom's, the former team leader who used to sleep there. _I don't think I should take it._ _I shouldn't stay here any longer... Even if I want to... Maybe I should..._ But before I could say something, she had already entered the bathroom. Therefore, without overthinking it too much, I started to change my clothes.

As I was about to put the tunic on, Daphne came out of the bathroom, saying: "Listen, Levi..." but she stopped. I watched her as she stood there, on the threshold, staring at me with her mouth slightly open, and at that point, between me and another bad decision stood only that little white towel wrapped around her body.

All of a sudden, she started getting dangerously close to me. "Oi oi oi, Daphne, wait..." I tried to say, when suddenly her fingers found my chest and with an absorbed expression on her face, she asked me: "Levi... What are these signs on your skin?". I tried to distract myself from what that thin piece of cloth could suggest to me of her body and I told her, bringing my attention back to her fingers: "The device's straps. I spend a lot of time in my uniform".

"Levi, don't tell me you sleep with your uniform on..." she worriedly said. "No, Daphne. I don't sleep at all" I replied to her. She looked at me with an unbearable concerned look. Then she delicately moved her fingers on those marks, following the route on my skin, tracing an imaginary line along my chest. I had to do something quickly before that situation got out of my hand.

Against my own will, I stopped her, grabbing her wrist, and then I said, "Hey, if you keep touching me like that, I may think you're hitting on me". I perfectly knew how to piss her off. She looked at me with an angry expression and then went back to the bathroom saying "I'll be back soon".

DAPHNE'S POV

I immediately closed the door behind me. _But what the fuck was I thinking? Touching him like that, so suddenly? After all he had done for me, now I act like that... Get it together, Daphne._ I thought.

I left the towel on the sink and as soon as I was in the tub, a thought caught me unawares. I realized that Levi must have seen me like that, half-naked, with only that piece of cloth on...

Full of shame, I sought refuge in my hands, bearing my face there, as the images of a couple of minutes before passed through my head. I was never used to ask for help, let alone accept it so easily. And yet I found myself once again unable to do anything but get lost under his touch as I returned to breathe.

Before Levi's sculpted torso appeared in my head again, I rushed out of the tub, got dressed, and went back to my room.

He was sitting on my bed with his forearms resting on his thighs, watching the moon out the window. He was wearing the pajamas I gave him, a pair of dark trousers and a simple light linen tunic, definitely too big for him and that let a glimpse his chest- "How are you feeling?" his voice interrupted my flow of thoughts.

I began to make my way in the room towards him, nodding my head and whispering with that little voice I had left in me: "Better".

As soon as I realized I was only wearing my nightgown, I held myself in my arms, embarrassed, again. Levi immediately intercepted my discomfort and reached out to me, grabbing my leg, which was still shaking slightly, to pull me closer to him.

"Why are you still shaking like this?" he asked me, gently sliding his hand up and down behind my thigh. "I don't know... I have a thousand thoughts on my mind, I don't know how to stop them" I said, praying that he would not notice my growing and overwhelming awkwardness. "You should try to get some sleep..." he suggested. "I don't think I could..."

"Well, what is it that still bothers you so much?" he continued. I instinctively turned my back on him. "Levi, you know what bothers me. I want to go back. Back to the Underground. And not only I don't know when I can ever go back, but now I'm wondering if I'll ever really make it back" and saying that, I nervously carried my hands to my face. I felt like ripping my skin off.

He immediately stood up, grabbed me by the shoulder to make me rotate, but I opposed some resistance. I didn't want to be seen again like that. "Daphne" he called me again, pulling me more vigorously. _I don't want you to see me like this_. I felt so miserable.

As soon as he successfully made me turn around, he said, "Daphne, you can't go on like this". "What do you think I should do then, uh? Give up just because you're holding me here?" I snapped. "I don't think you should give up on that. I'm sure that if you go along with this mission, Erwin might grant you a pass or soften a little with you" he tried to comfort me.

"No, Levi. You don't understand. It's not just about tomorrow. It's everything. It's not knowing what's going on down there. Not being there. Not being able to do anything. Not-" I tried to add something else, but suddenly Levi took me by the shoulders, saying: "Look at me" and I immediately obeyed.

Then looking at me dead in the eyes, he added, "You can't go on like this. This thing is eating you up alive. You can't think that you can save everyone. It's not up to you to save everyone. You can try, but you can't think you can have this thing completely under control. You're not their mother. You're you. Think about saving yourself first".

I hated how much I admired him. How I admired his way of speaking to me without ever mincing his word, of always telling me the hard truth, and of always knowing how and when to say it.

All I was good for was to stand there and stare at him, quiet and small in his hands.

"Now try to sleep... Seriously," he continued. I lightly shook my head, nervously massaging my hands. "Look, here's the deal. I will stay here until you fall asleep. I can tell you a lot of boring stuff thanks to shitty four-eyes".

"Levi... You don't have to. You've already done enough. Too much for me. You don't have to help-". I started to say, but he promptly interrupted me, saying: "I _want_ to help you". Then we stared at each other for a few seconds and in our silence, I realized that was the moment when I should have loosened up a bit with him.

I started to approach the bed, then I turned around and saw him getting ready to take his seat in the chair near my desk. I couldn't stop thinking about those marks on his chest sticking out of his shirt. I went out on a limb and said, pointing at the bed behind me, "You can lay here if you want... You never sleep, at least rest for a while. There is room for the both of us". Maybe I had overstepped.

Instead, Levi silently put the chair back in its place, approached me, and then walking past me he laid on the bed, on the side against the wall. I immediately threw myself on him, pulling him by the shirt: "No no no! That's my place! You sleep here". Levi was quite taken aback by my sudden reaction.

He opened his eyes wide and grabbing my wrists, he yelled "What the fuck is up now?". "No Levi, you don't understand! Please, I have to sleep there, otherwise-" I didn't make it to the end of my sentence because Levi immediately threw himself on me, hovering over me with his body and immobilizing my hands above my head. "Why does it even matter??" he asked me while his hair was hanging from above, brushing my face.

I swallowed at the sight and the sensation of his body above mine. His hands were pressing on my wrists tightly but never hurting me and lower, his legs were blocking mine. So, I confessed with my eyes closed, like I was terrified of something: "That's the safe corner of the room. From there, I can control the window and the door".

Then I heard a small laugh and Levi's body falling back on the bed, next to me.

"The safe corner of the room..." he almost laughed, slamming his hand on his forehead, "I noticed some strange things you do, you know. At the cafeteria, when you line up the cutlery or when you enter some room you have never seen before, you immediately take a look around. You count all the windows, the doors and you always keep an eye on them... Now it all makes sense" and then he continued to lightly laugh saying "The safe corner of the room".

Then he turned over, rotating his whole body in my direction and bending his arm so he could rest his head on his hand. He stared at me straight into my eyes for a while and then said to me with a grin painted on his face: "Just rest. I'll keep an eye on the situation, all right?".

LEVI'S POV

Daphne did not make me repeat it twice and after she had adjusted the pillow under her head, her eyes closed slowly. Her body was turned towards me and from that position, I had the perfect view of it. A moonbeam filtering through the window fell upon her, outlining the path on which my eyes walked on her.

After a while, her body had finally relaxed, her legs slightly crossed and her hands had loosened the grip on her skin. Her forehead was now stretched out, and finally, even her eyes seemed to have calmed down behind her eyelids.

That was one of the few times I happened to be able to watch her being so quiet and serene. And I soon realized that never before had I found myself so close to anyone. Physically and mentally. And yet I didn't feel particularly uncomfortable. Indeed, not at all.

Since I met her, Dafne had suggested to me the desire for things I didn't even believe I wanted.

We were so close in the silence of that moment that I managed to focus better on a scent that I seemed to have forgotten on the tip of my tongue. Just to be sure, I went a little ahead. A few centimeters from her face, I slowly inhaled, as if to not disturb her, and there I was sure about it. That was her scent. The scent of camomile.

I figured she used that tiny flower to make some soap, maybe a lotion, or a perfume. I felt like I was spying on her, during one of her little secret rituals.

I closed my eyes to savor some more of it, but at a certain point, I was distracted by a voice. I heard her whispering in her sleep: "Levi... Levi...". So I immediately opened my eyes and noticed that she was still sleeping soundly, but her body seemed to have started shaking and her mouth opened up to call my name again.

"Daphne, I'm here. What's going on?" I whispered. But nothing, she kept on sleeping and moving restlessly. "Oi Daphne" I tried to wake her up once again. Then suddenly I felt her lips brushing mine and calling my name again. With her warm breath on me, it took all my goodwill to not be carried away by the moment, but I was at my limit.

"Daphne," I said, articulating every single letter of her name directly on her lips.

A wide smile was painted on her face and finally placing her lips on mine, for our last, short kiss, she called again my name: "Levi".

I laid my forehead on hers, sighing. Then, sliding an arm under her, I embraced her, holding her tightly onto my chest, as if I were afraid she might suddenly slip out of my hands or run away again. As soon as her body responded to mine, adjusting itself in my arms, from above her head, I dipped my face in her hair, inhaling for the last time that scent, as if it were a lullaby that I now knew by heart.

I allowed myself to stay there a little longer. Then, as promised, when I was sure that she had fallen into a deep sleep, I left her one last mild kiss on her forehead and so I went away. _Whatever happens tomorrow, at least we had today._


	12. The 57° Expedition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year folks! ❤️ I hope you are staying safe and healthy through these strange times...
> 
> Warnings: it's the 57° expedition... you know the drill
> 
> Songs: "I Found” by Amber Run, “Rise” by League of Legends, The Glitch Mob, Mako, The Word Alive, “Way Down We Go” by KALEO.

**THE 57° EXPEDITION**

DAPHNE’S POV

_I didn’t know how long I’d been running but at that point, I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. All around me it was pitch black and I couldn’t see a thing. But I knew I needed to run, and fast. Creepy sounds echoed alternating with loud thuds all around me. I didn’t have a clue of where I was or where I was going._

_The thuds suddenly became heavy steps and an unmistakable evil laugh roared from behind my back._ _“The master,” I thought. And soon after I could recognize in between those strange noises coming all around me, my sisters’ cries and screams. “I can’t take this anymore…”. I was out of breath._

_I turned around, and in the darkness, I started to identify something, like a pair of feet… bare and giant feet. A fucking titan was now chasing after me. “What the fuck is going on??” My master’s laugh soon turned into an animalistic grunt coming from that beast. I kept running as fast as I could but I really couldn’t take it anymore._

_The only thing that came into my mind at that moment was a name, four letters: Levi. I started to repeat his name like a spell, or a prayer as if it could make all of the fear disappear. As I kept running, I turned again to see if that monster was still chasing me. Of course, it was. Its heavy footsteps echoed all around giving me chills. “Levi... Levi” He was all I could think of._

_I turned to focus better on my run but I suddenly bumped into something. Well, someone._

_“Hey, little marathoner, where were you running so fast?” I heard him saying as he caught me by the shoulders to stop me. “Levi…” I whispered still panting, almost out of breath, as soon as I recognized him. “Were you looking for me?” he said, softly smiling._

_He rarely smiled like that, however, I felt like I had seen that expression just a few minutes before. In my bedroom, right? But now… Where did I end up? And where was the titan?_

_I faintly nodded in response and glancing all around I noticed I was in the middle of a meadow, it was probably noon and Levi was right in front of me._

_“Levi…” I said again, instinctively getting closer to him, resting my forehead on his. He squeezed my shoulders, deeply inhaling and then whispering, a few inches from me: “Not here”. He paused and silently stared at me. Then his husky voice resonated between us again: “Let’s go inside first. I’ve been waiting for you for so long, Daphne”._

_At the sound of his words, I leaned closer, kissing him softly. “Levi” I whispered once again, smiling back at him. I couldn’t help myself: I felt so safe, rested, in peace. The chase was over._

The military alarm suddenly woke me up and rubbing my eyes I started to realize I was back in my room, in my bed. And alone. I extended one arm, brushing the cold sheets beside me. He must have been gone for a long time … He was there yesterday night, right? I didn’t imagine that, right?

I got closer to the spot where he had supposedly rested, awkwardly thinking about what to do. I felt so fucking childish… _How old am I? Twelve??_ In the solitude of my room, I secretly inhaled the sheets: that unmistakable cool scent was still there and seemed to temporarily refresh my thirst for him.

I couldn’t linger there anymore: the sun was rising and the expedition was about to start. Even though I would have given anything in exchange for another couple of minutes just to roll myself in what remained of him, I really needed to go get ready.

Stretching my body, I realized there was a blanket over me. _I don’t remember putting this- Levi_. I immediately imagined what must have happened after I fell asleep. _How long did he stay? Was he feeling uncomfortable? Did he catch some sleep too? Did I do something stupid while sleeping?_

But there was not enough time for my silly questions…

I got up and rushed into the bathroom, trying to wash away those thoughts and images while I quickly got ready for our mission. Once I was done, I looked at my reflection in the mirror: “You better make it out alive today”. “ _Yeah, so you’ll please your dear captain…_ ” said a voice in my head. “Stop it” I threatened, aiming my index finger at my reflection.

_“We both know those weak walls of yours are already crumbling down, you little liar. Let’s see how long will you keep up this tough face”_ it spoke again. “Shut up” I growled. “ _If you don’t kick the bucket today…”_ it teased me. “I said shut up!” I screamed, looking furiously at myself, and almost drooling. 

I had to survive.

I got back to my room and rapidly dressed up. I looked around to see if I was missing something and that’s when I saw it: his jacket, placed on my chair. I took it in my hands, admiring it, and caressed it carefully as if it was made of glass. _He must have forgotten it last night…_ Lost in my thoughts, I was brought back down to earth by a knock on my door.

Once I opened it, I found Levi on the other side, with his arms crossed over his chest, impatiently beating his foot on the floor. “G-good morning, Captain” I greeted him 

“Were you looking for this?” I playfully added, handing him his jacket.

“Yes,” he promptly replied, grabbing it from my hands and then wearing it. 

“Well, how are you feeling today?” he asked with his usual unfazed tone.

“Better, thanks…” I quickly replied. He only nodded and slightly moved his feet as if to leave. Luckily the hallways were still empty, so I seized the moment and I told him:

“Hey before you go… I wanted to thank you for yesterday night… I hope I didn’t bother you much-“

“No, You didn’t,” he said, completely unfazed. _He is so unreadable_. “However, I really owe you one…” I added. Fixing his ascot, he said, looking at me dead in the eyes: “Survive the expedition. That would be enough for me”. 

At the sound of his words, my eyes opened wide and my lips slightly parted, wanting to add something, anything. But we were soon interrupted by a loud voice shouting: “Good morning, everyone!”. 

Hange greeted us, coming from behind Levi, and vigorously patted his back, almost making him lose his balance.

“Do you wanna die before the expedition, idiot?” he immediately attacked her. But she literally ignored him, walking past him and heading towards me.

Mike was right behind her and as soon as he got closer to us, he started sniffing soundly. I looked at him with a big question mark painted on my forehead. _What the fuck is he doing??_ He got closer to Levi, then he glanced at me, squinting his eyes, and sniffed again in my direction.

“Four-eyes, keep your stupid dog away from me,” said Levi, annoyed.

But Mike soon walked away, murmuring: “I swear I smelled pheromones”. 

I swallowed loudly trying to maintain my composure, while nobody else seemed to mind his words as much as I did. Like Hange, who quickly took me under her arm like she hadn't even heard him. As we started walking down the hallways, she asked me: “Well? Are you ready for today?”. I looked up at her and I confidently answered: “Yes. 100 percent”. “Excellent” she proudly added, escorting me out of the building, while Levi was silently following us.

When we arrived at the stable the area was already packed with most of the soldiers.

Soon a familiar voice called out my name, so I turned around to see Petra waving at me. I quickly walked towards her, greeting her back. 

“Here. Take this sack. There’s something to eat before we go” she said, softly smiling at me. I looked at her and almost blushing I thanked her. After all, she had always been nothing but kind to me.

We all jumped on our horses as the rest of the soldiers arrived at the stable and soon after we departed. We were all lined up with our respective squads. When we were ready, Levi ordered Eren me and: “The newbies behind me”. Then there were Petra and Oruo right behind us and Eld and Gunther after them.

Once we reached Karanes’s gates, we headed out, initiating the 57th Expedition outside the walls. Riding fast through what remained of a village I was taken aback by the desolated view. The difference between Karanes’ district and those ruins was beyond devastating, even for me. But soon, the sound of heavy steps on our left brought me back on track. 

A titan was approaching us. A 10-m class. 

At its sight, I immediately felt my blood boiling inside my veins and a violent urge to defeat it. _I can do it._ As I reached the blade on my right side, Levi quickly tilted his head and told me: 

“Don’t fuck around and stick to the plan”. I looked at him furiously: once again he was right. But I felt so restless, so impatient. I wanted to do something. Therefore, I bit my tongue and turned my focus back on our course. Soon the support team reached the titan and fought against it until it collapsed on the ruins of what was once a house.

Continuing to ride, we were now on an open field and at some point, a green smoke ignited the morning sky. And then another one and another one. Levi immediately ordered Oruo to fire one to inform the others about our position, while we continued riding non-stop. 

Everything was going as planned. 

Suddenly a black smoke bomb ascended straight into the sky. _An abnormal_ , I thought _. I don't foresee anything good_. But soon my attention was captured by Levi’s calm voice who called me and commanded me to fire another black smoke. “Yessir” I promptly replied as I shot it.

After a while, we reached a dense forest. No lookouts with us, just wagons. The situation was getting weird. Eren suddenly seemed to voice everyone's concerns when he called the captain and asked him for an explanation. Levi quickly shut him up, ordering him and all of us to keep going, without asking any other dumb question.

We continued to proceed and from Captain Levi there were still no orders. _What the fuck is going on?_

I tried to bite my tongue, but I wanted so badly to jump on Levi’s horse and punch him until he gave us orders. The waiting was literally killing me when suddenly another black smoke lit up the sky. Behind our backs, unnervingly heavy steps started echoing and increasingly getting closer. 

"Get ready. It's coming," Levi finally said, and at that moment, right behind us, a titan with feminine features appeared and began to chase us relentlessly. I'd never seen a titan run so fast. I’d never seen many titans but I could already tell that that one was on another level. But Levi continued to stay silent and proceeded straight ahead, without adding anything else. 

In the meantime, behind us, some companions were dying trying to defeat the titan and the concern of the rest of us continued to grow in the silence of our captain. Among us, Eren was shaking in uncertainty, when at a certain point he brought his hand right in front of his mouth as if he wanted to bite it and transform himself.

Petra immediately intercepted his move, trying to stop him, but she was soon interrupted by the impassive and cold tone of Levi, who, turning to Eren, said: "You're not wrong. Do it if you want. Now choose... Honestly, I do not know what to recommend. Whether you rely on your own strength or even those of your mates, no one can predict the final result”.

I couldn’t help but squeeze the reins hard, my eyes widening as I listened to his words. 

Then he continued: "So, in any case, remember that the important thing is to never have any regrets". At that point, he turned back to focus again on our route, but he soon glanced at me, slightly rotating his head in my direction, like he wanted to address those words to me too. 

_No regrets_. 

At that moment I realized I had so many. And too many of them involved him.

Petra tried to persuade Eren, telling him to trust us. He was obviously swayed by her words after the captain’s speech. Therefore, he decided to give up, tightly closing his eyes as he tried to repress his anger, as he kept riding fast, staying true to following Levi’s orders. Never looking back. Never having regrets.

At some point, a loud noise of shots caught us by surprise as thousands of harpoons were now blocking the massive figure of the titan right behind us. Levi immediately ordered us: “Further ahead, tie the horses and move on to the three-dimensional movement. Now I have to proceed alone. I entrust the command to Eld. Protect Eren, at any cost”.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out, soon realizing I couldn’t tell him anything at that moment. He never turned. He never gave me the opportunity to look at him one more time, as he proceeded ahead. _Levi._

We positioned ourselves on a tree thanks to our devices and awaited (not so patiently) for new instructions. At one point, in the unbearable silence of the wait, Eren blurted out: "This was the plan from the start, wasn't it? But apparently recruits like us didn't deserve to know the details of the expedition, did they?" 

Oruo silenced him immediately: "How boring you are." And then Petra proceeded to defend the division commander and Levi. But Eld soon broke off their bickering: “I think there is a precise reason why the commander didn't trust us. Among us there must be someone else who can become a titan or a spy who collaborates with the enemy”.

Oruo immediately gave me a dirty look, so I fiercely stared back at him. Eld blocked him with an arm before he could do something stupid, saying: “The captain trusts this girl. And so should you. Or are you doubting our captain, uh?”. He was mimicking Oruo’s words from a couple of days before, during our survey, making him feel like a hypocrite.

“The spy is the same person who killed Sawney and Bean. That's for sure” Eld continued, finally averting any suspect on me. Yet the situation remained the same. We were there, on those branches, waiting to know something, while we had been kept in the dark about the truth of that mission.

I couldn't help but think about where Levi was at that moment. Yet I had complete faith that he would get away unharmed. 

Then Eld told Eren: "It will soon be clearer to you why the Survey Corps have been entrusted to Erwin Smith" and immediately Petra added saying: "And also consider the faith that Captain Levi put in him". Levi's words from the night before came back to my mind: Erwin would never allow me to go, nor would Levi ever disappoint or fail him.

At a certain point, we were all taken aback when the retreat smoke bombs painted trails in the sky. I couldn't believe it. Was it really over? "Come on, let's go and see who was hiding inside that fucking beast," said Gunther urging us to go.

_It's over_ , I thought. _It’s really over. I made it_. 

Eren and I immediately exchanged a knowing glance, trying to hold back our enthusiasm while we were setting our devices, but Oruo immediately came to ruin our little party: "Cool down, brats. A mission ends only when you get back inside the walls, is it clear?”. 

“Yes, I know that very well” promptly replied Eren.

I hated when Oruo tried to poorly imitate Levi. He wasn’t even half of him.

We were hurrying through the trees with our devices when another smoke bomb appeared in the sky not far from us. Gunther promptly said: "Captain Levi certainly fired it. Let's hurry up and join him!”. Soon after Petra rushed to shoot another smoke bomb to signal our position to Levi.

_Levi_. I sincerely couldn’t wait to see him again. And at the same time, I couldn’t stand that childish wish of mine. 

Finally, a uniformed figure made its way towards us through the trees. Could it be Levi? But Gunther answered my thoughts, shouting: "Here is the captain!" and soon approached him. But I felt that something was wrong. The person who was making his way through the trees seemed to point fiercely towards us, still hooded and ... as I got a better look, he didn't look like Levi at all.

I tried to yell, "Gunther wait!", But it was too late. Gunther made contact with the alleged captain and was suddenly thrown away, spinning around in his own harnesses, lifeless. And before we could chase it, that hooded figure had already disappeared from our sight.

A roar exploded behind us, giving off a blinding light. Eld shouted: "It's the spy! That’s the titan's guest! Here it comes!". I turned quickly, finally seeing the monster appear behind us, running like a possessed towards us.

_Levi, where the hell are you?_

Eren looked over his shoulder, staring furiously at the approaching enemy, but immediately Eld stood in front of him saying:

"The three of us will take it out of the way!" Then he turned to me shouting, 

“Daphne get Eren out of here! Go back to the Headquarters!”. Eren and I opposed shouting in unison: "No way!”. Then I added: "We will stay here and we will fight!".

But Eld replied without the slightest hint of hesitation: “I'm in charge now. And these are my orders! Now get the hell out of here!”. Soon Oruo added: "Look, we can do it by ourselves" I turned around to soon meet Petra's eyes, and she nodded to me and then whispered, "Go, please."

I bit my tongue, thinking back to Levi's words and I decided to make a decision, hoping not to regret it. What Eld ordered were also Levi’s orders. 

Therefore, I grabbed Eren by the collar pulling him away with me in the direction of the Headquarters, shouting behind me:

“I want to see you all safe and sound! That goes for you too Oruo. I’m the only one who can beat the shit out of you!”.

"Yeah, sure, keep dreaming, girl" he replied laughing. And so, we left.

As we proceeded, Eren couldn't help but look back over and over to check on the fight of our companions, but when I decided to turn around too, I witnessed the worst of the scenes. 

They had managed to corner the titan, after having repeatedly hit it and blinded it. But suddenly the monster, which had hardly recovered, caught Eld, Oruo, and Petra by surprise. They fell victim to the titan, one after the other. Right before our eyes. 

A blade seemed to pierce my chest.

In a split second, I felt like I could witness images of the last days with them intertwining with what I imagined must have been their lives before, their victories, their expectations, their regrets. And a silent rage started to spread all over me. 

My eyes were still glued on the titan, while my legs unconsciously continued in the headquarters’ direction. That rage soon became a fire and at that moment I knew what needed to be done and I was surprised at the ease with which I came to that conclusion. But all I’d done was to just remember myself what my mission was about. And my mission was to protect Eren, at any cost.

And most importantly, I would rather have died before I had left Eld, Gunther, Petra, and even Oruo’s deaths go in vain.

To be honest, it all happened in a snap: all I could think of was my thirst for revenge.

Eren began to scream furiously at the titan, as Oruo's body fell, lifeless from its jaw. So, I decided to push him away, turning to that monster, ready to sacrifice myself in a blink of an eye. But suddenly I felt someone vigorously throwing me away. 

The last thing I remember is Eren, his bloodshot eyes and him shouting at me to run. A roar, a blinding light, and then darkness. Nothing.

LEVI’S POV

I tried to hurry. I had to get back to my squad as soon as possible. I had to know they were all okay. That the brat was safe. And that Daphne was still alive.

Making my way through the trees as fast as possible, I began to hear loud rumbles and disconnected noises from afar. Before long, the worst-case scenario appeared before me. The lifeless body of Gunther and further ahead was Eld, Oruo, and Petra perished against some trees.

I flew over them to ascertain they were truly dead. I don’t know what was going through my mind at that moment. Perhaps nothingness, like an abyss. Maybe all or too much. Too much to the point that I couldn’t do anything other than proceed in silence. 

As I advanced, I noticed something familiar hanging from a tree. Another body. Another soldier. _Daphne_.

_Please, no_.

But approaching her, I noticed that her body was slightly moving. _Tell me that you are still alive_. As soon as I reached her, I tried to pull her up on a branch. Her cape was stuck, and looking at her, she must have just knocked her head somewhere. Holding her body close to me, I started calling her.

She kept moving her head. She was definitely alive. I tried to get her hair out of her face, and so I called her again: "Daphne! Say something!". Meanwhile, I gave her a quick look, searching for wounds or bruises, but there seemed to be nothing. Luckily.

She seemed to recover slowly and as soon as she opened her eyes, she widened them, and then clinging to my jacket she whispered, "Levi... Eren... The titan... Petra... the others-". 

I could only nod my head to make her understand that I already knew everything. Then I asked her: "What happened? How did you end up here? And where is Eren?". 

Looking around, as if lost, she said: 

"We were going back to the Headquarters when Eren shifted and... I don’t remember anything else from that point. I think I banged my head somewhere...". As soon as she realized her own words, she squeezed my jacket even harder and shouted: 

"Eren! Eren has transformed and attacked the titan!" Then, clumsily getting up, she told me: "Hurry up, we can still get them".

"Listen, Braveheart, you might have a concussion, hold on to me and let’s go," I tried to tell her, pulling her by the cape, but she soon objected:

"No, I can do it on my own". _How fucking stubborn you are._ And that being said, she began to fly in the direction where she believed we would have found them. Therefore, I followed her without protest.

_As long as you’re alive…_

Still flying, we started to glimpse a titan. Only one. And soon after, on our left, we noticed something else between the trees: another soldier. So, Daphne shouted: "That’s Mikasa!". We immediately approached her: 

"Cadet, where the hell do you think you’re going?". 

"Sir, the titan has captured Eren, it keeps him in its mouth!" she answered. 

There was no time to waste, so I ordered them: "You two, distract it. I’ll recover the brat". Fortunately, Mikasa and Daphne were among the best cadets still left, so they managed to hold off the titan, without getting killed, hitting it repeatedly in strategic points.

I caught it by surprise and once I cut off his jaw, I rushed to recover Eren. We failed to kill the titan because of the hardening technique it possessed, yet, after all, the mission was accomplished. Eren was safe.

But the worst was yet to come. 

The amount of lives lost created what felt like a walk of shame as we entered back into the city, igniting an internal anger within me. Daphne was a few feet away from me, pulling the reins of her horse and some of our fallen comrades. She had her eyes fixed on the ground as she tried to keep up with the soldiers in front of her.

I didn’t know what to tell her. I didn’t even know what to tell myself.

Meanwhile, Eren was lying in a wagon to my left. I glanced at him to see if he had recovered. He nodded at me, distraught at our defeat, and then whispered to me something that stuck in my head all night. 

The more we walked, the more I realized there was a piercing pain in my chest and along my legs, especially at one of my ankles. Even Hange had noticed my slight limp and as soon as we were in front of the headquarters, she threw herself on me, shouting that I must see a doctor or something. 

"Leave me alone, four-eyes," I told her in my usual tone. I really didn’t want to see anyone at the moment, let alone a doctor. So I walked away without saying anything else and made a beeline to my room. I removed my harness and my uniform, feeling like I had taken off a massive boulder off of my shoulder.

Under the flow of water, I was surprised by a river of thoughts I could not cut out of my head. I thought of my companions, Petra’s father who had approached me on the way back, Eren’s words, and Daphne.

Seeing her hanging there with her life on the line shook something within me. Something I couldn’t quite label. And I probably shouldn’t. She was alive and that’s all that mattered.

My thoughts were soon interrupted by that unbearable pain and there, under the water, I noticed there was a deep wound on my chest and that my ankle was slightly crooked and swollen. When I was done with my shower, I went straight to the bedroom with the medical kit to try to fix myself. 

But at some point, someone knocked on my door.


	13. This ravaged village is my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, there is a poem by Giuseppe Ungaretti, one of my favorite Italian poets. The original title is "San Martino del Carso".  
> He mainly wrote between the two great wars of the twentieth century, so I thought he was quite a fit for the occasion.  
> I like to think that Levi could definitely be one of his readers.
> 
> I really hope you like this one... Let me know! you next time!
> 
> Warnings: A bit sad, a bit steamy, a bit angsty, a bit spicy. If you are afraid of needles, read carefully. 
> 
> Songs: "War Of Hearts" by Ruelle, "Close To You" by Rihanna, "Outro: House Of Cards" by BTS

**THIS RAVAGED VILLAGE IS MY HEART**

DAPHNE’S POV 

  
  


The silence on our way back was unbearable. By then the thunder of boots that rang as one on the ground had turned into a distant and vague thud. Almost an inaudible, dull sound. As we ploddingly proceeded like empty shells, citizens began to appear from out of their windows, murmuring and shaking their heads in disbelief.

I didn't dare to look up. I couldn't hold their gaze.

Sorrow, humiliation, inquietude, blind anger, and a thousand other emotions seemed to get the better of me. Glancing around, it didn't seem like my comrades were handling the situation any better.

Once we got to the headquarters, I walked over to the wagon where Eren was resting. Beside him, Mikasa had been keeping an eye on him the whole time. I gave them both a simple nod. My lips were pressed into a thin line, behind which any words of thanks or condolence remained mute, still hanging in my now completely dry throat.

Proceeding towards the main entrance, I witnessed from afar a heated discussion between Hange and Levi. I didn't understand much about it, but I soon saw the captain push her away and go straight into the building. He was limping and his hands were curled into stiff fists.

As soon as Hange noticed me, she reached out to me, shaking her head. With a concerned tone, I asked her what had happened, and placing a hand on my shoulder, she said: 

“Please, later try to check on him.” I nodded, unsure if he even wanted to talk to anyone. Let alone me. 

Honestly, I was dying to see him. Not yet knowing what to tell him or how to approach him at all after the expedition. The thought alone of confronting him made me sick. I didn't have the courage. What could I ever tell him in such a situation? How could I ever help him? I could only imagine what was going on in his head.

Halfway between the hallways and my door, I had almost completely stripped down, taking off my uniform and the rest. I tried to reach the bathroom as soon as possible, hit by a sudden nausea. At the sight of the toilet, I could no longer hold back.

I felt my guts squirm and at the push of the last retching, I let myself fall to the ground. On that cold floor, I realized how miserable and lonely I felt. How lost. That thought alone had been enough to convince me. I wanted to see him, to know what had happened to his legs, how he was doing and all. I had to see him.

I tried to wash as quickly as possible. Under the water, I noticed some bruises and cuts on my arms and legs, nothing serious. No medication was actually needed. And luckily, despite the light concussion, I seemed to feel quite fine.

Without overthinking it too much, I put on my nightgown, but only once outside my room, I realized that perhaps it would be quite inappropriate. After all, Levi was my superior. 

_Who cares. Like he gives a shit about what I’m wearing…_

I knocked, not knowing what to expect behind that massive door or whether to even expect something. _He probably would like to be left alone..._ But I didn't want to give up right away, so I knocked again. But nothing. Again, but still nothing. _One last time, then I swear to God I’ll-_

Just as I was about to knock again, the door swung open, revealing a figure completely immersed in the gloom of the room behind it. _Levi._

There he was. His hair was untidy and still wet - perhaps he had just gotten out of the shower -, his eyes tired, his jaw set, his torso barely illuminated by the dim hallway lights, his muscles tense, one hand on the door and the other pressed on a gauze on his chest. Lower he was wearing his pajama pants only, carefully shortened on one leg, enough to reveal a tight bandage around his ankle.

A view that could break your heart as much as take your breath away. 

Literally. I was suddenly unable to spell a single word or even remember why I was there in the first place. Luckily, Levi relieved me of the embarrassment of taking the first step, just calling me by my name: 

"Daphne." The low pitch of his voice seemed to resonate through the space all around us, filling it inch by inch. And I swear I had even felt it running within my bones.

Six letters and I was already lightheaded.

He hesitated to add more, waiting for my reply. All I could do was to faintly open my mouth, unable to articulate anything reasonable. 

"What are you doing here? You should be resting by now.”

I don't know what was wrong with me at that moment, but I couldn't stop staring at him. To be more specific, I couldn't take my eyes off his chiseled chest, and off whatever he was hiding under that gauze. I unconsciously advanced and when I was only a few inches away from him, I took his hand, moving it from his skin to reveal a deep wound.

“Levi…” 

Overstepping the doorframe, I was now completely inside the room. Levi sized the moment to close the door behind my back with his free hand and at that point, we were alone in the darkness, just a step away from each other. 

I could sense his eyes looming over me as I inspected his wound. 

“Levi, this looks bad… Let me help you. It's the least I can do for you after yesterday... and today too actually…”

“I’ve already told you that surviving the expedition would be enough. We're even.” he said, grabbing me softly by the wrist. I sought his gaze in the gloom and stepping forward, I said with a thread of voice:

“Let me just help you.” He let go of my wrist and as he turned his back on me, he said:

“The medical kit is in the other room”. Therefore, I followed him into the darkness of what looked like an office, _his office_. He opened a door at the end of the room, on the right side, revealing his bedroom.

Everything was exactly as I expected it to be: simple and extremely neat. 

The room was decorated with nothing more than the essential. A wooden headboard was placed against the wall on my left, at its sides two small night tables, and in front of it, about a meter away, stood a large double door wardrobe. To my right a completely bare wall with a solid wood door right in the center. _His bathroom_ , I thought.

Almost all the light came from a large window on the left, precisely aligned between the bed and the wardrobe, while a small candle on one of the two bedside tables illuminated a box. _It must be the medkit he was talking about._ Once I saw it, I took it and ordered him: 

“Sit on the bed”. Oddly enough, he silently obeyed.

Levi patted on a spot on his left, and silently following his instructions, I made my way to the bed. Twenty-four hours earlier I would have bitten him if he had tried one more time to gesture me something.

I sat and tucked a leg under me. Without wasting any more time, I observed the kit, searching for something useful to treat the lesion with. Then I took Levi by the shoulders, making him rotate in my direction since his wound was on his right side, a few centimeters from his collarbone.

As I sanitized my hands, I pondered upon what to do. He had already stopped the bleeding, but a couple of stitches were definitely needed; the injury was long and deep.

Meanwhile, Levi continued to stare at me as I began to clean up his wound. All of a sudden, in a single move, he took me by the hips, lifting me and placing me on his lap. Then he said, 

“You’ll have a better look on it from here.”

“L-Levi, your legs ... Don't they hurt you?” I nervously stuttered sensing the bare skin of my thighs against the fabric of his pants. I was suddenly aware of how short and thin my dress was.

“I can’t fight a titan right now, but I think I can handle this.” and as he said so, he pointed his gaze to my thighs. I tried to divert his attention, changing the subject, and returning to his wound.

“Whatever. I'll be quick.”

“Take your time." he murmured.

While I was cleaning his wound, Levi had stayed religiously silent. But after a while, he said: “You did well today.” 

“I don't think so…” I immediately replied. 

“Why? You're still alive.” he said looking for my gaze, still fixed on a spot between the edges of his wound.

_“You’re still alive. You survived. Even. This. Time. You little scum. You survived and they didn't.”_ That voice in my head started haunting me. 

But it was right. After all, if it hadn't been for Eren, I would have probably met the same fate as Petra, or Eld, or anybody else. I still didn’t dare to share my thoughts with him. When I tried to reach for the disinfectant in the kit, Levi blocked me with his arm, saying, like it was an order: 

“Look at me, Daphne.”

But I ignored him, trying to extend my arm past his. With just one hand, he suddenly grabbed my jaw, forcing me to turn to him. His piercing eyes moved impatiently between mine as if he were looking for a clue to my silence, inspecting the deepest depths of my soul.

“What is it, uh? Don't tell me you think you didn't deserve to survive?”

I tried to stay still, returning his intense gaze, without saying anything. Still unable to confess, I was on the verge of a break down: in his presence, I always felt like an open book. Easily readable. Inevitably clear.

Suddenly his grip on me became stronger and his tone darker and tense. His voice sounded almost like a growl as he spoke through his teeth, “Do you think you didn't deserve to be alive in the place of my squad? In place of valiant soldiers like Eld ... Gunther ... Petra ... and even Oruo?”

“Stop it …” I abruptly cried, looking away and freeing myself from his grip. I jumped up and massaged my jaw as I walked away. I was about to leave when Levi spoke again:

“Did you really think I wouldn't find out?”At the sound of those words, I felt obliged to turn around.

“Eren told me everything,” he said as he stood up from the bed. 

“That you two didn't want to leave. You didn't want to leave them alone” He took a step forward. 

“That Eld opposed, imposing his orders on you. And that you decided to follow them.” Another one further. 

"That when you saw them die, one after the other, _you_ were ready to go and fight it." he said, taking another step until he was now right in front of me. A few inches away, he whispered, warming up my skin with his hot breath: 

“You did what you had to do, Daphne.”

I remained motionless, digesting his words and his looming proximity. Sensing my silence, he slowly stepped forward, and brushing his lips on my ear he said: 

“You know what? I think all this has nothing to do with the expedition”. Then he moved to the other: 

“I think it's just your unswerving guilt.” So he went back to the other: 

“It has nothing to do with having accomplished the mission or not. Or not even with surviving the expedition. No...” Then he returned to the other side, this time pronouncing every single word as slowly as he could: 

“It's the guilt of not having been able to save someone you cared about. Again...” Then he brought his face back right in front of mine 

“Now tell me. Am I wrong?"

If there had ever been butterflies in my stomach, by then they had probably all burned alive by that sudden rage I felt flare up from within. Caught by that blind anger, without even realizing it, I impulsively grabbed him by the neck, applying solid pressure on it, not enough to choke him, but just enough to hurt him, even a little. 

So I pulled him in, to the point where our noses touched, and gritting my teeth I warned him, 

"Don't think you can talk to me like this just because last night I was crying in your arms, Levi." 

He continued to stare at me almost impassively, unblinking as if my fingers were nothing around his neck. On second thought, his eyes looked so empty. So tired. I would have said even so deeply sad.

Let's be honest, he could have freed himself from my grasp in a second, and yet he didn't. Then bringing his jaw forward, almost caressing my lips, he opened his mouth to say, 

“Go ahead. Squeeze harder if it makes you feel better.”

I inhaled deeply trying not to completely lose control and kill him on the spot. But still, I couldn’t loosen up my grip on him.

Seeing me waver, Levi stepped even further, pushing me with the weight of his body against the wall behind me. As soon as I felt the chill of the bare surface on my back, I saw his arms rising. His fists were now positioned at the same height as my head on the wall, while his neck was still between my fingers.

“Do you think I don't feel that way too? That guilt? Do you think I wouldn't have given my life for them? We all feel that way. Every. Single. Time”

At the sound of his words, my arms fell helplessly along the sides of my body.

What the hell got into me all of a sudden? Until a few minutes earlier, I had arrived there with the best of intentions. I wanted to help him, I wanted to be by his side… And now? Now I was almost choking him. I had to calm down as soon as possible.

We both needed to calm down. After all, we were both exhausted, powerless, and incurably grieving.

_Calm down, Daphne_.

I rubbed my eyes furiously as if my fingers could flay off the tremendous frustration I was feeling at that moment. I swallowed all my pride, even though it was almost impossible for me to bear the fact that Levi had read me so easily. It was almost humiliating.I sighed and finally looked up from the ground. Instinctively I raised my hand to reach his neck again. I let my fingers slide slowly as if I could gently trace the word _sorry_ along his skin. I had crossed the line.

Lower, his wound had started to bleed again, so with one hand, I guided him back to his bed, straddling him again. Then I said with a thread of voice: 

“Let’s just get this over with.”

We stayed perfectly silent as I started working on his wound all over again. 

As I leaned over my right to take the disinfectant in the kit, I felt Levi's hands brush my skin, working it’s way up my thighs to my back. In a very specific point: not too high, not too low, just a few centimeters before it could have gotten awkward. I quickly eyed him, but he defended himself, saying: 

“It's just to keep you from falling.” I involuntarily rolled my eyes and then added: 

“Anyway, hold still, this may hurt.” So I applied the product, but Levi never flinched. When I was done, Levi spoke again: 

“Farlan and Isabel... I saw them die during my first expedition. We were just a bunch of kids from the Underground. We weren't even supposed to be there. They didn't have to die there. And I didn't have to survive there.” 

Then he paused.

“But I did… Daphne, this thing never gets better. Each expedition is like a Russian roulette and you just have to keep your fingers crossed until the very end.”

“I'm so sorry Levi…” I could only add. Who knows how he must have felt at that moment.

Then, after I had sanitized my hands, knowing what a clean-freak I was dealing with, I took a needle and thread. But before proceeding, I found the courage to tell him: 

“Sometimes I just think I’m not suited for this life. Not even for that little freedom I’ve experienced the past three years in the Underground after Martha had freed me... I feel like I've been in survival mode throughout my whole life.”

I almost hesitated before speaking again.

“Sometimes I feel like I can't take this anymore. And other times I can manage any situation without any problem... As if there was another person within me that takes my reins and saves my ass every single time... I do not know how long I will be able to endure. How much suffering and death I will still have to witness before I crumble down…”

I was at my limit and my tone had become definitely quieter as I continued: 

“Or maybe it's just the fact that you are humanity’s strongest soldier and I am a simple girl from the Underground.”

Placing a hand on his chest, I could feel his heart pounding faster and faster at the sound of my words and his hands on me sinking their grip, dipping into my skin through the thin layer of cloth.

So we found ourselves staring at each other, again, in silence. That emptiness was becoming unbearable when I decided to bring my attention back to the wound, saying: 

“I should get you something to bite while I sew your-” But holding me still on top of him, he assured me, 

“It won’t be necessary. I can bear it.”

“I know, _tough guy_ , but this is really gonna hurt-”

“I’ve just told you it won’t be necessary.” Looking at him closely, he seemed quite serious, so I decided to proceed, reemphasizing: 

“Ok, but stop me if it hurts.” I felt a light pressure on my back as the needle sank into his skin, but after the first knot, I sensed his grip loosen and his hands began to gently stroke me with small circles on my back.

“Of these houses nothing remains but the rubble of a ruined wall…” he said as the thread formed another knot on his skin. 

“Of the many who were so close to me nothing remains” a little pause “not even that.” I tightened another knot. 

“But in my heart not one cross is missing.” another one.

“This ravaged village is my heart.”

By now I was done with the sewing and looking carefully at those four crosses on his skin, perfectly aligned with his wound, I felt his words make their way up to my eyes, where one after the other they pooled on the very edge of my eyelids. Like dew after a long humid night.

I looked up, hoping to manage to say something.

“It's a poem I found in Erwin's bookcase…” he added.

“Levi…” I feebly said, trying to steady myself with a hand on his shoulder. Those words had made me dizzy.

Suddenly he pulled me closer, squeezing me tighter and enveloping me completely, while I felt my body almost melting against his and my robe shifting in his hands.

“You don't have to endure or overcome pain. You just have to keep going, Daphne. The fact that you are still alive does not make you a villain, but a survivor, a fighter.”

I did my best to hold back my tears. I wanted to show him that I was truly listening to him, that I had listened to every single word of his since we met. Sensing my discomfort and looking me straight in the eyes, he added: 

“Time is not on our side... But if you learn to treasure every second you’re granted, the world will be yours. Do what you think is right and never look back. Never have regrets.”

I returned his gaze and sighing, I nodded. Then I stretched out my arm over his and took a gauze to cover the stitches. Still tied in his grip, practically glued onto him, I naively asked: 

“So you really don't have any regrets? Not even one?”

“One or two.” he said roaming his eager gaze from my eyes and to my lips. And vice versa. Restlessly.

His hands silently slipped along my hips and then squeezed me, as if he wanted to hold me even closer to him when the space between us had already completely vanished. I felt my breath shorten and my back instinctively arch as he aligned me with his hard-on, gently pressing me on it. 

Despite his tired eyes, Levi's nostrils were wide open like those of a wild animal in front of its prey, sighing heavily and looming over it. An ache grew within me, shaping a stinging line from my belly down to my legs. At that point my hips could not stay still, grinding almost imperceptibly on him.

A thick fog of suspended breaths had materialized in those few inches between our faces, as we inhaled and exhaled, with our mouth wide open, impatiently waiting for one of us to take the first step. The one who was ready to surrender and lose.

  
  


LEVI’S POV 

  
  


My hands were literally itching because of her. All because I selfishly wanted more of her. 

Her figure perfectly molded onto mine; we were like two long lost pieces of jigsaw now reunited. I scanned every inch of her body in front of me with my breath, never touching her. Then swallowing thickly, I confessed: 

“Daphne, when I saw you hanging from that tree today…”. I sighed trying to pull myself together “ The fact that you are alive is more than enough for me…” Then I went back on her face. Resting my forehead on hers and cupping the back of her head, I murmured: 

“But just say the word…”

I felt almost as if I were sinking into my bed when she whispered back: 

“Please.”

  
  



	14. Seven Devils

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: third-person omniscient point of view, explicit sexual content, some fluff in the end if you squint
> 
> ⚠️ IMPORTANT NOTE, PLEASE READ ⚠️
> 
> In this chapter and the whole story, there will be no mention of any contraceptive method. Remember guys, this is just a fanfiction. Please, do your research and stay informed about sex. Use your condoms, take your pills, take your tests, go see a doctor, protect yourself, protect your loved ones, your one-night-stands, your friends-with-benefits, your whoever, and stay healthy.
> 
> If you need anything, keep in mind that my dms are always open. Take care. Ok, now you’re good to go... Enjoy.
> 
> Songs (highly recommended): “If You Let Me” by Sinead Harnett (ft. GRADES), “Seven Devils” by Florence + The Machine, “Can I” by Kehlani (ft. Tory Lanez)

**SEVEN DEVILS**

Twenty-four hours earlier, Daphne would have backed off, prey to her thousand hesitations, her past, and her incurable fear of tomorrow. Twenty-four hours earlier, Levi would have limited himself to watching her from a distance, firm in his decisions, constrained in his captain's attire. Now, only thin layers of doubts, breaths, and clothing stood between them. Even their skin felt like a cage from which to escape.

“Please.”

But those six letters were more than enough for Levi. _Please._ A word as docile as a prayer, in a whisper as urgent as a plea. He immediately captured her lips in his, eager as if starved for more, roaming his hands all over her, trying to put a stop to that insatiable longing, to that itch that he couldn’t seem to get rid of. Daphne surrendered and let her body be completely subjected to his touch. Labored breaths, restless hands, heated skin, lips connected, tongues dancing around each other.

Trapped in his grip, she could feel his growing ache under her, his urgent need stirring his pants, twitching every time she grinded on him. That’s when she believed she heard a voice in the distance whispering for her to act, to finally take control, a voice coming from somewhere hidden deep within her. She gently pushed him back, smirking up at him, watching him still panting. His hands were now gripped on her backside, eyes fixed on hers, when she started drawing lazy patterns with her fingers along his shoulders, collarbone and chest, gliding down his torso and finally on the hem of his pants, outlining his now evident bulge. She tilted her head, as if to ask for his permission. Levi could only manage to swallow, bobbing his Adam’s apple in pure misery, allowing her to effortlessly slide his pants under him. He tried to steady himself with his hands on the mattress as he carefully watched her tracing tempting lines along his free shaft and then rising it, now holding it between her fingers. He gasped sharply and shivered when she passed her thumb over his tip. At his sudden reaction, she tilted her head again, quite dumbfounded.

“Nobody has ever touched me… there. I’ve never-” he suddenly confessed through his teeth, not able to finish his sentence.

If there was one thing that Daphne had learned from the brothel was never to hurt or question a man’s ego in a delicate and intimate moment such as that, especially a man as proud as Levi. After all, there was nothing wrong with that, but she was definitely surprised, or more precisely, intrigued by his confession. If anything it just made her bolder and now able to seductively whisper,

“Let me take care of you, Levi. Just relax.”

At the sound of her alluring, sweet voice, he felt hopelessly unarmed, defeated, the weakest man of all.

He would have never imagined that something so filthy could look so beautiful. So mesmerizing he couldn’t help but stare at her in complete awe. Her eyes focused on his aching erection, her lips slightly parted, her hands wrapped around him, dripping with precum, as she stimulated him nonstop, stroking his tip with her palm at every twist and turn. His stuttered breath suggested to her he was close at that point. Moistening her lips, Daphne stepped back, sat down on her heels, and slowly spread his legs, as his pants fell down at his ankles. Positioning herself in between, she glided her hands up to his legs, coming back to her main goal. Her mouth moved inward reaching him again, teasing, kissing, and licking his length. Driven by pure frustration, Levi sighed and cupped the back of her head, grabbing a fistful of hair. But little did he know he was right where she wanted. At his limit.

Naughtily smirking, she suddenly shoved him inside her warm, wet mouth, making him squirm, flex his legs and tighten his grip on her, as she brought him to sweet, blinding oblivion; sucking, slurping, and twisting around him. Soon after, he was quickly brought back to Earth when she whispered against him,

“Cum into my mouth.” Levi blinked,

“No way. That’s d-”

She looked up at him, with the most serious expression she could pull.

“That wasn’t a suggestion, Captain,”

Steady tone, eyes locked on his.

“That was an order.”

Levi was already well-aware that as soon as her lips found his stiff skin again, he wouldn’t have been able to hold back. But those words just made him go ballistic, more than pleased to execute that order. A deep groan escaped him, making his chest vibrate when her tongue brushed his tip again. He immediately filled her mouth with warm, thick juice. His cock still pulsing and throbbing as she kept twisting and pumping her lips around him, trying to get as much as she could out of him.

Once satisfied, Daphne slightly leaned back, a trickle of saliva glistening from her lips, soon seductively retrieved by her tongue as she proudly eyed him. An immense, crushing, boulder suddenly fell from Levi’s back. Steadying his breath and wetting his dry lips, he believed he could see clearly again. His gaze was now absolutely lucid. His mind was full of all the things he wanted to do to her. Looking again down at him, Daphne noticed a tiny drop still on his edge. Recovering it with her thumb and getting closer to him, she seductively murmured:

“Aren’t you curious to know how good you taste, Levi?”

But he soon twisted her wrist, pointing her thumb to her mouth, which instantly opened, allowing him to shove it inside. As she sucked it slowly, twirling her tongue around it, he whispered back, looking her dead in the eye:

“I’ll gladly taste something else.”

Her eyes widened and her mouth instantly dried out. Levi seemed to have already gained his imperious facade back when he ordered her:

“Stand up.”

She helplessly obeyed, as if under an unknown spell, completely taken aback by his fast recovery. Still sitting on the bed, Levi let his hands glide along her thighs as he kissed her skin with pure devotion, making his way up from her legs to her torso, silently slipping her robe off of her. Standing up in front of her now almost completely naked body, he saved a second for himself, just to ingrain the image of the view into his mind, completely bewitched by her ravishing beauty. When he lifted her, securing her legs around his waist, she gasped and murmured:

“Levi, your legs...”

“Oh, so the cat didn’t bite your tongue” he promptly teased her, maneuvering her arms around his neck. He didn’t give her the time to respond and immediately crashed his lips on hers, kissing her even more passionately than before. As she adjusted herself under his greedy touch he led her to the bed; laying her down, never moving away from her, not daring to break off that kiss. When he pulled back and stepped between her thighs, Daphne was suddenly showered by pure embarrassment, realizing that no man had ever gone down on her. Her job was to please, never the contrary. 

As he traced hungry kisses and bites down her body, from her neck to her belly, mapping and savoring her warm skin, she instinctively propped up on her elbows, staring at him with a worried expression. Levi sensed her move and immediately directed his gaze up at her, probably figuring it all out on his own. Apparently, that wasn't the first time just for him. Guiding her back down on the mattress with just one hand, he ordered,

“Down.”

The girl beneath him was still a mystery. A few moments before, she was nonchalantly fighting titans, or choking him, or teasing him until he reached his point of break, and then in the blink of an eye, she looked so helpless. Like a lost, scarred doe. At that point, Daphne tried to say something, but his sudden touch on her soft thighs made her tremble, unable to spell a single word.

“Relax. Let’s see if your body is as talkative as you usually are.”

She couldn’t help but twitch every time his lips caressed or kissed her now extra sensitive skin, slowly reaching her sex, covered by her drenched lingerie only. Her eyelids fluttered down when she felt his fingers hooking the hem of the fabric. But he soon made her ease when he breathed against her “Relax.” leaving a soft kiss on her skin.

As soon as he got rid of her panties, Levi lifted her legs over his shoulders, pulling her closer, smirking at her sudden and sharp gasp. He raised his gaze and once he locked his eyes with hers, the raven-haired man started kissing and teasing all around her entrance, never going in, silently climbing her thighs with his hands, making her squirm and beg for him even more. Her chest dramatically rose when his lips finally met her core, his tongue tracing up and down on her folds, circling in motion, slowly reaching her center, where he finally entered with one, perfect, sharp lick inside.

At the brand new sensation, Daphne let a deep moan escape her mouth, clenching her muscles around him. Never breaking his eye contact with her, his pupils widened as he felt his tongue tightened by her warm walls, being able to only imagine how it would feel around his dick, once again hard because of her. He kept licking, flicking and twirling his tongue, sucking her even harder, like a man on a mission, more than determined to fulfill her deepest fantasies. Silently, his hand raised around his mouth, moving in unison with it, brushing her sensitive contours. His nose grazing against her clit as his tongue was now replaced by one, then slowly two of his slender, skilled fingers. At that point, she couldn’t stay still anymore.

“Fuck.” she whimpered.

Curling and aiming his fingers at her sweet spot, he kept pleasuring her, moving accordingly to each of her cries and quickened when he clearly heard her calling his name through her teeth as she tossed her head back, in bliss. Moving his mouth inward, he grunted against her wetness, savoring once again that sweet taste of hers he was by then completely addicted to.

“Oh, fuck,” Levi heard again coming from her, which just encourage him to increase his speed even more.

Dipping his free hand on her flesh, he breathed, still inside her aching cunt: “Cum for me.”

Her whole body tensed as his words hammered against her weak walls, making her crumble, unable to hold herself back any longer. All she could manage to vocalize was a low moan which vibrated throughout her skin, reaching his mouth. Levi nodded and hummed into her wetness, feeling her getting close to her climax, until she finally came, riding out her orgasm, bucking uncontrollably her hips against his face, huffing and puffing. When her panting slowed down, he gently pulled back, sliding his fingers out of her and unexpectedly bringing them up to his mouth, tasting as much as he could of her still warm liquor.

Daphne blinked at the mesmerizing sight in front of her. Levi, the almighty Captain Levi, completely naked, kneeled between her trembling legs, his piercing eyes still locked on hers, his hard shaft almost aiming at her, as he sucked her juice from his digits. She was eye-fucking him so obviously that at some point Levi asked her “See something you like?”, mimicking one of their first encounters in the HQ’s kitchen. She slightly nodded, licking her lips now parted in awe, scanning every inch of his figure. Levi lowered himself, looming over her, reaching her face and whispering, his tone smoother than honey:

“Just tell me. You just need to tell me what you want.”

She immediately attacked his lips, trying to suffocate her arousal into his mouth. But he soon pulled back.

“Tell me, Daphne.”

“Please,” she could only manage to say, fluttering her eyelids as if scarred by her own desires.

“We both know that little mouth of yours can do way better than that.” he teased her, then ran his tongue along her bottom lip, making her jaw drop, her eyes and her mouth open wide.

“I want you to fuck me, Levi. Please, fuck me.”

Her desperate plea was just music, perfect music to his ears.

“Good girl.”

Levi leaned down to kiss her once again, as he eagerly grasped her breasts, massaging, pinching her stiff nipples with his fingers, then lowered his mouth down on them. Alternating his tongue with his touch. Restlessly.

Daphne just stared at him, her lower belly clenching, her bottom lip quivering, her hands squeezing the sheets beneath her. She suddenly gasped as she felt his shaft grazing her core when Levi bucked his hips on hers. He looked up at her face, dilated pupils, swollen lips, fully enjoying her reaction as he kept grinding on her until she cried again:

“Please…”

This man was such a tease.

She even tried to reach down on him, but he immediately caught her hands, pinning them both over her head, saying:

“Patience is a virtue, cadet. A virtue I know you don’t possess.”

Daphne could only gulp.

Still holding her wrists, Levi attacked her lips again, as he silently aligned his erection with her wet, sensitive cunt. Soon after, he let a hand slid down to his aching shaft, slowly grazing his tip against her, making her moan into his mouth. Daphne placed her free hand on his nape to steady herself, fingers sinking into his undercut while he kept teasing and teasing her until he was the one no longer able to wait. All of sudden, Levi broke the kiss just to intensely stare at her, aiming at her entrance as he ordered her:

“Look at me.”

The girl immediately obeyed. As soon as he slid inside her wetness both their jaws dropped, their breaths suspended for what felt an eternity until he filled her up completely, letting them both noisily exhale. Levi started with slow, slick thrusts, adjusting himself inside, still utterly entranced by how warm and comforting she felt around him, clenching and begging for him. He quickly glanced down, spying how he was rhythmically disappearing inside of her at each thrust, savoring how perfect it felt, how that wasn’t enough anymore.

Soon after, he glided an arm under her, embracing her body as he sped up, maneuvering her hip and leg with the other one, studying her, listening carefully to her little whimpers and swearing, and looking for the best spot where to slam the next thrust. He wanted more. To have more. To know more.

As he pounded her gradually faster and faster, stretching her out, kissing her deeply, Daphne thought she was hallucinating. She thought she had really lost her mind when she saw her seven devils, her seven deadly sins all around her, her past, her inner self showing up before her. Ready to be exorcised, once for all, by the most sinful act of freedom.

If that were her last night on Earth, she would have waited for the dawn with no regrets.

Daphne could not believe her eyes, could not believe that sight, Levi above her, inside her, breathing heavily in unison with her, as if he were everywhere around her and she couldn't, she didn't want to escape him.

Levi still didn’t know how it was possible, how that girl had entered his life, penetrating his mind in an instant, searching thoroughly the most hidden corners of his soul, and pulling out things that not even he could expect.

A sudden crack from his ankle brought Daphne back to reality and made her eyes open wide. With a quick, precise move, tightening her hold around his waist with her legs, never letting him slip out of her, she managed to switch their positions. Now on top of him, she teasingly said:

“My turn.”

He growled deeply as she immediately started to ride him back and forth, lowering herself only for a quick kiss, then coming back up, allowing him to finally enjoy the view. She was just breathtaking. Just a perfect fucking sight.

Cursing, breathless moans, and the sound of skins slapping against skins completely filled the room.

Daphne tried to stay focused on her moves: the new angle and full exposure to him made her body almost unsteady, her skin crawl, her head tilt back in bliss a couple of times, but never made her lose eye contact with Levi. She was still totally in control. Beneath her, Levi wanted to kiss her, to touch her, to have her under his control again. But as soon as his hands glided from her thighs to her hips, trying to manipulate her thrusts, she quickly guided them up to her breasts, massaging, pleasuring herself with his fingers, as she wished.

Levi rose from the mattress to reach her mouth again, kissing her deeply, alternating her lips to her breasts. When he felt her walls squeeze him tighter, by then so close, so impatient to cum again, he brought his hands back down, cupping her glutes, guiding her in those few final strokes. Once they both reached their climax almost at the exact same time, they moaned in each other’s mouth, shivering and panting as they slowly rode out their peaks.

At that point, Levi collapsed on his back, still holding Daphne tightly in his arms. When they found the mattress, huffing and puffing, they couldn’t stop staring at one another. As if they couldn’t believe the pleasure, relief, and bliss they had just gifted each other with. Lips parted, skins connected, sweat dripping down their bodies, his cock still twitching inside of her.

After a couple of minutes, Daphne laughed between her unsteady breaths, allowing Levi to finally relax and sink his head back into his pillow. She lifted her hips slowly, allowing him to gently slip out. Then she rolled next to Levi, still enveloped in his grip, and rested her head on his chest, her temple against his clavicle, as they both tried to slow their breathing.

They stayed there for a while, in that absolute silence. Heads still buzzing, sore squirming bodies, one glued to the other. Sated and satisfied.

At a certain point, Daphne looked up at Levi, who was quietly contemplating the ceiling. She was immediately taken aback by his proximity, by his handsome features which she could now study up close. Clearing her throat and pulling herself back together after a solid couple of minutes, she murmured: “I need to use the bathroom.”

He childishly frowned his eyebrows and squeezed her tighter. He wasn’t ready to let go of her.

“Not to be rude, but… I really have to pee.” she said giggling, just to take the edge off.

He lightly curled his lips upwards, allowing a soft smile to escape his mouth, and then just nodded, loosening his grip on her. Levi decided to stand up from the bed with her, pondering what to do with the mess they made out of it.

“Cum and sweat on your sheets. This really must be your worst nightmare.” lightly laughed Daphne looking back at his bed.

Levi kept for himself and himself only the thought that not even his wildest dream could compare to that. So he just glanced at her as she walked towards his bathroom.

Now all alone in that room, Daphne crushed her back onto the wall, trying to recollect what had just happened. Speechless. She was just speechless. Looking at her own reflection into the mirror, she couldn’t help but caress her swollen lips, still able to savor his unmistakable aftertaste inside of her mouth. Her mind spinning, her body naked and vulnerable, her legs soring. She was a mess. But for once, a happy mess.

“Hey, ehm... Can I take a shower?” she asked, peeping out of the door after a while. Levi had just finished removing the covers from his bed when he said, “Wait for me.” That being said, he quickly made his way over to her, dropping the sheets into a basket.

“E-Excuse me, what??” she stammered trying to cover herself, suddenly realizing she was still completely naked. Levi crossed his arms over his chest and leaning against the jamb a couple of steps from her, he said: “First of all, it’s a bit late to act this prudish, don't you think? Second, it would be a waste to take it separately and last time I checked I hadn't become the king yet.” and as he walked past her he added, “So, cut it out and jump in.”

Levi sat in the tub and started to turn on the water, but Daphne was still standing in the doorway, staring at him quite stunned. When he turned and motioned for her to get in, she humored him without further protest.

As soon as she approached him, he guided her legs in a spot between his, making her sit down, enveloping her with his body. Luckily, Daphne's face was turned towards the small window above the tub, otherwise, Levi would have noticed the slight reddish mist that had just painted her cheeks in embarrassment.

He led her back onto his chest as he grabbed a bar of soap and gently started rubbing it all over her skin. She felt almost like dozing off, as she melted into his embrace, under his careful movements. She had never let anybody get this close to her, take care of her.

When they were done cleaning each other in their silent agreement, Levi let his body lean back against the wall of the tub, hanging his arms on its edges. Daphne followed him, resting her back onto him, her head on his chest, carefully avoiding his wound, and her hands on his bent knees.

After a while, the incessant dripping of the tap almost disappeared as their voices started to fill the room, echoing against its humid walls, when they nonchalantly started talking. In all fairness, the conversation was mostly carried out by Daphne’s curiosity, but Levi didn’t mind answering her questions, more than pleased to open up a bit more with her. Sincerely enjoying her company, her body gently pressed against his, her sweet voice resounding all around. With time his brief and monosyllabic answers became longer and more articulated. He was probably getting used to how talkative she was, often drifting away with his mind as he passed his hand between her hair, twirling her locks between his slender fingers.

They talked about everything and anything, about their favorite blends, types of wine, foods, and other stuff, recalling the starvation they both experienced in the Underground. Daphne even discovered Levi’s true age. He was slightly older than her but definitely more than she thought. His charming beauty seemed ageless.

They kept talking and talking for more than an hour until their hands started to wrinkle. At that moment, it seemed like beyond those walls nothing else existed, that time was meaningless. As if the past, the last tragic twenty-four hours, and even the uncertainty of the next ones had just disappeared. They felt like the last two souls left on Earth.

“I know this may sound very childish of me, but I would never have thought you were still a virgin.”

“How come?” he teasingly wondered, secretly curious about her conclusion.

“Well, because you’re… You’re…” she stammered.

“I’m what?” he promptly asked, sticking out from her shoulder, trying to make her feel uncomfortable.

Daphne instantly avoided his look and bit her lower lip trying to find the right words to not embarrass herself in front of him. After a few seconds of pondering, she came out with: “I mean, you’re a soldier, a captain, Captain Levi…” she tried to explain “And besides that, you’re… objectively a handsome man.” she proudly declared.

“Objectively…” he lightly laughed repeating “Objectively… You’re quite a strange character, Daphne, you know?”

When she slightly turned to face him she was quite taken aback by his soft look. His tired eyes, his smooth pale skin, his reddish cheeks, his hair still a mess because of her. Then she shyly added:

“I-I would have bet that you would have all the women you wanted…”

“Mmh” he just hummed as he pulled her back against his chest, making her turn again, and rested his hands over her belly. Then moving closer to her, brushing his lips over her ear, he whispered:

“But none of them ever really struck me.”

His words instantly silenced all her stupid thoughts and insecurities, finally realizing where she was: in his chambers, in his tub, tighten in his arms. Intentionally one glued to the other. So she let herself sink into his embrace, lightheaded by his allusive words.

Then he continued: “You’re not entirely wrong, though. There was a time when I was popular with women. It frequently happened that girls around the Underground tried to casually hit on me or even kiss me out of nowhere. I didn’t like it. Not in the slightest. I hate people invading my personal space.”

“I kissed you out of the blue once. So you must hate me too.” she teased him.

“Twice.” Levi corrected her.

She raised her eyebrows, and snapped “What!?”.

“The night before the expedition. In your bed. After you fell asleep, you kissed me. But don’t worry, I don’t hate you for that.” _Not at all_ , he thought.

Daphne tried to piece together her memories, coming rather quickly to the conclusion that what she dreamed that night might have something to do with that. Trying to not be caught red-handed, she questioned him again: “So no one?”.

“If you really want to know, you are the first woman I kiss of my own free will.”

“Oh...” she vocalized, definitely surprised.

“Well, to be honest, I must correct myself. There was that one girl…” but he paused, naughtily waiting for a prompt reaction from her, that never came. Daphne stayed still and genuinely encouraged him:

“That one girl…? Carry on.”

He hummed, still suspicious.

“So? What is it?” she added.

“Nothing, I just thought you would react.” he immediately replied.

“I’m already surprised you didn’t have as many affairs as I thought, what should I be? Jealous about something that happened only God knows when? C’mon.” she laughed.

Levi was rather pleased with her mature answer. She deserved to know the rest of the story. But before he could add something else, Daphne confessed: “I-I just wanna know. I wanna know more about you, Levi...” and then started moving her fingers on his leg beside her, drawing imaginary patterns. “What was your life back then? Or even just the day before we met…”

His lips slightly curled into a faint smile as he started to speak again:

“All right… So, about that girl… One night, Farlan and I were at this bar, drinking beers and playing cards. At some point, I lose and the penalty is to kiss the cute barista that has been serving us all night long. Therefore, since I'm a man of my word, I walk towards her, ask her if she is okay with it, and just kiss her. I must admit she was a gorgeous and polite lady, but I never saw her again. And, to be completely honest, I've never been too interested in this kind of thing.”

Daphne listened carefully, chuckling as she imagined the whole scene. Captain Levi was Levi before that. Levi was more than just the almighty Captain of the Survey Corps. A boy from the Underground, who she would have loved to meet at least once when she was younger.

“Then I joined the corps and since then I’ve always felt too busy to even think about that,” he added, spying her pleased reaction to his stories from above her shoulder.

“Understandable… So, let’s say only that cute barista.” she stated.

“Only that cute barista.” he repeated.

“I’m sorry, it was quite rude of me to point out this thing, but believe me when I say I was just sincerely curious…” she added. Then rotating her body between his legs, now facing him, she childishly begged him: “Tell me another story, pleeeease”

Levi tilted his head back and sighed. Then coming back in front of her, he said: “Only if you behave.”

Daphne immediately raised her eyebrows: “Hey, with all due respect, sir, I behaved beyond my own expectations. I did everything you all asked me to do. I tried to escape just once. I punched Oruo just once. Well twice. I-”

“I know, I know, but I think that's enough for today.” and that being said, he let his hands slide down on her hips, pulling her up, making her sit on top of him.

Daphne was completely caught off guard by that move and her frowning expression immediately fell into a more innocent one. But as soon as she felt him silently grinding under her, she instinctively leaned down to his face, a few inches away from him, her hands resting behind his head on the edges of the tub, noses just about to touch.

“Are you sure you’ve had enough?” she whispered.

That night Levi saw her pupils dilate almost unnaturally, an abyss form right in the center of her iris, something buried now awaken within her. Something that probably not even Daphne knew about herself.

“No.”


	15. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First thing first, thank you all for almost 1,8k hits, this is insane! 
> 
> Second, I want to give a shout-out to Hailey, for her love and support to the story. She’s an angel! If you’re into Haikyuu! I suggest you go and read her stories on Wattpad, you can find her there as Daelune. Probably some of you are here thanks to her tiktok, so welcome guys!
> 
> Warnings: a bit steamy, a bit sad, the usual
> 
> Songs: “Perfectly Wrong” by Shawn Mendes, “Insecure” by Brent Faiyaz ( I think this song is exactly what is going on inside Daphne’s/your head rn), “Teacher’s Pet” by Melanie Martinez (when DaddyErwin arrives).]

**SCARS**

DAPHNE’S POV

“Are you sure you’ve had enough?”

Tracing his thumbs over my ribs and lowering his gaze to my torso, Levi firmly said “No.” and my bottom lip quivered in anticipation. I instantly felt something unfamiliar, something wicked growing in my lower belly, something I had to suppress as soon as possible. I could see the same lust swimming around Levi’s eyes, but the dark shadows beneath them, the gauze over his wound, the scars, the signs, and all the bruises all over his skin talked more loudly to my conscience than my selfish yearning. We both needed some rest.

I sighed and moved away from him, leaving him quite puzzled. I stood up from the tub, removed his firm grip from my ass and smirked at him as I stepped out. But he was faster than I expected. Levi instinctively followed me out of the bath, caught me, and turned me to face him again, pushing me against the wall behind me. Then his lips found my neck, eagerly gliding down my throat, following the line over my pulse.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he breathed against my heated skin. I almost didn’t catch his words, his lips barely lifted from me to spell his sentence out. He gently pulled my torso toward him as he slid down, exploring every inch of my skin. Again.

At the same time, one of his hands was firmly pressed on my waist while the other one was down on my thigh, lifting it up and securing it next to his side. My shoulder blades were now pressed against the bathroom's wall, my hands loosely placed over his shoulders, my eyes closed, my mind completely somewhere else.

_No. We need to stop. I need to stop this… This is wrong. So wrong. What are we even doing?_

I swallowed thickly trying to pull myself back together.

“Levi, we… You should rest-”

I couldn’t even manage to finish my sentence as I felt his fingers lightly pinching my nipple, then gently cupping my breast, and his face slowly climbing back up to mine.

_He looks so tired._

“You should go to bed now” I sweetly whispered, caressing his cheeks with my hands. His face immediately lifted and a wide smirk curled his mouth.

“Say less.” he murmured.

That’s the last thing I remember about that night. Even now it feels like, when his swollen lips met mine again, everything just went in a blur of sloppy noises and imprecise memories. We clumsily rushed back to the bed, not even minding to put some new sheets on, landing on the bare mattress, one pressed against the other. We probably did it again, at least once. Only the adrenaline kept us going, but at some point I think we just passed out.

In the middle of the night, I woke with a start. A biting heat was scratching my throat, my mouth was completely drained, my body almost did not respond to my own commands, and my eyes refused to open. Once I faintly lifted my eyelids, I finally realized where I was. And most importantly, who I was with.

Lying next to me there was Levi, still sleeping soundly. Who knows how long he hadn't slept like that. His arms were still lazily wrapped around me, his chest swelled and deflated slowly with each breath, his forehead was flat and relaxed, his lips barely parted. I would have stayed there forever just staring at him.

I felt so small, so vulnerable on that bare mattress, and yet so calm. A thin thread of moonlight casually traced his contours and all I could do was silently contemplate him. If I had had the strength, I would have once more run my fingers through his silky dark hair, which now hung messily over his temples.

I would have stayed there forever.

I would have stayed there even forever if I hadn't felt that sudden bang inside my chest. _Badum._ Like a hammer knocking unexpectedly against my ribcage. _Badum_. A toll that became almost deafening in the absolute silence of that night. _Badum_. It was the first time a man had made me so small, so vulnerable. _Badum_. But I think I knew that feeling. _Badum_. It was the same thing I felt during the expedition, when the only thing I could think of was Levi and how badly I wanted to see him again. _Badum_.

I didn’t know what that was exactly, but it scared me to death.

 _“Oooh, you know what this is. You know it already, little liar. You felt like this even yesterday when you were looking for him everywhere, so desperately, so foolishly.” Badum_.

_“You felt like this when he helped you calming down.” Badum._

_“When he kissed you the first time.” Badum._

_“When he let you talk about your stupid past.” Badum._

_“Even when he was just looking at you from a distance.” Badum._

_“You’ve been feeling like this since the very beginning, you foolish little girl.” Badum._

_“So why don’t you stay? Stay. Linger between your dear captain’s arms a little longer.“ Badum._

_“Stay. No really, stay.” Badum._

_“It won’t make much of a difference at this point.” Badum._

_“Ruth is dead.” Badum._

_“Abigail hates you.” Badum._

_“Nina would hate you too if she only knew all the blood that ran through your hands last year.” Badum._

_“Stay.” Badum._

At that point my heart was racing so wildly in my chest I almost believed it was about to wake Levi up, but probably only an earthquake could have disturbed his sleep in that state. I did my best to slip out of his arms as silently as possible, dragging my weary body off the bed, crawling, and looking for my clothes. Then I creeped out of his room, limping back to mine.

Time was not on our side, he was right. Nothing was on our side. People like Levi and me can be content with letting down their guards for one night and one night only. I would have stayed forever, but not in this life. The new day would eventually bring clarity to the stupid mistake we both made that night. He would have done the same in my position. Or at least, this is what I tried to tell myself as I curled up in my blankets, crying myself to sleep.

The next day I instinctively got up to the sound of the alarm and dragged my body into the bathroom like an automaton. I felt like throwing up. My bowels were literally upside down.

Then, opening the wardrobe to take the uniform, I came across my reflection. Almost complementary to the battle scars there were now faint bruises where Levi must have exerted too much pressure the previous night. I stared at them for a couple of solid minutes, not even daring to touch my own skin. They were the clear signs that what happened between us couldn’t be washed away that easily. But I was determined to find a way to erase them. To forget about him and get back on track. He wasn’t part of my plan, nor I would have allowed him in. Ever.

_I'm going to earn my freedom on my own, legitimately this time. In a way or another._

Anyway, that morning eating was out of the question. I could barely bring myself to drink a glass of water at that point. On top of that, just the thought of seeing Levi made me already sick. Therefore, I decided to skip breakfast and go straight to the medical wing of the HQ. I knew I could be of service and my first aid skills were definitely needed after the expedition.

I kept myself busy all day, helping injured soldiers and filling reports. Hours dragged on pretty easily. I was so caught up that I even forgot about lunch. I was going around like a spinning top. But as always, the Lady Luck was not cooperating that day. Still kneeled beside a soldier’s bed to change his gauze, I suddenly froze. From a distance I heard the nurses greeting someone, saying things like: _“Captain”, “Captain, welcome”, “How are you feeling, Captain?”_

I hoped and prayed with my eyes closed they were talking to another captain. Spoiler alert: they weren’t.

Chills ran down my spine when, lifting cautiously my eyelids, I saw Levi sitting next to another soldier’s bed, right in front of the one I was taking care of. He wasn’t in his uniform, just regular clothes, his expression looked neutral, his shoulders less tense than usual.

He lingered there for less than five minutes I think, holding that man’s hand and talking to him with such a low tone I couldn’t catch a single word. That soldier’s conditions were pretty bad, I was told he was about to die and I assumed Levi was there to talk to him or just to say goodbye. I secretly imagined their conversation as I tried to stay focused on my patient. In the meantime, I foolishly believed Levi didn’t even perceive my presence, but when he stood up and walked past me, everything was suddenly crystal clear.

He knew I was there. He perfectly knew. It took a single, brief glance to express all the disappointment and disgust he was feeling toward me. Just one.

How I missed his old unreadable face.

I gulped and brought my eyes back on the soldier I was treating. I knew I probably hurt Levi, or maybe just his ego, but I didn’t expect that sudden nausea to grow again in my stomach.

_I shouldn’t feel bad for him. I should feel bad for myself. Also, I only did him, us, a favor. A big favor. He’ll forget about me pretty soon. Stop thinking about him and just move on, Daphne. You made the right choice. No regrets, right?_

When dinner time arrived, the nurses were practically forcing us all to take a break and go eat something, but my stomach was still upside down. As I was on my way to my bedroom, rhythmically exerting a little pressure on my biceps to relax a little, I sensed an arm hooking mine. _Hange._

“Excuse me, Miss, where are you going? The food is in the opposite direction.” she said, softly smiling.

“I don’t really feel like eating right now…” I tried to evade her look.

“Are you unwell? I didn’t see you at breakfast, nor at lunch… Is everything okay? I mean, I know the expedition was rough and all-” she started to say, increasing the speed of her voice.

“No, no.” I interrupted her. “Don’t worry Hange, It’s just that I’m not hungry.”

“But you have to eat something. What about soup? It will warm you up a little if you’re not feeling well.” she suggested.

I sighed noisily, then just nodded. There was no way I could escape her. Hange always had her ways to convince people.

Luckily for me, there was still no sign of Levi when we entered the room. In the cafeteria, the air was tense and everyone was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The few who were chatting kept their voices low, the others were just staring somewhere on the floor or the table as they silently ate.

Hange and I took place with her fellows. It was so strange to not see Petra, Eld, Gunther and Oruo around. Even though I didn’t know all the soldiers I could feel those who were missing. I could feel an unbearable void.

And of course when I thought I was safe, suddenly Levi arrived. His unfazed facade was back on and he was still visibly limping.

_I wonder if he changed his gauze this morning… Daphne, no. Don’t even try the nurse card now. Please, try to be professional._

As usual, he took his seat right in front of me, didn’t greet anyone, didn’t say a single word. Didn’t look at me. Not even once. _Better, much better than that death look from earlier. Do not look at me. Do not talk to me._

“Finally! Levi, I didn’t see you at breakfast and lunch either. Where were you all?” Hange told him.

“Either who?” he calmly asked.

“Well, not even Daphne showed up. I’m just glad we are all here now. Together.” she sadly sighed.

I sensed Levi’s head tilting in my direction, but his eyes were still somewhere else. He probably had figured we were both trying to avoid each other. Or maybe I was the one making assumptions. Maybe it was just a coincidence.

“So, how are your legs?" Hange continued.

“Yes, Captain, how are your legs?” I imitated her with an unbothered tone, eyes fixed on my spoon as I raised it to take a sip.

“That should be my line.” said Levi.

I almost choked at his words, coughing and blushing visibly. _This fucking asshole. So is this the game we’re playing now?_

Hange immediately turned toward me, rubbing my back and asking me anxiously: “Did something happen to your legs too? Are you hurt? I knew something was wrong with you..."

I clicked my tongue and glanced at Levi, trying to show him all the anger pooling in my eyes. Then I replied nonchalantly: “Nothing serious. I'm good, Hange.”

I exhaled soundly, prey to that sudden frustration his words caused me, and decided to stand up from my chair.

“Sorry, I think I lost my appetite.” I added before I rushed out of the room. _I don't have time for this bullshit._

Running off, I suddenly bumped into something. Something so hard I thought I was about to fall backward. Providentially two strong hands grabbed me by the shoulders before anything happened and I finally realized that hard wall was actually someone.

_Ouch._

“Cadet, are you okay?” I heard someone saying.

I squinted my eyes, blinking as I tried to regain my composure. When I finally realized who was now in front of me, I just mumbled: “C-Commander, sorry, I wasn’t paying attention-”

“Don’t worry. Are you okay?” Erwin asked me again.

“I hope so...” I murmured in pain, rubbing my forehead. _What is this man made of?? Bricks??_

“Well, since you’re here, would you walk with me? I was kinda looking for you. Can you walk?” he calmly said.

_What is it with everyone and my legs today? Wait, what?? He was looking… for me?_

“Ehm, sure… I can walk.” I replied.

He nodded and beckoned me to join him as we started to walk along the hallway.

“So, how are you doing? Bump aside...” he asked with a soft voice.

“Vertical and breathing.” _Daphne. Please, Daphne. Do not try to be sarcastic with your superior, for fuck’s sake._

“I-I mean, better than nothing. I’d live.” I corrected myself, not doing any better. When I side-eyed him I caught him lightly chuckling. _Ok, that’s weird._

“Alright. I was informed about your contribution during the expedition. You did well.” he declared.

“I-I just… I just did what I had to do, sir.” _Gosh, I sound like Levi._

“I’m glad to hear that.” added Erwin.

“I think now I get it… I-I get why you are fighting, what you are fighting for.” I don’t know why I told my biggest enemy that thing, but… I kind of needed to get it out of my chest.

He glanced at me, letting a small grin appear on his face, and then stopped in front of a massive door. Towering me with his height, the commander asked me: “Would you follow me inside my office? I’d like to continue this conversation in private. Just the two of us.”

_Fuck. What have I just gotten myself into?_

I nodded and shyly stepped inside the room behind him. At a first glance, his office was way bigger than Levi's. Every piece of furniture was made of dark solid wood. A big desk was right in the center, paired with his personal chair and two smaller ones on the opposite side, maybe for his occasional guests. On the right side of the room, there was a little green couch, some other shelves, a couple of paintings and maps hanging on the wall, and a door just ajar. _His bedroom, probably._ On the left, a huge library. I took a rapid glance at how every single book was perfectly aligned and ordered on each level. I was secretly trying to guess which of those concealed the poem Levi had told me the night before, imagining him browsing and picking up some books from there. But I was suddenly brought back to reality by Erwin’s voice when I heard him asking me:

“And tell me, how is it going with your comrades?”

As soon as he sat down at his desk I couldn't help but notice how solemn and handsome Erwin looked. His cheekbones were now illuminated by a little oil lamp beside him, his posture was regal, and his shoulders perfectly matched the two huge windows behind him. If possible, I was suddenly way more nervous than before.

“Oh, ehm… O-Okay, I think.” I stuttered.

“Have you noticed something strange with them?”

“No, sir. Not before what happened yesterday… When the spy came out and-”

He stopped my confused babbling only raising his palm and then asked:

“And with your superiors? How is it going?”

_Fuck. Me. Fuck me. No. No. No. C’mon Daphne, think fast. Say something._

“Ehm… I-I got the chance to interact with just a few of them… But, well, Hange has been very kind to me since the very beginning. She’s a great leader. She-” I started to say.

“What about your captain, Captain Levi?” he interrupted me again.

“What do you mean?” _Here we go. Fuck. Here we go._

“You know he’s surveilling you on my account, right?” Erwin added.

_He has been surveilling pretty closely, sir. That’s the problem._

“I’m well aware of that, sir.”

“And how is it going?” he questioned me.

_It sucks because I think I like him, but I screwed up everything and now he hates me, but I don’t care because I’m not here for him, but actually I do care, like a lot, and now I don’t know what to do._

All I could say was: “Ehm, we had our ups and downs, but… Levi is a great captain. I respect him a lot.” 

_Even though it doesn’t seem like I do, considering that I left without a word after we fucked all night. But besides that, yes, I respect him a lot._

“Excellent. _Excellent_ … Well, what I wanted to tell you was that I’ve been thinking about your _situation_ recently… I thought deeply about it. All things considered, you behaved all this time. Except for that little accident…” he said lifting his gaze from his knuckles as he rested his elbows over his desk.

 _The Underground_ , I thought. I swallowed thickly.

“But you are also very disciplined, neat, always on time. You demonstrate to be skilled and smart. Or at least that’s what Levi has always claimed.”

_I wonder if they talked about me even today. I wonder if he still thinks about me this way as a soldier even if he hates me…_

“You contributed to the expedition and even survived the female titan.” the commander continued.

_Geez, I’d like to know where he’s getting at with this conversation._

“So, I want to inform you that I’m willing to go a little easy on you. To loosen my grip.”

My eyes widened at the sound of his words.

“Just a little.” he added, gesturing a little space between his index and thumb, almost sarcastically.

My face fell after a second. _He doesn’t think I’m that dumb, does he?_

“I sense a _but_ coming, Commander.”

“Buuuut. But. On one condition. I think Levi needs some rest and we still haven’t talked about his plans for you and Yeager given that his squad doesn’t exist anymore… However, we have to act as quickly as possible right now, and find the spy.” said Erwin.

I nodded to make sure he knew I was listening carefully.

“Since you were one of the few people to survive the female titan, your help is crucial right now. Therefore, I’ll personally ask you to do things for me, like cooperate with my subordinates and-”

“Yes. Yes, absolutely.” I hurried to say. _Calm down, you stupid._ “Ehm, I mean, sure. I’ll do it. Tell me what I have to do and I’ll do it.”

“Good. _Good_.”

He made a little pause, standing up from his desk. Then, walking toward me, he spoke again: “You’ll run some errands for me, bring me things, reports or papers from time to time, so just know that this office’s doors are always open for you.”

_Should I be afraid of all this sudden kindness from the Commander? Or does he just need a lot of help?_

I nodded again, then added: “Thanks, Commander.”

His shoulders relaxed and his eyes traveled down my body, examining my figure from head to toe.

“I saw you staring at the library earlier. Do you like reading?” he asked, moving his gaze toward the bookshelf.

“Honestly, I’ve never read a book, sir. I know how to read and write, but the only things I’ve ever read were...” _Shit, how do I put this…_ “My… My former employer’s documents and letters. Pretty boring stuff.”

“I see.” He eyed me again, intertwining his hands behind his back, taking quite an authoritarian posture. “Well, feel free to take as many as you want from my library. Just remember to put them back afterward.”

“Really? I mean, I-” I blubbered, moving my hands anxiously. _Can you not embarrass yourself for once, Daphne?_

“Take one now.” he ordered me.

I gulped. “Ehm, okay.”

“I’ll take my leave now. I have a meeting with Hange. I suggest you find Wim and my other subordinates tomorrow morning. They’ll give you instructions about our research.”

I only nodded, following him with my eyes as he walked toward the door. But before he exited the room I spoke again: “Commander… Thank you again for your trust.”

_If I behave and act accordingly, Erwin may even become my pass out of here. How the tables have turned..._

He slightly rotated his head over his shoulder, softly smiled at me, and then just left without a word.

When the door closed, I started to walk back and forth in front of the library for a while, wondering which one to choose. Half of them were war-related books, from the theoretical ones to actual novels, and even poems collections. A little part of me was still looking for that particular one, the one Levi was talking about the night before, but I knew that was the one I should definitely have to avoid. There were so many I didn’t know which one to pick.

_Take a short one, just to see if you like reading stories or not. Just pick one and leave, for fuck’s sake._

At some point, I noticed a little book with a pretty fancy cover, it looked like it was a part of a bigger collection of fictions. _That’s it. I’ll start with this one._

As I walked to my bedroom I realized how late it was getting, the sky was darker than before and I thought maybe going to sleep earlier wasn’t a bad idea. I had hours of sleep to recover. But once in my room I figured that was easier said than done. Of course, all I could do was think about Levi, that night we spent together, and how twenty-four hours could make such a difference.

That book I took from Erwin’s shelf was a blessing. It helped me to distract myself, even though, from time to time, Levi’s face appeared between the lines. Whenever I brought my digit to my mouth to wet it or just touched the page to turn it I believed I could still feel his skin and the thought alone made me go insane. However, the story was so fascinating I read it all in one breath until I fell asleep still holding it in my hands. Without it, I would have probably stayed up all night thinking about him.

And then another day came, another day of Levi totally ignoring me. And then another one. And another one. Almost an entire week passed and his eyes were still injected with hate and other things I couldn’t figure out yet.

Luckily, the days after the expeditions were - to use a euphemism - busy. I went back and forth from Erwin’s office to update him about our research and progress, bringing him papers, letters, and whatever he needed. Even coffee or tea sometimes. 

It came out that Armin had a theory about the spy, a really good one, and the commander decided to trust his intuition. From that moment the kid cooperated with us to see if that was the right path to follow.

I hardly ever happened to be at HQ, yet every time I set my foot there, it always seemed as if fate wanted me to accidentally meet Levi. It happened that I saw him even just walking by, for a few seconds or that we both ended up being in the same room, for several minutes or hours, even just a meter away from one another. His lips were always stitched and the few times they parted it was only to weave a few, cold, and terrible words against me. His eyes ignored me, like I was not in his line of sight, and whenever they found me, even from a distance, it was just to throw me deadly glances. Ignoring me was so deafening that I almost had the impression that all his attention was upon me.

_So is this how it will go from now on?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, to clarify, Daphne’s/your nausea is caused by the whole situation, she’s/you’re not pregnant, just very stressed.
> 
> Also, I know I shouldn’t be here explaining the story, but I just hope no one is hating on Daphne right now. Poor girl, she is so scared of her feelings since she never felt like this and also feels like she betrayed her sisters (and herself somehow).
> 
> However, stick around because the next chapters are going to be pretty animated.
> 
> How do you think Levi is doing right now? I’m genuinely curious. Hope you’re all doing well and enjoying the story so far. See you next time!


	16. A favor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, sorry for the delay, but I’ve been very busy lately and honestly this chapter challenged me a lot. I hope it didn’t come out too badly. 
> 
> Songs: "Since I've Been Loving You" by Led Zeppelin, "Faith" by The Weeknd

**A FAVOR**

DAPHNE’S POV

Another night of obscure dreams about Abigail, the Master, the titans, and Levi passed by. As well as another day of research.

Armin, some other cadets, and I had just returned to the HQ, the sun had already set, and by then we were all waiting for Erwin and his team to get back too. We were so close at that point. So close that we simply needed further and more precise instructions from the Commander and the plan could finally be put into action.

After days of pure torture, of Levi’s behaviors, and of my way of secretly tormenting myself with thoughts about him, I’d felt like I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Like all that rage and frustration that had been feverishly bottling up inside of me was finally starting to calm down.

Since I had some time to kill, that evening I thought I would go freshen up myself in my room. Along the hallway, Eren, who was proceeding in the same direction as me, approached me and started to walk with me. I’m not joking when I say he begged me the whole time to tell him more about what we had discovered. But at some point, around the corner, now a few meters away from my door, a voice behind us caught our attention.

“Cadets,”

_Levi._

We both turned around and cordially greeted the Captain, who as usual seemed to direct his gaze towards anyone within a kilometer except me.

“I’ll keep this short, we have rethought the squads’ division.” started Levi “You’ll join your stupid little cronies, are you happy Eren?”

The boy simply smiled, trying to ignore his teasing. Then, I saw the Captain’s heels turning around, ready to leave us. Therefore, trying to stop him, I said: “Ehm, excuse me, sir, what about me?”

In response, he slightly rotated his head and torso in my direction. With a blank face, he calmly stated “Same goes for you. With the brats. Right where you belong.” and started to walk in the direction of his office.

I sighed deeply, closing my eyes, trying to not lose it in front of Eren, who was now anxiously rubbing my arm.

_Really? Now I’m a brat? During the last week, I’ve been “you idiot”, “pipsqueak”, “whiner”, oh and let’s not forget about “whatever-the-fuck-your-name-is”. And now I’m a brat. He has never called me like that. But apparently, now I’ve become one of the thousand brats around here… This needs to stop._

“Daphne, a-are you okay?” murmured Eren.

I cleared my throat and said “Yeah, yeah… Go on without me, kid. I need to talk with the Captain for a moment… See you later.”

Before Levi could close his door, I managed to grab the handle and burst into his office.

“Sir, a word.”

Glancing at him, now seated at his desk, I suddenly realized where I was. That was actually the second time I had ever seen his office, and yet it felt so different from that night. The light of his oil-lamps was now on and I could finally take a look around.

“Whatever devilry you’re about to say, just be quick. I don’t have much time for your shit,” he said, intertwining his hands in a solid fist on top of the table.

I sucked all the air around me, trying to calm myself down and don’t snap at him too soon, but I was already at my limit. Thus, I took some courage and declared:

“That comment. That comment out there was totally unnecessary.”

“That’s not up for you to tell,” he stated and got back to his paperwork, lowering his gaze. “If you’re done whining, you can leave. Erwin is about to-”

“Not even close,” I spoke through my teeth, interrupting him. My fists tightened and my feet instinctively moved forward.

“Listen, my dear captain, let’s get one thing straight. I’m not one of your fifteen-year-old cadets who you can boss around and insult as if it were nothing. I don’t need to be taught a lesson, nor your ridiculous silent treatment. I’m already punishing myself for the both of us.”

Levi slowly leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, and squinting his eyes at me, as if he was carefully pondering my words or, more likely, plotting how to cut my throat. He set his jaw and creased his jacket as his fingers sank in the fabric. He was visibly trying to maintain his composure, right when I was about to lose mine.

“We both know why you’ve been acting like a dick recently, so why don’t you just cut the crap?”

“I just act according to your behaviors, cadet. Nothing more, nothing less.”

A laugh escaped me and I immediately tried to cover my mouth as I stepped back. “You really... You always got the right thing to say, captain, don’t you? You think you know everything, you think you got me all figured out-”

“No, I don’t. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been taken aback by seeing my bed empty the morning after.”

I felt the blood boiling in my veins, the tears starting to pool in my eyes, the rage to wreak havoc inside my bowels. I instinctively rushed back at him and started yelling, banging both my fists on his desk.

“Do you think I did it just to hurt your stupid little ego, Levi? What kind of person do you take me for? Do you think I did it light-heartedly? Do you think that when I saw you sleeping in front of my fucking face I just told myself let’s fucking leave? I don’t regret a single second of what happened between us. Not even one. You know it. You felt it…So please stop it. Stop making me feel so miserable, I’m just trying to move on.”

I sniffed and hung my head. In the meantime, the captain was still silently looking at me, motionless in his chair. That was probably the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done in my life.

“Levi. There are at least a million reasons why it was the only right decision to make. A million. I just did both of us a favor. And you know I’m right.”

My voice was starting to fail me, but I tried to keep talking. I lifted my head, my fists still pressed against his desk, my watery eyes fixed on his.

“Have you already forgotten? You were the one who told me you couldn’t do this. You can’t. We can’t. What the fuck has changed, uh?”

He finally opened his mouth and told me “Everything.”

That simple word almost made me lose my balance on his desk. My head instantly tilted and my feet shuffled, taking a step back.

“How has everything-” I tried to say.

“We fell asleep together,” he continued.

“C’mon, we literally passed out.” I scoffed and corrected him.

“We talked. You told me you wanted to get to know me better,”

“I still do.”

I don’t know why but at that point I started to feel so bad, so fucking bad, also and mostly for him. It was clear to me that I had indeed hurt him, hurt him more than I believed. But there was no coming back from there. And suddenly tears started to pool again in my eyes, my bottom lip to tremble, my chest to swell.

“You _begged_ me to fuck you.” he spat.

“And I’d beg you _again_.” I said, banging one more time both my fists on the table and letting the first tear drop on his papers.

A knock on the door.

After a long moment of silence, I managed to murmur between my uncontrollable sobs “Believe me when I say I don’t regret a fucking second of what happened between us…”

Another knock.

“…But I won’t let you step in my way, Levi. And one day you’ll thank me for not stepping into yours.”

Several strong knocks and a voice shouting “Captain, Commander Smith is back!”

“See? I just did both of us a favor. A big one.” I repeated and then let my head hang heavily.

My gaze was still pointing at my feet when I heard his chair moving, his slow steps coming closer. Then I sensed Levi’s hands mildly taking me by the shoulders, his husky voice murmuring me “Go wash your face, you know where the bathroom is,”

Luckily, I was still looking down, so he didn’t see my eyes suddenly widening and my lips slightly parting at his words.

Then, quietly adjusting my jacket, Levi added “When you feel better, join us downstairs.”

When I lifted my head, I could barely see his face through the tears that were fogging my sight. And yet, the tone of his voice was soft enough to tell me that something had changed. Soft enough to comfort me. At least that sudden rage turned out to be of use. Nonetheless, I felt so ashamed of myself for bursting out like that. Crying in front of Levi was the most embarrassing thing ever.

We stared at each other for several, endless seconds. His gaze, still painted by a silent discomfort, kept examining my by then horrible conditions the whole time.

Suddenly another sequence of loud knocks made both of our heads rotate in the door’s direction. Therefore, Levi gently loosened his grip on me and proceeded towards the threshold, scolded the cadet with his usual way of phrasing insults, and headed outside to meet Erwin and the others.

LEVI’S POV

I was doing just fine. I swear. Before she practically stormed into my office, I was doing just fine.

Lately, any thought about what happened between us was just a dead-end, therefore I instructed my mind to simply not go there. And yet, every time we ended up in the same building, in the same room, in the same corner, my gut twitched.

I was doing just fine, except when Hange pointed out that I was grumpier than usual the other day. I confess I almost snapped. But still, I repeat, I was doing just fine. My plan to ignore her made everything easier for me. It had helped me avoid her and bring her to her limit. But unfortunately, in the end, that turned out to be a mere backlash for me.

I did expect something bratty from her after a week, but surely not that. It made me feel kinda bad. And I didn’t like it.

However, nobody, and I repeat, nobody had ever dared to address me that way. And yet, all things considered, she had a point. Well, to be honest, she was simply right. The betrayal I had felt made me forget about the whole situation. But nobody had ever addressed me that way.

Walking down to the room where Erwin was, I kept replaying in my head her little tantrum and pondered carefully what to do next. When I sat down at the table next to the other scouts, I finally had a plan in mind. I wanted to show her that I’d have never stepped in her way, that I sincerely just wanted to help her, that I wasn’t her enemy.

But still, at that point, she did need to be taught a lesson, because nobody, and I repeat, nobody had ever addressed me that way. And ever will.

When Daphne and other missing soldiers joined us, Erwin and Armin explained the rest of us their theories and plan. From their assumptions, it came out that Annie Leonhart, a cadet from the 104th Training Corps and now part of the Military Police Brigade, was the spy.

When her name popped out, Eren freaked out with his typical, unnecessary fervor, because those were just mere suppositions. And he wasn’t wrong, yet we didn’t have much of a choice.

At that moment, a memory occurred to me, therefore I got a word in.

“Brat, shut the fuck up for a second. I just remembered a thing. Some time ago, before the ceremony, Daphne noticed that Annie was acting weirdly. She mentioned a strange conversation they had during their training. She also survived the female titan, so if she noticed some resemblances, I guess we can trust this path.”

Daphne, who was sitting not far from me, immediately lifted her head and looked in my direction. The confusion was all over her face. So, I raised my eyebrows to encourage her to speak. She shook her head like she was suddenly brought back to reality and stammered:

“Y-Yes. What the captain just said is true. And also, now that I think about it, the female titan has features pretty similar to Annie’s. Right Mikasa?”

The young cadet immediately nodded and supported the theory. They both had seen the titan up close and still remembered vividly that beast. And on second thought, I had noticed some similarities too, even though I happened to see that girl just a couple of times. However, Eren was still reluctant and antagonized the whole situation for a bit more. But in the end, we successfully managed to convince him and discuss the plan in peace.

On paper, it was rather simple. Armin, Mikasa, and Eren needed to attract the titan’s host into a subterranean tunnel to prevent her transformation. In case they failed, the whole mission would have passed into Eren’s hands. Unfortunately for us.

Before leaving the room, I believe I saw Daphne showing me a half-smile. I just hoped the tension between us had attenuated a little or at least that the whole situation would have brought it to quench and let our fight slide.

The next morning, we were supposed to leave for the Stohess District to formally meet the king, the Military Police, and put our plan into action. But Erwin was nowhere to be found. Therefore, I decided to check his office but once in, I was caught off guard by an unexpected presence.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I said, slamming the door behind my back.

Daphne immediately turned her head over her shoulder in my direction. Her lips slightly parted and her eyes traveled up and down my figure as if she was considering what to answer. Apparently, she wasn’t expecting to see me either.

“Ask more nicely and I might answer you,” she stated.

I never asked that more nicely and limited myself to fiercely staring at her. She rolled her eyes and brought her attention back to a book she was leafing through.

“The Commander gave me the permission to hang out here, borrow some books, and bring him papers or whatever he needs. That’s all. Happy now?”

“I see you're getting cozy with Erwin.” I commented.

“Jealous?” she said, glancing again at me over her shoulder to watch my reaction.

The ghost of a mischievous smile appeared on her face when she noticed I decided to stay silent, cross my arms, and clench my jaw at her little teasing.

After a couple of seconds, advancing with slow strides towards me, she said “You know the saying,”. And once she was dangerously too close to me, she continued “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”, then slammed the book right in front of my face with one hand and walked past me.

“I’ll find my way out of here, Captain. Just watch me.” I heard her saying.

When I turned around to confront her, the Commander entered the room. _Tch, congrats on the timing Erwin._

“Oh, I see you're both here.” he said, rather surprised.

“Commander,”

She immediately saluted him and showed him the book she was holding in her hands “I put the other one back and took this. Oh, and the papers you asked for are already on your desk, sir.”

“Perfect. Thanks, Daphne. How was it? The book, I mean.” he asked her. _This situation is just ridiculous._

“Oh, I couldn’t stop reading it! The story was literally spellbinding. The writing, just perfect. I finished it in one night!” she enthusiastically declared. That was probably the first time I’ve ever seen her eyes shine like that while talking about something. The way her voice sounded so genuinely excited stuck in my mind all day.

“I'm glad you liked it, but don't stress yourself out too much and take your time to rest, okay? By the way, Wim is waiting for you downstairs with Armin. Join them as soon as you can. They are about to leave.” said the commander. _I repeat, just ridiculous._

“Roger. With your permission.” She made a little curtsy before us and then rushed out of the room.

By now, Erwin and I were completely alone in his office. Without saying a word, he walked straight to his desk to collect his papers, scanned them rapidly, and then looked at me.

“Did you need something from me, Levi? We have to leave soon.”

“Yes, a favor.”

DAPHNE’S POV

I was looking for my team in the courtyard when I heard a voice calling me from behind my back.

“Miss girl, this way, please. You’re coming with me today.”

I turned around to see it was Hange, who immediately rested her arm over my shoulder and strongly dragged me away with her.

“Really? But I was supposed to be in the plan B team with Wim and his comrades. That’s what the Commander-” I protested. Not that I wasn’t happy to join Hange’s squad, but that wasn’t what I was told to do.

“Change of plan, darling.” she interrupted me. “Yesterday night Levi told me he prefers you to come and help me and Moblit with plan C.”

“Oh…” I vocalized. _Why the sudden change? And why did Levi personally ask for it? What is he up to now?_

Then Hange rotated her head in my direction and with a puzzled expression she added “Didn’t he tell you?”

“Ehm no. I saw him just a couple of minutes ago, but he didn’t mention-… And Erwin-“ I mumbled, trying to understand why Levi hadn’t informed me.

“I don’t think it makes much of a change to Erwin. Nifa already took your place and left with Wim. Don’t worry, the Commander won’t even notice it.”

“If you say so… But I didn’t even know there was a plan C. What is it?” I asked her.

“Well, let’s say that if Eren fails to transform or something goes wrong with plan A and plan B too, we’re going to capture the female titan in some other way. I prepared a trap and all the weapons needed for that. Don’t worry, you’ll be safe with us. My plan is titan-proof!” she smiled widely at me.

But unfortunately, it wasn’t. Once in Stohess district, the young cadets couldn’t stop Annie, who promptly shifted, while Eren failed to do as well. When the female titan walked over our trap, we luckily managed to stop it for a while with our arsenal, but even that turned out to be completely useless against the beast. The titan freed itself and escaped us.

Soon after, a loud noise announced to us that Eren had finally transformed and from a distance, we saw him engage in a cruel fight with Annie.

We were all fixed on top of the rooftops around the district. All motionless, incapable to do nothing more than watch and hope for the best. Just looking at them you could tell how feral and merciless they were one against the other. At that point, I couldn’t visualize anymore that little, frightened boy called Eren behind that hulking figure. The sight was insane.

I believed Armin had magically read my mind when he murmured next to me, at such a low volume I thought he was talking to himself “Only those who are ready to give up what they care about most will change the world.”

The fight between the two titans was so chaotic I was struggling to understand who was winning and who was losing, but at some point, I thought Eren was finally in charge. He was hovering Annie’s body with his, but looking at them a little better I realized the kid was one step away from screwing the whole plan. He was about to eat the host, Annie, our only resource.

Out of nowhere, appeared a soldier twirling in the air and swaying his swords in their direction. There was only one scout who could move like that. And that was Levi. He arrived just in time to stop Eren from doing something stupid, extract him from his titan’s form, and save the already fucked up situation. He was told to stay back during the mission because of his conditions, but once again, he proved to be humanity’s strongest soldier.

When we climbed down the houses and encircled the two carcasses, Annie had already managed to create a sort of solid shell around herself with the hardening technique. As if the mission wasn’t already going shitty, that just made everything worse.

Levi descended from the titan dragging with him Eren’s weary body and let him down to the street. Then, the captain took a quick glance around like he was looking for someone. When our eyes met, we stared at each other from a distance, motionless. _I don’t think this annoying habit of his will ever fade._ I tilted my head, trying to stimulate some kind of reaction from him, but he just walked away. _What did I expect?_

Anyways, in the aftermath, we had suffered numerous losses and gained no useful information. Annie in her peculiar cage was brought down to a basement and Erwin was held by the police because of the consequences of his plan. If that wasn’t already enough, out of nowhere, the face of a fucking titan peeked out from a fucking hole in the fucking Walls.

“What the hell-” my stammered words were suddenly interrupted when a priest appeared behind Hange’s back, panting and blabbering some nonsense.

“Do not expose the titan to the sunlight!” he yelled.

All the scouts were immediately sent back to a base in Stohess, while Hange and Moblit vanished, dragging that Reverend named Nick with them on top of the Walls. I imagined his words needed more than an explanation. In the meantime, we were told to rest, probably also to give Eren enough time to recover, and get ready to depart the day after.

During the night I literally couldn’t close my eyes, so I sneaked out of the female dormitory and walked around for a bit. Along a dark hallway, I noticed a door left ajar, from which a suffused light was coming. When I took a glance inside the room, I saw Hange frantically studying a stone and leafing through some books. Right next to her, a few centimeters from her microscope, Moblit was sleeping soundly, almost drooling as his head rested over the table.

“Pss, Hange” I whispered, “What are you up to?”

“Oh, hey Daphne, it’s you…” she murmured and then walked away from her comrade.

“What’s going on?” I asked her.

“We just spent the entire evening interrogating the Reverend. He won’t talk. We used every kind of torture, intimidation… Everything. He won’t talk.” she said, exhausted.

“What do you think he’s hiding?”

“Something extremely important. Something that could change everything at this point.” she said, her eyes ignited by rage “That titan’s face in the Walls. That cannot be a mere coincidence...”

“Oi, you two.” that unmistakable voice made both Hange and me turned around in sync.

“Levi, what are you doing here?” asked the squad leader.

“What is she doing here? It’s fucking 3 in the morning. Go to sleep.” he spat, referring to me.

“If you excuse me, Captain, I was talking to Hange.” I said, eyeing him.

“I don’t excuse you. Go to sleep.” he ordered me, raising his voice.

“Why don’t you get a hold of yourself and lower your fucking voice? Moblit is sleeping.” I spat, pointing to the scout behind my back.

“Guys, guys, calm down. What’s up with you two lately?” tried to step in between us Hange.

“Forget it, I’m leaving.” I said annoyed as I walked away “Night Hange, see you tomorrow.”

The next day Erwin was temporarily freed and joined us at the base. Strange news from the Wall Rose came to our attention, therefore in the afternoon, the Commander decided to move all the teams to Ehrmich. Apparently, a new threat was swinging above our heads and something bad was happening at the scouts stuck at Utgard Castle. And that’s where we were heading. The entire Scout Regiment and that damn priest, under the close supervision of Hange and Levi.

We stopped at a base at Ehrmich, where Hange tried again to interrogate the Reverend. Not much came out, just a name, Historia, the name of a cadet in our regiment who the cult was trying to protect. At that point, the only one who could make a change was Eren. If he had managed to close the hole in the Walls with the hardening technique, we still had had a chance.

Right when we were about to leave, Levi called me.

“Daphne, with me,” he said, motioning with his head to follow him, then started to walk away with the priest. I eyed Hange who nodded at me as if she was encouraging me to go with him. _What the fuck is up now?_ I sighed deeply and immediately sprinted to join Levi and the priest.

We were now walking in complete silence down a basement, which at some point started to look more like a prison. Once at the end of a corridor, Levi harshly shoved the priest inside a little space and closed the gate with a loud bang. The boomy clicks of the key twisting inside the lock covered my steps as I approached Levi.

“Can I at least know what I am doing here?” I murmured next to him.

He silently stepped back and walked past me, so I just followed him. Levi stopped a few meters away from the gate, at a point where he was still able to keep an eye on the priest. Then he pressed his back against the basement’s brick wall, crossed his arms over his chest, and said: “I need a right-hand man for my mission.”

“What mission? Guarding that old fart? C’mon, you could do this with your eyes closed even in your conditions.” I laughed, glancing at the man behind the bars.

“I have to go somewhere and you’ll come with me.”

“Where? If I’m allowed to ask, Captain.” I sarcastically said.

“The Underground.”


	17. Update

Hi guys,

I'll delete this later, but I just wanted to inform you that **I won't be able to update the story until the end of March** (due to University duties). I'm so sorry, but I hope you can understand and be patient.

I'll probably come back with two or three new chapters, or just one and then the other ones soon after. On top of that, in the near future I'll **re-edit** the previous chapters. Nothing in the story will change, I'll just correct my English here and there for the future readers. 

Also, for those of you who follow me on TikTok, I probably won't use it anymore. I'm still thinking about it, but, just to say, do not relay on that platform to know if I've updated or not the story. 

Hope you're all doing fine and that you're all staying safe and healthy. If you want to **leave a comment** with what you think is going to happen or maybe want to see in the next chapters I'm all ears, I'll really appreciate it.

Love you all,

Laurelle <3


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